The Chicken Pen (Feedback Thread)

[TsumiHokiro]

Are any of the chicks hungry today? If so, I would like to offer them my story: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1007705/lady-ori-has-a-dark-side/

Greetings, lilwriter. The chicks have accepted your offer and have come back with an opinion.
Firstly, only your first chapter has been read. During the feeding of the chicks, they did not take well to some contents and decided to not continue partaking further along on the offered content. It's unfortunate, but it happens.
Going on, the problem the chicks had with your story is that you write about two different persons, in distinct situations, and while they are going through a somewhat familiar situation, you say they have no relation with each other. While making references in each other's scene that things should be interconnected nonetheless? Which is which, are they connected by coincidence or are they not?
You also write nonsense about people being surprised by finding that they have seen people die bloody deaths while requiring to see the dead of their eyes, while never explaining how they acquired these wounds which lead to their death. Whereas one scene at least tell us of how she dies, the other is a mysterious die on the wooden floor from the loss of blood.
Your writing might have good grammar, as it is syntactically and semantically sound, but where it comes to connecting greater structures of meaning, none of the chicks were able to find sound logic in your delivery.
There is something fundamental missing connecting two plots to make your story whole, and without that, your story seems hollow to these chicks.
The chicken pen wishes you understanding, Little Writer.

 

[Deleted member 156229]

Here I'm trying my luck with the chicken again...
The chicken have recently been fed with my content, but if they want more, I just released the second chapter. It is way less "sciency" than the first one and more focused on character development.
I will totally understand if they are full of sci-fi for the weekend.

 

[Cosmictapestry]

Hi there Mr. Chick,

I appreciate the detailed feedback you have provided on this thread. Would you be kind enough to take a look at mine? Thanks in advance!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1018794/bite-me-darling/

 

[lilwriter]

Greetings, lilwriter. The chicks have accepted your offer and have come back with an opinion.
Firstly, only your first chapter has been read. During the feeding of the chicks, they did not take well to some contents and decided to not continue partaking further along on the offered content. It's unfortunate, but it happens.
Going on, the problem the chicks had with your story is that you write about two different persons, in distinct situations, and while they are going through a somewhat familiar situation, you say they have no relation with each other. While making references in each other's scene that things should be interconnected nonetheless? Which is which, are they connected by coincidence or are they not?
You also write nonsense about people being surprised by finding that they have seen people die bloody deaths while requiring to see the dead of their eyes, while never explaining how they acquired these wounds which lead to their death. Whereas one scene at least tell us of how she dies, the other is a mysterious die on the wooden floor from the loss of blood.
Your writing might have good grammar, as it is syntactically and semantically sound, but where it comes to connecting greater structures of meaning, none of the chicks were able to find sound logic in your delivery.
There is something fundamental missing connecting two plots to make your story whole, and without that, your story seems hollow to these chicks.
The chicken pen wishes you understanding, Little Writer.

Thank you for the review! The relationship between Ori and Julie becomes more clear in chapter 2.

Julie was shot in the chest, alluded by “An electrical pain shot through her chest and radiated up her neck, into her skull. It slammed down through her stomach, her hips, her legs, and her toes.” and “Julie blinked. Her chest pumped thick blood onto her breasts.”

But you’re right, I never expressly say she was shot.

What you are thinking is nonsense actually is! I was trying to help the audience feel what it’s like to dissociate, which is important to the story. Ori dissociates to deal with her mother’s abuse. So she spends the last moments of her life obsessed with the fact that she isn’t bleeding on her mother’s prized rugs.

But I get it. It would be hard to understand.

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Hi there Mr. Chick,

I appreciate the detailed feedback you have provided on this thread. Would you be kind enough to take a look at mine? Thanks in advance!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1018794/bite-me-darling/

Greetings, Cosmictapestry. A chick has accepted your feed and comes back with an opinion.
For the purpose of the following, chapter 1 has been read. You have a good writing, in the sense that you write syntactically and semantically sound, but in the grand scene of things, your prose lacks something. At first glance, this chick would like to say your text is Purple, but read the following excerpts first.

