Biggest regret of pursuing such 'passion'

[DaisukeHanashi]

Growing up, I used to imagine myself on being on the stage, hearing my imaginary supporters crying my name. 'Daisuc! Daisuc!'.

Then, after my 'hardwork' gaming skills, it's likely unachievable due to my high level busyness since I'm a college student now. Plus, I only got a low-end devices, so online games nowadays seem to be less innovative, Besides, I'm more into money than 'passion' right now, considering I'm in a early stage of adulthood right now... and still, I'm struggling... and even struggling to reclaim my name here as an author lol.

And speaking of being author, since I suddenly came back here... well, a thought of it came across my mind that writing stories should've been my lifetime commitment other than playing online games for e-sports. Well, back to square one, I guess, but better late than never.

 

[BigBadBoi]

Daisuc just seems so wrong to say

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

Daisuc just seems so wrong to say

whatevs... that's like the most 'creative' name i could ever come up with when it comes to IGN lmaooo

 

[SailusGebel]

I don't understand.

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

I don't understand.

Basically,

Phase 1: Used to be an amateur 'smut-loving' writer

Phase 2: Gave up being a writer, instead pursue for e-sports

Phase 3: Everybody gets new, upgraded devices... except me... PLUS my college studies... so I give up.

Phase 4: Becomes a 'fully-committed' author bcuz I can't stop daydreaming my 'second life'

Current phase: Am i gonna make it?

 

[SailusGebel]

Phase 2: Gave up being a writer, instead pursue for e-sports

Phase 3: Everybody gets new, upgraded devices... except me... PLUS my college studies... so I give up.

That's the part I don't understand. First, what were you playing that you needed to upgrade a device. I can only think of CS. Second, how come a college is a problem? You either take a gap year, drop out(if you are really serious and see a potential), or combine the two. No offence, but it looks like you were not serious about it. Speaking from my own experience, since I combined university and training for e-sports.

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

That's the part I don't understand. First, what were you playing that you needed to upgrade a device. I can only think of CS. Second, how come a college is a problem? You either take a gap year, drop out(if you are really serious and see a potential), or combine the two. No offence, but it looks like you were not serious about it. Speaking from my own experience, since I combined university and training for e-sports.

Since I live in southeast asia, I mostly (used to) play mobile FPS games like Call of Duty: Mobile. I only have Ipad Air 2 and little money from me and probably my parents have... and since my ipad began to age out, I don't have a hope to continue later on. Plus CODM is getting quite too resource-extensive, so it's best to not let it worsen my ipad's current condition.

About college, Im currently studying Information Technology, and tbh, I agree on you saying that I wasn't serious about it... even though I had an oath to excell in it, yet here i am still... the same average joe. At least, im aware that im more of a 'failure-first' type of learner, but at the same time, i couldn't build a right discipline for me to be consistent about my studies... and even my passion writing project. And worse, i am entertained to work part-time to earn money, yet i got no free time all day.

So yeah, pretty much, my mind's getting outta nowhere when it comes to life decisions, and i blame all of my indecisiveness.

 

[SailusGebel]

Since I live in southeast asia, I mostly (used to) play mobile FPS games like Call of Duty: Mobile. I only have Ipad Air 2 and little money from me and probably my parents have... and since my ipad began to age out, I don't have a hope to continue later on. Plus CODM is getting quite too resource-extensive, so it's best to not let it worsen my ipad's current condition.

Can you even make money out of CoD? I know you can make money out of major disciplines, LoL, Dota, CS, and a couple others, don't know about CoD.

About college, Im currently studying Information Technology, and tbh, I agree on you saying that I wasn't serious about it... even though I had an oath to excell in it, yet here i am still... the same average joe. At least, im aware that im more of a 'failure-first' type of learner, but at the same time, i couldn't build a right discipline for me to be consistent about my studies... and even my passion writing project. And worse, i am entertained to work part-time to earn money, yet i got no free time all day.

So yeah, pretty much, my mind's getting outta nowhere when it comes to life decisions, and i blame all of my indecisiveness.

Well, to be fair, the moment I started being serious about getting into e-sports is the moment I decided to drop it. To make it, you need to be obsessed with the game, and either be a hardworker, or a genius. There is no cutting corners.

 

[Reinaislost]

Basically,

Phase 1: Used to be an amateur 'smut-loving' writer

Phase 2: Gave up being a writer, instead pursue for e-sports

Phase 3: Everybody gets new, upgraded devices... except me... PLUS my college studies... so I give up.

