I can't believe my luck, how could a 90s Isuzu delivery truck end up crashing into a cubicle on the second floor of a government office building? Then to be transmigrated into the body of a middle-aged minister for the court of the Kingdom of Pays Des Abrutis of all things. I wouldn't have complained if I had been transmigrated into a young and virile body, but why am I fat, bald and completely unskilled minister? At first, I thought I would do like the character of my story, invent some cool future gadgets and live well, but then it turned out that even though I have all of these ideas for things, I don't have the needed skill to make them. I never realized just how much I relied on google.
This morning I followed the memories of the man I replaced and went to court to work my job, it turns out that my job in this world is similar to my own government job from the world I left behind. I was able to make it slightly more efficient which went unappreciated by my direct supervisor. I saw some of my characters walk by, I felt like going over and talking to them, revealing myself to be some kind of all mighty oracle so that I could get involved in their drama, but it turns out that in this world I still have my exact same anxiety issues so I chickened out and just watched them. One of the girls glared at me thinking I was a creep.
One thing that really bothers me about this world is the lack of air conditioning. When you have been used to having air conditioning your whole life, and are just thrust into a world without it, it's awful. You can't find relief indoors or out. Another thing I underestimated was just how bad the food is when you are used to living in a world with so many options. Seriously, I should have written that this world had the most amazing food ever and had my male lead character introduce airconditioning. Maybe if I write it down it will appear in this world, I really hope so, because this really sucks.
Oh great, I just found out something else terrible in this world, nobles. Let me tell you about the nobles. If you think politicians are awful you need to meet a noble. They seriously believe that they were placed in this world by God, which I guess if we are being honest was probably me, to be better than the little people, meaning anyone who is a commoner. The conversations that these total d-bags have make me want to puke. As a minister of the court, I am around nobles far too often, not only do I have to be nice to these guys, I also have to act respectfully to them as they call me a piece of crap right to my face.
I am not sure what I can do here, I guess I am just going to have to try and figure out a way to get the main characters of the story to notice me somehow and hope that they can teach me magic so I can at least get some air conditioning and a hero potion. Maybe I should try accidentally bumping into one of the nicer ones so they don't just kill me thinking I am a danger. Ah, who am I kidding, I'll probably chicken out at the last minute again. I really want to go home now and write this world to be more comfortable.
I was brought in a white room with many gods and goddess in front of me. I didn't know why was I sent to this room.
But after looking at their faces, it seems that they look like the characters I made but this got me even more confused.
'Why are they all gathered here?'
I was pretty confused as to how this all happened when one of the goddesses talk to me.
"Geez, how many times we tried to kill this guy? He literally took a full brunt of a truck and he still alive. It would have been easy if he were to die but seriously? 10 trucks, 30 cars and being sent almost all the things normal humans can die from but he is still alive? No wonder his characters are either too overpowered or hard to kill."
And after bickering with themselves, they finally start to talk to me.
"Hey there Author. How about I send you to their world and tell them about you?"
Before I could respond, I disappeared from the room and entered into the forest where I was alone. I don't know why was I sent into the world I made but I didn't have time to think after what the goddess did next.
[Hi there guys! We had sent you guys a very special present. Lookie here! This is the person who basically wrote about you and it's his fault about everything you guys suffered. Have fun~]
In a holographic picture was her, me and a picture of a red dot meaning where I was. I was too preoccupied about the fast change in my situation until a red light was quickly approaching my location.
"Oh fck. I missed."
Then, I saw a young boy with black hair with red eyes as he smiles at me with ecstasy. Just knowing him gave me the shivers as I realized who this kid was.
Haru from my first novel I posted on royal road, he's the kid who I basically tortured and turned nuts after years of suffering. Just me knowing him basically know what he was capable of.
But the next thing was me suddenly ducking to avoid a hidden attack and a sound of someone clicking as I immediately knew who did that.
I turned around and see a grown man with black hair and red eyes which was filled with vengeance as he was filled with murderous intent.
"...I'll kill you..."
Kuronagi from my other novel Assassin God. The guy who I also basically tortured as well. I didn't stick around as I realized that the more I stay here, the more I'll end up dead.