Chapter 1:​

1. Purple language: "The once-gritty streets, transformed into a vibrant jungle of concrete, throbbed with the relentless rhythm of the club scene." You begin with "once", giving the idea that there will be a contradiction between "gritty streets" and "relentless rhythm of the club scene" but there is none? You are instead continuing the same logic as a "vibrant jungle of concrete". This is a case of trying to adjectify everything in your narrative, ending up with faulty logic. The next two sentences also suffer from the same: "Yet, Lukas felt utterly detached (…) to the growing chasm between them." Lukas might have been the one who was utterly clueless to the chasm, because the date would not be swiping through profiles if they held any interest in the man in the first place. Showing that he is someone who takes too long to understand the signs that others are displaying to them, and that your narrator is not impartial and is subject to Lukas' point of view.
2. Referential confusion: "He wasn't the hunter. This was the hunter." This what? This chick does not understand.

Conclusion:

While it's possible to make sense of what you are writing, and you will probably have many readers, your sentences become tiresome to read due to how characterized they are. This is something you could work on. The chapter itself was short and there was not much problem, in fact, it was not much of a problem to read through your descriptions, but there was that part that lacked sense in what you meant to say due to how you wanted to adjectify it.

The reason this feathered creature did not continue further along, however, was due to a lack of purpose. Your story sells short your main character, and so very fast it ends the introduction of the one who is the main reason that this bird was sure the one it would be following was the one who turned into ashes by the end of the chapter. Too many words were spent on the obstacle, too few on the object of interest to say.

Sure, there are stories where the focus is not the hero but the villain, but even those stories usually sell the hero and their purpose as something magnanimous instead of something cheap and banal as you have done. And it should be done from the introduction since they have little show time, it's very important to show their importance to your readers, something that you have lacked doing right away.

Could you have done better in the following chapters? Sure, but this is about the first chapter, and it has been sold short. There are expectations to be met else you will not get readers from the get-go. Others might say the story will improve with time and that you explain it as the story goes on, but you have opted for the web novel format and decided on a chapter that was this short, and this chick is commenting on what it has found. Therefore…
This feathered creature wishes you good blood, Vampire Hunter Writer.

 

[Cosmictapestry]

Greetings, Cosmictapestry. A chick has accepted your feed and comes back with an opinion.
For the purpose of the following, chapter 1 has been read. You have a good writing, in the sense that you write syntactically and semantically sound, but in the grand scene of things, your prose lacks something. At first glance, this chick would like to say your text is Purple, but read the following excerpts first.

Chapter 1:​

1. Purple language: "The once-gritty streets, transformed into a vibrant jungle of concrete, throbbed with the relentless rhythm of the club scene." You begin with "once", giving the idea that there will be a contradiction between "gritty streets" and "relentless rhythm of the club scene" but there is none? You are instead continuing the same logic as a "vibrant jungle of concrete". This is a case of trying to adjectify everything in your narrative, ending up with faulty logic. The next two sentences also suffer from the same: "Yet, Lukas felt utterly detached (…) to the growing chasm between them." Lukas might have been the one who was utterly clueless to the chasm, because the date would not be swiping through profiles if they held any interest in the man in the first place. Showing that he is someone who takes too long to understand the signs that others are displaying to them, and that your narrator is not impartial and is subject to Lukas' point of view.
2. Referential confusion: "He wasn't the hunter. This was the hunter." This what? This chick does not understand.

Conclusion:

While it's possible to make sense of what you are writing, and you will probably have many readers, your sentences become tiresome to read due to how characterized they are. This is something you could work on. The chapter itself was short and there was not much problem, in fact, it was not much of a problem to read through your descriptions, but there was that part that lacked sense in what you meant to say due to how you wanted to adjectify it.

The reason this feathered creature did not continue further along, however, was due to a lack of purpose. Your story sells short your main character, and so very fast it ends the introduction of the one who is the main reason that this bird was sure the one it would be following was the one who turned into ashes by the end of the chapter. Too many words were spent on the obstacle, too few on the object of interest to say.

Sure, there are stories where the focus is not the hero but the villain, but even those stories usually sell the hero and their purpose as something magnanimous instead of something cheap and banal as you have done. And it should be done from the introduction since they have little show time, it's very important to show their importance to your readers, something that you have lacked doing right away.

Could you have done better in the following chapters? Sure, but this is about the first chapter, and it has been sold short. There are expectations to be met else you will not get readers from the get-go. Others might say the story will improve with time and that you explain it as the story goes on, but you have opted for the web novel format and decided on a chapter that was this short, and this chick is commenting on what it has found. Therefore…
This feathered creature wishes you good blood, Vampire Hunter Writer.

Thank you for your constructive feedback. Although I maintain that the line "This was the hunter" is clear due to the context of only two people being in the alley, I recognize that the prose might benefit from further refinement. I prefer to keep my chapters short, as I personally enjoy depth and complexity in novels and strive to create that experience for my readers, rather than simplifying the language.

