Recent content by Hadassah

Honestly, if you don’t plan on making clean simple rules that make sense, I wouldn’t bother with worrying about if the rules make sense or not. The more you spend trying to explain a magic system who’s rules are ultimately “it is like this because I thought that made sense” is only going to make...

F Fair enough. Sounds like you have your magic system exactly how you like it. Hope you do get the help you are looking for though. You might need to rephrase the question for us.

I think you have the basis for something that might work. People love magic systems that are clear and concise, and with obvious rules. So, that in mind, you might try setting up magic along two axis: Number of Rings vs Magic type From what I understand, you have two rings do a lot of things...

You might approach it with a slightly different direct as well and consider paramedics. Paramedics are constantly dealing with stressed and upset people, would have some experience handling unpredictable trauma victims, and certainly would have a reason to have a grudge against villains if...

I’d believe whatever the story was trying to sell me, provided I like the characters enough to handle the hand waving. In general I’d argue that momentum - even minuscule amounts provided by slapping - imparted during time stop would never have the opportunity to translate from movement energy...

So I may comb through this sentence by sentence, not because its bad, but because its short. Don't take it as any particular criticism! - Every night, at around 12 AM, the shouts of someone selling something from a small store could be heard. Change would to could. Also, I'd put this at the...

Absolutely nothing wrong with a very short synopsis, definitely ramps up the mystery. With what's here, I'd maybe just end the second sentence with ellipses after 'other plans in mind' and drop 'after they arrive.' since we know they are going to a summer home. If you want to leave it here...

Great start! I think you don't need to make any major changes at all. You might front load with: '... his grieving older brother...' and change the follow up to '...discovered that his missing brother...' so that we as the audience feel the punch of realization with Grigri. You also might...

Fun seeing all the responses here, sharing all sorts of different perspectives on what niche means to them. Niche is so much a product of community as it is anything else. What's niche on ScribbleHub doesn't hold up at RoyalRoad, webnovel, or even ""traditional publishing"". A lot of times...

Personally, I love it! I get a feel for what's at stake, and get to see what Erika wants all in one. I can relate to her desire for freedom and dreams of fairytale stories. Quick, cute, and clear. Other's may have different suggestions of course, but I like this one a lot.

Interesting. I don't often make character sheets like this (mostly because I don't usually track numbers and levels like in an Isekai) but one other field I've added in the past is "How does the character perceive themselves?" Its one thing to describe how other see them, both physically or...

Ah-cha! That is the key perspective that helps me understand the kind of answer you are looking for. Communities and individuals both might judge another potential member or peer a 'monster'. They key part is that the person be acceptable at one point, (perhaps before meeting their judge though...

I mean, you’ve got a lot of answers here. I mean, my personal opinion is “monster” is purely a label of adversary to self by the ‘monstee’. There can’t be a solid definition of it outside context within a universe, a culture, or really an individual opinion. anyway. Why do you ask?

Hey TypeAxiom, I was thinking about your synopsis and while I love how short it is, I want to make some suggestions to reduce redundancy. I'd drop the first comma (I am comma happy too, no shame there). Only other comment I have is that 'breaking free of the puppet strings' and 'taking fate...