Need help again for writing and critique

[Lumberbot]

So I incorporated those helpful individuals helps, though there still something wrong in my paragraphs as if something is missing. Here it is.

The morning sun peered over the horizon, casting hues upon the grassy hill, each blade bathed in dew swayed in ripples, brushed against one another, as gentle breeze wove through. Amongst the imposing contours, somewhere over the open meadow, beneath those gargantuan clouds, had stood a youth, clad in a ragged muddled fabric, with a tattered satchel hung onto his shoulder. Breathed in eased, eyes gazed at the shining celestial, felt a warmth solaced amidst tremoil deep within, too mesmerised for such pondering thoughts from which remained stunned.


Then something shouted from behind; the young man turned, there laid before his eyes is a village built crudely upon decrepit woods, path alongside and between from, barely visible, much to muddled to discerned from those houses eroded walls tainted rooted in manner so similar.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

The sentences are far too long with too many commas for my liking. It hurts the flow.

The beginning part could be cut to be more concise. The reader doesn't need to know about every blade of grass.

For example: The morning sun peered over the grassy hill, dewy blades swaying with the gentle breeze.

There is also a clarity issue.

Breathed in eased, eyes gazed at the shining celestial, felt a warmth solaced amidst tremoil deep within, too mesmerised for such pondering thoughts from which remained stunned.

I don't know what this means in the slightest.

 

[Zinless]

Just like Envy said, too many pauses (commas). Consider using them less to make things flow better. Having the reader pause their in-mind narration slows the pace down, which can be useful. But to have it happen all the time would ruin the pacing altogether.

This might just be me but I find the sentences a bit hard to understand. You could simplify things a bit, helping not only the reader but you as well. As it is right now I would have to re-read it at least twice to get a picture of what's going on. For example:

Then something shouted from behind; the young man turned, there laid before his eyes is a village built crudely upon decrepit woods, path alongside and between from, barely visible, much to muddled to discerned from those houses eroded walls tainted rooted in manner so similar.

I have a hard time discerning this. I would write it as:

Something shouted from behind the young man, he turned. There laid before his eyes was a village built crudely upon decrepit woods. A barely visible path stretched onward, hard to discern from the eroded walls of the houses around it.

Do note, however, that I'm still an amateur writer. Take my advice with a grain of salt.

 

[Lumberbot]

The sentences are far too long with too many commas for my liking. It hurts the flow.

The beginning part could be cut to be more concise. The reader doesn't need to know about every blade of grass.

For example: The morning sun peered over the grassy hill, dewy blades swaying with the gentle breeze.

There is also a clarity issue.

I don't know what this means in the slightest.

Seemed like I did made it worse, well I'm trying to paint a vivid description, though the poetic writing didn't help.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

Seemed like I did made it worse, well I'm trying to paint a vivid description, though the poetic writing didn't help.

It is your work, so you can write however you wish. But if you want people to read it, clarity is one of the most important things.

 

[Lumberbot]

It is your work, so you can write however you wish. But if you want people to read it, clarity is one of the most important things.

I'll chiseled it in mind.

 

[DannyTheDaikon]

So I incorporated those helpful individuals helps, though there still something wrong in my paragraphs as if something is missing. Here it is.

The morning sun peered over the horizon, casting hues upon the grassy hill, each blade bathed in dew swayed in ripples, brushed against one another, as gentle breeze wove through. Amongst the imposing contours, somewhere over the open meadow, beneath those gargantuan clouds, had stood a youth, clad in a ragged muddled fabric, with a tattered satchel hung onto his shoulder. Breathed in eased, eyes gazed at the shining celestial, felt a warmth solaced amidst tremoil deep within, too mesmerised for such pondering thoughts from which remained stunned.


Then something shouted from behind; the young man turned, there laid before his eyes is a village built crudely upon decrepit woods, path alongside and between from, barely visible, much to muddled to discerned from those houses eroded walls tainted rooted in manner so similar.

The morning sun peered over the horizon, casting hues upon the grassy hill. Each blade bathed in dew swayed and brushed against one another as a gentle breeze wove through.

Amongst the imposing contours, somewhere in the open meadow stood a youth clad in ragged, muddled fabric, with a tattered satchel hanging from his shoulder.

He took a deep breath, his eyes glazed over by the scenery before him. Here, he found solace from the turmoil within him.

Then, something shouted from behind.

The young man turned and saw a village built crudely upon decrepit woods. There was a barely visible path leading to it, almost indistinguishable from the eroded walls in the distance.