 

[ElijahRyne]

Hello there, stranger, welcome to the Chicken Pen.
Are you a writer, but do not have opinionated readers? Are you an author, but no one wants to actually look at what you have created? The chicken pen is the perfect place for you, then!
The Chicken Pen is a place of opinions. We offer several menus for you to choose from: from simple chick size to super chick size! But it all comes as a surprise! You have to first feed one of our resident chicks with your Story, and it will decide whether it is worth being eaten or not. But fret not, our chicks are not particular about what they eat:

1 - A story's text has to be selectable from a web-browser;
2 - A story must be posted on the internet and not downloaded into someone's computer;
3 - The chick decides what it eats. It never overfeeds;
4 - You can try to feed the chick more than once, but it is up to the chick to decide whether it eats or not;
5 - The chick only eats things that belong to the person trying to feed it;

If you would like to try your luck on a chick's opinion, here is your chance!
If you have any questions about an opinion, ask about it. The chicks do not tend to comment on comments about their comments.

**The Chicken Pen is a place dedicated to knowledge. Anyone who wanders here acknowledges that they are trying to better themselves on that which they have offered themselves in doing. Therefore, you are aware that once you have fed something to a chick, and it has returned to you an opinion, you acknowledge that you asked for it, and that regardless of how offended you might be by the chick's opinion, you will not pursue any senseless act of self-righting your so-called honour that might have been hurt by this Chicken Pen.**

Next 3 people to have their feed offered to the chicks:
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Could you do this one, it is a bit experimental?

The Thread Tree (Interactive Story)

An archive of the events surrounding the before, during, and after of the Thread Tree incident of 1547. You are part of the Detective department. You are looking into the Thread Tree incident of 1547. You can send memos to the archive department, the exorcist department, the monastic...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SurfAngel_1031]

Thank you for your constructive feedback. Although I maintain that the line "This was the hunter" is clear due to the context of only two people being in the alley, I recognize that the prose might benefit from further refinement. I prefer to keep my chapters short, as I personally enjoy depth and complexity in novels and strive to create that experience for my readers, rather than simplifying the language.

Just keep in mind that according to The Literary Project, that the average reading level is about 8th grade of ability.
While you are the author and free to do what you want, the more complex you make the work, the less people will comprehend and frankly stop reading.
There is a level of detail you can employ without being confusing and still advance your story.
That should be the main point. Telling and advancing the story.
Good luck going forward.

 

[Benn_Due]

Hello, could you take a look at my book too?

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1038291/lost-emotions-journey-of-an-isekai/

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Could you do this one, it is a bit experimental?

The Thread Tree (Interactive Story)

An archive of the events surrounding the before, during, and after of the Thread Tree incident of 1547. You are part of the Detective department. You are looking into the Thread Tree incident of 1547. You can send memos to the archive department, the exorcist department, the monastic...

www.scribblehub.com

Greetings, ElijahRyne. The chicks have accepted your offer and come back with an opinion.
Firstly, this chicken excuses itself for doing something different this time. It is not a matter of which chapters have been read, your book in particular, the prose and the story are unique, having no problems, but rather that you are trying to fit an interactive fiction in a web novel format.

What this bird sees here is part of a classical book structure, with brief, half blank pages dedicated to rules to explain how to read this interesting tale as an HTML format, forcing this feathered creature to change chapters every time it wants to read the next rule, scroll down the screen instead of displaying the next line in a box. Your issue is a fundamental one, you have chosen the wrong format to tell your story! It would have been so much more captivating, and made so much more sense as well as fun, had you picked it to have been as an Interactive Fiction, some sort of Game or Visual Novel of a kind, and not a maze of links of "click for next chapter".

People need a clear guideline, and your book is lacking that. It's so full of details but no clear lead. And that's a big no-no for this kind of literature. Try to think better on where you are trying to guide people instead of changing objective mid-project.

Before you address these issues, the pen is afraid your experiment will remain as an experiment for much longer than it needs to be.
Have fun writing, Experimental Writer.

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Hello, could you take a look at my book too?