"Don't you fcking run away from me!!!"
"I KILL YOU!!!"
The more I run, the more I ended up seeing the Main characters and other characters I wrote as they joined in on the 'kill the author' train. I also even realized that even the other characters from my novels which were even set in isekai also join in as well to kill me.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S THE REASON WHY I'M HERE?"
Now I honestly didn't expect this, I was pouring myself the usual glass of my favorite elixir of life -- anything with sugar really -- when I walked through my kitchen hallway into another world. No, I'm not crazy, just listen to me. When I walked through I was met with a crazy scene of some very familiar figures -- very beautiful figures -- the characters from my very own novel, Undaunted Daughter: Song Gwakkot. I truly was confused at that point, and I staggered back into my kitchen -- well, I attempted to at least -- only to discover that my safe haven had disappeared!
"Like I said little flower, that woman is the one who created all of us, and you can no longer be angry at me for fulfilling the circumstances of fate!" the blonde man yelled, his eyes a golden color that narrowed themselves at me once he discovered my arrival, "Though I did not expect the goddess who created me to be so..." he drawled.
"Short?" I finished for him, quite aware of the current circumstance, and hopefully I was dreaming... It seemed that I was just kicked into the world of my own novel, and I was standing about two feet underneath everyone else, right then... Don't blame me and my short stature alright, I was born this way! It also didn't help when I received the penetrating gaze of dear Ma Kitsune, ah my favorite son.
"The girl is just a kid, how could she have the power to create any of us or any of this?" he pondered with such a sarcastic tone that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, well, that was until he started talking again, "Do you need us to send you back home, little girl?" Never mind, the ******* is no longer my favorite son, where is my knife?
Yeah, **** this.
I readied my stance, lowered the cup in my hands onto the floor and looked at the idiot in front of me -- golden eyes and ink like hair, a thin face with a noble chin and sharp nose, what a pretty boy I had made -- and observed him quietly, then I slowly began to scootch myself forward, he didn't seem to frightened.
"Kitsune, maybe you should watch out-" Song Gwakkot warned, but it was too late.
Kicking myself off the ground and aiming for the idiot's groin, I brought my right knee up and swung forward with my calf, toes flexed out and up as they aimed for their target. My foot met flesh and there was a bounce, haha an actual bounce, it was hilarious. Even more so, the dumb fox fell to the ground in pain, groaning out for mercy.
"Hook, line, and sinker, *****"
"Ok, now I like her!"
This was it! The portal that will take me to my written world! I took a step back and tensed my muscles and went for it! I stretched out my leg with every step and faster and faster I went. When I was about to enter the portal a thought came to my head, I deleted my novel! Oh, shi-
BLONK! ACCESS DENIED
"Welp. At least it didn't take me to a story I wrote when I was like 8 at least." I mumbled as I held my forehead. ACCESS GIVEN
"I just had to f-ck it up for myself don't I." BEGINNING TELEPORTATION
"Mommy! Save me!" ZAP! TELEPORTATION SUCCESSFUL
I looked around and saw a disorientated place that looked like a poorly made imitation of earth.
"Well." my eyes traveled something that looks like a crudely drawn attempt at abstract art, it looked like it tried so hard to imitate a person but just failed. "Guess this is how I die."
I looked around the inn of the Scarlet Lion. I immediately recognized the scene - it was during the lunch rush and with the exception of a handful of humans, all guests and all the staff were beastmen. One human waitress, making a beeline to the kitchen. Four more were sitting at a table, chatting to a hedgehog beastwoman.
Nothing moved. It was like standing in a three dimensional photograph, a scene where someone had simply hit the pause button.
I sighed and wondered what I’d even do now, because this was clearly what I got for putting the novel on infinite hiatus.
Ahh sh*t. Was what the author thought when he realized where the hell he was.
This author had never written a proper novel and now he was in his book filled with plot holes inspired by his stupidity and joy of trolling.
A serial killer is on the lose? Well that killer was my best friend.
Was he the only killer? no the other killer was my best friend's friend.
