A little feedback, perchance?

[ALonelyParrot]

Here's the Story: Manuscripts from Sonus
I'm making this particular story in order to help me world build for another story. There's not much for a continuing story, but I would hope to receive some feedback on the writing! Thank you!

 

[lazyredragon]

Ayyeeeee love, loved your story my only advice would be to write like a twelve year old with the philosophical mind of a great sage.

Also (personal preference here) go into more detail when talking about your fantastic creatures, like err...
Avian humanoid- let's make my own oc for this one:

The fallen one's name was Twitch, her wide eyes now blinded by death lost their amber Shine.

Raven blue feathers dulled by the second as her body grew cold, her talons once sharp now cracked by the steel hide of a dragons armour and arms bent at painful angles from her descent when she crashed to the forest floor.

Her often twitchy wings fanned out now still...

Yeah something like that or whatever...