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1038291/lost-emotions-journey-of-an-isekai/

Greetings, Benn_Due. The chicks have accepted your request and come back with an opinion.
Firstly, only chapter one has been read for the purpose of this return. The chicken pen has found your chapter to be a confusing mass of words, with too much usage of poetic hyperbolic language in the form of a creation myth, which entirely misses the point of actually getting anywhere in the view of the birds who have read your story. Consider the following excerpt:

Chapter 1:​

1. Idea Incongruence: "The Darkness was so bottomless that it could extinguish even the faintest glimmer of light, leaving behind nothing but emptiness. And yet, amidst the vast shadows, a lone light flickered, a beacon of hope that burned fiercely against the looming blackness." First darkness that should not possibly allow for light, second light that extinguishes light, which you will later say completely extinguished the darkness! Much later in the text you will say something about the conflict about Light versus Darkness, but allow this annoying bird to remind you that in your hyperbolic tendencies, you already solved this conflict when Will, representing Light, completely eliminated all light-consuming Darkness from your universe from existence when it first came to be? You have created only absolutes! There are no relative forces here.
2. Idea Incongruence: "The newborn, emerging from the womb of the late concubine to the Head of the Clan, was hailed as a hero." First, this is also redundant for a newborn to do, but as a second, it's weird to use the word "emerge" for babies and from wombs. This bird had several images of this scene, from Giant Robots emerging from the underground, to aeroplanes being catapulted from carrier's decks. Or a baby holding a golden sword on its mouth crying "I'm here!".

Conclusion:

Let's talk about your other aspects: you are talking about numerous others Cultivation novel lingo right off the bat, and this is either a hit or a miss depending on who your readers are. This bird has already mentioned this before in the thread: when it comes with specific genre language, if you want to approach a bigger audience, you should approach it more slowly, but if you have a very specific audience in mind, then go for it.

Your prose is so fantastical, comparisons that make little sense, that it's hard to not pull out some far-fetched scene from something "mundane" you mean. Try using more simple words and you will make yourself better understood.

Good luck with your endeavours, Cultivator Writer.

 

[SurfAngel_1031]

Hello, could you take a look at my book too?

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1038291/lost-emotions-journey-of-an-isekai/

I took a chance and popped open the first chapter.
What follows is not an adventure I want to repeat.
It opens with a contradiction. Darkness kills everything. Even the light, but one flame flickered.
That almost made me stop reading there. How am I to understand this if it doesn't gel in the first paragraph?
I came to the conclusion that I'm not the audience you want. I know nothing about the culture you are trying to write about.
So the first thing I'll suggest is that you make it so anyone can understand it.
Sadly, my confusion got worse the further in I read. Somehow the combo of light and dark make Will. Even though dark is supposed to vanquish everything.
I shrugged and kept going.
Will and darkness came together and create chaos, I think. Which then becomes the child which is the center of attention.
Then it goes into other tangents about humans having missing emotions, some genetic manipulation to create the child of Chaos, more manipulation to give humans back all emotions, a myriad of clans and names of a mana lake??
I put the chapter down and didn't go back.
Please, organize the thoughts. Give descriptions and background on the clan stuff, make the dark /light /Will /Chaos stuff easier to understand.
I wanted to travel the road of this person's decisions, as it reminded me of The Matrix and the two choices that Neo struggles with.

Please be well and good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

[Benn_Due]

Greetings, Benn_Due. The chicks have accepted your request and come back with an opinion.
Firstly, only chapter one has been read for the purpose of this return. The chicken pen has found your chapter to be a confusing mass of words, with too much usage of poetic hyperbolic language in the form of a creation myth, which entirely misses the point of actually getting anywhere in the view of the birds who have read your story. Consider the following excerpt:

Chapter 1:​

1. Idea Incongruence: "The Darkness was so bottomless that it could extinguish even the faintest glimmer of light, leaving behind nothing but emptiness. And yet, amidst the vast shadows, a lone light flickered, a beacon of hope that burned fiercely against the looming blackness." First darkness that should not possibly allow for light, second light that extinguishes light, which you will later say completely extinguished the darkness! Much later in the text you will say something about the conflict about Light versus Darkness, but allow this annoying bird to remind you that in your hyperbolic tendencies, you already solved this conflict when Will, representing Light, completely eliminated all light-consuming Darkness from your universe from existence when it first came to be? You have created only absolutes! There are no relative forces here.
2. Idea Incongruence: "The newborn, emerging from the womb of the late concubine to the Head of the Clan, was hailed as a hero." First, this is also redundant for a newborn to do, but as a second, it's weird to use the word "emerge" for babies and from wombs. This bird had several images of this scene, from Giant Robots emerging from the underground, to aeroplanes being catapulted from carrier's decks. Or a baby holding a golden sword on its mouth crying "I'm here!".