Was it him who hid the corpse? No it was my mother.
Why did my mother hide the corpse? Cause my best friend was my bastard brother.
Why didn't I get killed? Cause i'm invisible.
Why am I invisible in the first place? Cause this stupid me felt like the main protagonist should be invisible.
Where's my father? Where's my sister? They are living well in the moon.
Why the f*ck is that possible? Cause this author wrote so.
So what's your role in the story? The janitor who can magically turn into a fairy after a flick of my magical toilet brush and fell in love with the other building's janitor, who's secretly the boss of an underworld syndicate. Who also had a fetish for janitor clothes.
AND NOW THIS AUTHOR IS STUCK IN THIS CRAP HE WROTE FOR FUN FUELED BY BOREDOM FOR IT WAS THE NOTEBOOK HE HAD ON HAND BEFORE GETTING RAN OVER BY TRUCK-SAN.
I... ... should've at least tried writing a normal route development to escape to...
The author could only regret and live on...
Never did he knew that the syndicate boss had a crush on him after staring at his lonely back.... when he had a blue janitor uniform on.
The syndicate leader later saved his life from the clutches of his mother and alien father.
”It begun with my family. They were.. merchants, making a living traveling the Labyrinth.” I lied.
I must’ve prepared a hundred lies. The road to Skystead from the Capital took me two weeks on foot, and that was impossibly fast - possible only because I knew of shortcuts through the time-space-bending Labyrinth not discovered yet. But I had a maddening amount of time to think, with lemming trolls as my only conversation partners, so.. I had thought up a lot of potential backstories, prepared for this moment when the MC inevitably asked the question, ’how did you get here?’.
I was struck by sudden inspiration - I decided to tell her a truth. The person before me wasn’t an amalgamation of my thoughts, but a PERSON - don’t ask me how this was possible, but this was undeniably reality. (Or perhaps I just hit my head really hard and this was the desperate invention of a dying mind, who knows.) In other words; I had set up a flesh and blood person with.. quite a few, uh... lets say, things that I wouldn’t want to personally experience. I didn’t exactly feel guilty, not for writing stories as a hobby, but.. part of me wanted to give her a chance to avoid some of those things. Make it up to her. Even if only a little.
Then of course, there was the mad scientist part of me who wondered how she’d change her life, if it was by her own choices, and not by my design. One could arge that this wasn’t a kindness, that the potential gain of avoiding disasters might come at the price of unintended consequences, that fate was what it was (I’m a fatalist, see, and this WAS after all a world of my creation) and that I’d just muck things up.
But I had already mucked it up - right now, no doubt, some of this worlds most powerful people were stirring up a ruckus looking for me, and the news of my disappearance were bound to cause fear and warp the timeline. Who knew how her story would end, even if I didn’t rock the boat any further?
I couldn’t tell her the WHOLE truth. But I could take her story, give it a different finish, and use it not only as a backstory I knew she’d buy with the hide still on the beast, but also to maybe plant a few ideas in her mind.
”Me, I could never enter it. The Labyrinth, that is.” I continued. ”I was always sickly as a kid and didn’t have any means of self-defense. It was just a chafing dream that flared up every time they left, and every time they returned with stuff from places I knew I’d never be able to visit. My life wasn’t bad or anything but, some dreams are just relentless, like fire burning ones insides, keeping us awake till late at night, you know? For those dreams, you can either achieve it or you can be safe, but you can’t have both.. but, then the safe option disappeared. Some stuff happened. Stay where I was, or enter the Labyrinth... both turned into equally shitty options..”
I talked on, and on, making sure to highlight the parts I knew Kiri would be interested in, and downplay the parts I didn’t have the skills to live up to. Then, at a suitable point, I abandoned Kiris story and started making it up to fit with my alibi.
”... then, in the middle of the battle with those lemming trolls, I noticed my party was poof, gone. So was my bag. When I noticed that even my adventurers ID tag was missing from my neck, that’s when I realized how deep of a shit I really was in. Only moments later, an owlbear charged at me, breaking through trees like they were toothpicks to get me. I was only saved ’cause of the terrain being on my side.. but before I ran away, arms gloriously flailing, guess what I saw? My party. On the other side of the owlbear. With my bag. With their hands full of owlbear eggs. I was set-up from the start.”