Conclusion:

Let's talk about your other aspects: you are talking about numerous others Cultivation novel lingo right off the bat, and this is either a hit or a miss depending on who your readers are. This bird has already mentioned this before in the thread: when it comes with specific genre language, if you want to approach a bigger audience, you should approach it more slowly, but if you have a very specific audience in mind, then go for it.

Your prose is so fantastical, comparisons that make little sense, that it's hard to not pull out some far-fetched scene from something "mundane" you mean. Try using more simple words and you will make yourself better understood.

Good luck with your endeavours, Cultivator Writer.

Yes, I chose a somewhat difficult way to present the plot, thereby challenging my own imagination. It took half a day to create the first chapter, since the foundation was crumpled and it was not difficult to add more information and descriptions to give at least some decent background. I caught the idea that it was full of contradictions even before I published the chapter, but by doing so I became convinced that no matter how difficult and time-consuming the beginning turned out to be, it is possible to leave a spacious and unexplored part for fantasy. In conclusion, I want to say thank you for your guidance, perhaps in the near future I will review the first chapter to change or add something.

I took a chance and popped open the first chapter.
What follows is not an adventure I want to repeat.
It opens with a contradiction. Darkness kills everything. Even the light, but one flame flickered.
That almost made me stop reading there. How am I to understand this if it doesn't gel in the first paragraph?
I came to the conclusion that I'm not the audience you want. I know nothing about the culture you are trying to write about.
So the first thing I'll suggest is that you make it so anyone can understand it.
Sadly, my confusion got worse the further in I read. Somehow the combo of light and dark make Will. Even though dark is supposed to vanquish everything.
I shrugged and kept going.
Will and darkness came together and create chaos, I think. Which then becomes the child which is the center of attention.
Then it goes into other tangents about humans having missing emotions, some genetic manipulation to create the child of Chaos, more manipulation to give humans back all emotions, a myriad of clans and names of a mana lake??
I put the chapter down and didn't go back.
Please, organize the thoughts. Give descriptions and background on the clan stuff, make the dark /light /Will /Chaos stuff easier to understand.
I wanted to travel the road of this person's decisions, as it reminded me of The Matrix and the two choices that Neo struggles with.

Please be well and good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Thanks for the feedback.
Initially, I wanted to set a smooth transition of the main character's backstory, but I think I overdid it a little, and yet now that I have written a decent number of chapters, I can say that such a difficult beginning gave me the opportunity to patch holes in the plot. The way the flame appeared in the sea of Darkness, which gave rise to the Will. But even if I write a lot of spoilers, it will not affect the first impression in any way, so thank you again for your honest feedback)

 

[CoffeeForTheDay]

Hello, Could you Take a look at mine aswell?
I'm pretty new to writing and Trying to improve as I go, so this might not be the best thing you'll read

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1038390-the-arcane-savant/

 

[SurfAngel_1031]

Yes, I chose a somewhat difficult way to present the plot, thereby challenging my own imagination. It took half a day to create the first chapter, since the foundation was crumpled and it was not difficult to add more information and descriptions to give at least some decent background. I caught the idea that it was full of contradictions even before I published the chapter, but by doing so I became convinced that no matter how difficult and time-consuming the beginning turned out to be, it is possible to leave a spacious and unexplored part for fantasy. In conclusion, I want to say thank you for your guidance, perhaps in the near future I will review the first chapter to change or add something.

Thanks for the feedback.
Initially, I wanted to set a smooth transition of the main character's backstory, but I think I overdid it a little, and yet now that I have written a decent number of chapters, I can say that such a difficult beginning gave me the opportunity to patch holes in the plot. The way the flame appeared in the sea of Darkness, which gave rise to the Will. But even if I write a lot of spoilers, it will not affect the first impression in any way, so thank you again for your honest feedback)

Understand, I'm not trying to be mean in the least. I know how hard it is to share your ideas with the public. It opens yourself up to huge criticism that none of us really like.
I just know that since I'm not the typical reader of your genre, it was very hard to put the puzzle together so it made sense. That's why I suggested that you make it so anyone can read it and organize your thoughts more :)

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Hello, Could you Take a look at mine aswell?
I'm pretty new to writing and Trying to improve as I go, so this might not be the best thing you'll read

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1038390-the-arcane-savant/

Hello, CoffeeForTheDay. While the chick initially was going to accept your offer, the appearance of your feed has frightened this bird from going along with eating it.

Right off the synopsis, your use of capitalization is queer, to say the least. That's not how you capitalize words. It reminds this feathered creatures of how Internet Trolls do things with the intent of annoying people, and if that were your intentions, to disturb your readers, you managed to.