I pointed my thumb over my shoulder at a small group of beastmen on the other side of the pub. ”Those guys - Relmach and his people - they found me in time. Brought down the owlbear. I must’ve done the Lord of Luck a favor in my past life or something.”
Neither Kiri nor Relmach needed to know that I could take down owlbears on my own. OP hero cheat skills are handy for that. But I didn’t have a cheat that stopped me from slowly losing my mind to cabin fever. The days in the Labyrinth just.. trickled away. Somehow I forgot the count. For every day that came and passed, I worried more and more that perhaps I had already missed the exit, and was already lost. Finally meeting someone else and hear from them that I was still on the right path to Skystead.. from that perspective, it was not an exaggeration to say that they really did saved me.
”And thus, my largely accidental journey across way too large distances comes to a temporary end, in a nice cozy inn, after a nice warm meal, with my socks completely dry for the first time in days, and a bed that is positively free of lemming trolls. Thank you, for coming to my Ted Talk.”
”What’s a Ted Talk?”
”... oh, uh... it’s an expression that means something like ’thanks for listening to my long as hell educational speech’, or... you know what. Never mind.”
I stayed in Skystead. The day I arrived, I got myself a ”new” adventurers ID number to replace the tag that I ”lost” - and more importantly, with it came an official document with my name on it. It was the proof I needed, to ”prove” that I couldn’t possibly have been in the Capital during that fateful heroes summon.
Without the shortcut I knew of through my cheat knowledge, it would normally take six weeks to reach Skystead, even through the Labyrinth. It only took five weeks for the soldiers that heralded the news of a missing hero, which illustrated how serious a problem the missing hero really was. A dangerous variable. Her name was unknown. Her skills were unknown. Her potential was unknown. And, worst of all, so was her attitude towards the citizens of the world that basically abducted her to solve their problems. Anyone with half a brain would realize what a problem she might become.
They brought fliers with her portrait.
”Heh, doesn’t she look kind of like you?” Relmach said with a bantering grin and peered between me and the flyer.
”Shit dang, do all humans look the same to you or something?” I replied. ”How do we look the same?”
I had changed a lot in the Labyrinth. My hair caught fire in a fight with something that used spells, so I used ”shinies” to pay an old lemming troll to cut it short (it was a side-adventure all on its own - and it had an hilarious ending when it turned out that she was a better hairdresser than my local hairstylist back on Earth). The sun had bleached my hair several shades lighter, and burned my skin several shades darker. My face was nowhere near as round, either - really, when I first got out of there, I barely recognized my own reflection. That was a little unsettling... but very useful.
I know that Relmach and his party eventually figured it out, somewhere along the years after I joined their party. And I’m really grateful that they never brought it up. They’re good people. Better company than I deserve.
As for Kiri, she obviously went on her own adventures. Since I knew approximately when she would show up back in her hometown according to the plot, I made sure to catch her and hear about her adventures.
I was a little disappointed to realize very little changed even after I told her that story all those years back. She kept showing up on schedule, kept telling me about the adventures I already knew about.
Until the day when she didn’t show up on schedule. I showed up at the inn every evening I was free, until she finally showed up several months later. She looked at me with a deadpan frown that was unusually deadpan, even for her. She had graduated from the queen of deadpan frowns, to the deadpan frown overlord.
”You know,” she said quietly when no one else was within earshot, ”... things REALLY went to hell in a basket case when I accidentally said ’thanks for coming to my ted talk’ in front of a summoned hero...”
I'll be bitching my characters and 'predict' their every move, reactions, and dialogue.
I would say, "You'll walk one step forward."
And he stepped forward.
"Oh em gee!! How? Nani!? Nani-haoma?!!!!"
Iwould then nod. "Yes, listen to me you pucker. Put your seatbelt on coz this'll be a hell of ride... or not. We'll just wait for your antagonist here, let's ambush him so that this crap will be over. Chop chop."