Second, in your chapter, while it's common to hear "show, don't tell" and it's not very nice to be so generic with this advice, in your case, it's never been more obvious why: "-Alarm Rings-" is not very descriptive of the kind of emotions we readers should be feeling at all. It's so very straight forward that it tells your reader exactly nothing at all about what is happening in the scene. It's a complete waste of words, in fact. It would work if you were writing a report to your superior detailing the order in which events happened, and you had to be as objective as possible, but in a novel where your readers have to imagine a scene as happening in front of them? This is utterly abyssal!

Third, don't write a theatre script just for the fun of it, I mean this: "Store Employee: 'We Moved it to the front Recently'". You should be trying to write a dialogue, with each part taking their turn, not the paper actors read while rehearsing for the real action! A novel has to be emotive, has to bring forth people's feelings, and in theatre it's up to the people acting to bring lines alive, so they're two different things! An actor knows what they have on hand is just a guideline, whereas a book is the real deal which is supposed to evoke emotions from people in its plenitude!

Well, good luck with whatever you're trying to do, Writer.

 

[CoffeeForTheDay]

Hello, CoffeeForTheDay. While the chick initially was going to accept your offer, the appearance of your feed has frightened this bird from going along with eating it.

Right off the synopsis, your use of capitalization is queer, to say the least. That's not how you capitalize words. It reminds this feathered creatures of how Internet Trolls do things with the intent of annoying people, and if that were your intentions, to disturb your readers, you managed to.

Second, in your chapter, while it's common to hear "show, don't tell" and it's not very nice to be so generic with this advice, in your case, it's never been more obvious why: "-Alarm Rings-" is not very descriptive of the kind of emotions we readers should be feeling at all. It's so very straight forward that it tells your reader exactly nothing at all about what is happening in the scene. It's a complete waste of words, in fact. It would work if you were writing a report to your superior detailing the order in which events happened, and you had to be as objective as possible, but in a novel where your readers have to imagine a scene as happening in front of them? This is utterly abyssal!

Third, don't write a theatre script just for the fun of it, I mean this: "Store Employee: 'We Moved it to the front Recently'". You should be trying to write a dialogue, with each part taking their turn, not the paper actors read while rehearsing for the real action! A novel has to be emotive, has to bring forth people's feelings, and in theatre it's up to the people acting to bring lines alive, so they're two different things! An actor knows what they have on hand is just a guideline, whereas a book is the real deal which is supposed to evoke emotions from people in its plenitude!

Well, good luck with whatever you're trying to do, Writer.

Thanks for reviewing my work and for the advice, I really appreciate it. I'll do my best to keep these things in mind and improve.

 

[Deleted member 156316]

Oh great and almighty chick! I have come forth from the realm of animals to bring these stories of thee realm!
For I am a newborn hatchling turtle awaiting for advice from thee almighty!

Pretty sure a chick such as yourself would've come to such realm since you're a bird, aren't ya?

Anyway, here are they: the main story of my world, and the side stories detailing other events of the same continuity.

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Oh great and almighty chick! I have come forth from the realm of animals to bring these stories of thee realm!
For I am a newborn hatchling turtle awaiting for advice from thee almighty!

Pretty sure a chick such as yourself would've come to such realm since you're a bird, aren't ya?

Anyway, here are they: the main story of my world, and the side stories detailing other events of the same continuity.

Greetings, OfficialCrafty, Unfortunately, this chick will have to decline your request.
You seem to be writing a book for children, or young readers. This bird is allergic to such literature! It is questioning the most basic of choices, such as "Why is an otter wearing clothes? Wouldn't wearing clothes and the oily nature of the otter's skin go against each other?" and so on.

Therefore, please forgive this bird for being such a bore and unable to turn its disbelief filter high enough to enjoy your story, but there are things that are beyond this feathered creature capability.

 

[Deleted member 156316]

Greetings, OfficialCrafty, Unfortunately, this chick will have to decline your request.
You seem to be writing a book for children, or young readers. This bird is allergic to such literature! It is questioning the most basic of choices, such as "Why is an otter wearing clothes? Wouldn't wearing clothes and the oily nature of the otter's skin go against each other?" and so on.

Therefore, please forgive this bird for being such a bore and unable to turn its disbelief filter high enough to enjoy your story, but there are things that are beyond this feathered creature capability.

Fair point... Although I'm questioning what do you mean by 'for children, or young readers' because I was planning to add darker elements and mature topics, along with a lore reason into it, but I can see how it turns out that way.