Phase 4: Becomes a 'fully-committed' author bcuz I can't stop daydreaming my 'second life'

Current phase: Am i gonna make it?

I think Sailus is right in a lot of ways. You aren't being serious about things because uncertainty is holding you back. And I'm not going to blame you for that; life is rarely similar to 1st grade math. But first, I think you need to have a discussion with yourself about what you want to do. If you have an answer and you think it is within your capabilities to achieve it, now you have to put in the effort, double it, and do some more.
If you were serious about it, this would be less of a question of whether you were going to make it and more of what you could do. Uncertainty would be there, no doubt—it is like 0.1% of the germs that no amount of soap can kill.

From my experience, once you find a passion, time becomes a small concern because it'll find its way into your life, regardless of whether you are studying in college or you work at a nightshift. If you think you need more time—and not as an excuse—you wouldn't need to ask a question (I'm not suggesting dropping, however). It's just that we don't realize how much free time we usually waste or the extent of things we could do at a given point. Of course, it means you have to work hard.

 

[Yule]

This is a harsh example, but there's nothing wrong with enjoying occasional visits to the casino. People have fun, sometimes win, more often lose, leave the place and remember that they had a great time anyways. People who are lost in their dreams of winning big? Those people are the ones that have every potential to lose their entire savings at a casino.

Both writing and e-sports are worse. Casino, you can at least rely on luck; anyone can technically win. The former two has elements of luck too, sure, but skill precedes luck by miles. If you don't have the skills to please the world or crush your opponents, you're never going anywhere, and those skills are so, so difficult to cultivate as a regular person. The people that become renowned in these two fields aren't hard-working individuals, or even geniuses; they're closer to monsters in their respective disciplines (in a good way).

All I want to tell you is that you're perfectly okay, you're doing fine going to college and doing things on the side. There's absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming and aspiring. I just hope you don't lose yourself in them. As a funny Asian man once said, nobody does what they love! Everyone does what they hate for money, and use the money to do what they love.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Current phase: Am i gonna make it?

1. Define """"""make it"""""".
2. Deine what you want.
3. Stop being wishy-Washy and ask an actual question, or tell me you are just venting so I can ignore you.

Do you know you haven't asked a question? Technically the quote isn't a question. You are just WHINING. That isn't a question, You named a phase a question.

If you want help, ask for help. If you just want someone to wipe your ass, then say you need your ass wiped. If you actually want to do something with your life, then ask for help with that. No wonder your life ain't going anywhere, YOU CAN'T MAKE A COHERENT POST.

I know how to fix your problems. I fix lots of problems. You won't like my answers and I don't want to waste my time because YOU AREN'T SERIOUS. You are here for someone to say, "POOR BABY" and pat you on the head. Any ACTUAL advice, you are going to ignore.

Come back when you are serious and want to fix your life.

 

[JHarp]

Well, to be fair, the moment I started being serious about getting into e-sports is the moment I decided to drop it. To make it, you need to be obsessed with the game, and either be a hardworker, or a genius. There is no cutting corners.

While I can't call myself anything close to a pro, even competing in semi-pro tournaments for rocket league like 2-4 years ago, I think I spent more than 12 hours a day having to train for months on end to keep up and stay competitive. 100% agree with you, either takes some good luck or a lot of hardwork.

I'd probably say that pro leagues are about on par with speedrunning in how much you have to basically love or involve yourself in a game, know as much as you can and practice for insane amounts of time to perfect what you are doing.

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

Any ACTUAL advice, you are going to ignore.

Come back when you are serious and want to fix your life.

I can just read the advices silently, so it doesn’t I undervalue them. And yeah, I do be whiny about my life, but that doesn’t mean I give up on finding through it. It’s just pretty hard for me to handle it, especially I have severe ADHD right now.

Pardon me for being a weak-ass shit I was…. (probably still am)

 

[melchi]

I believe there is a call of duty esports league, not sure how big it is. But anyway, it is not something that can be a long term livelihood. Most people do it for a few years professionally and then have to move on to something else.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

I can just read the advices silently, so it doesn’t I undervalue them. And yeah, I do be whiny about my life, but that doesn’t mean I give up on finding through it. It’s just pretty hard for me to handle it, especially I have severe ADHD right now.

Pardon me for being a weak-ass shit I was…. (probably still am)

So?
You haven't answered my questions. I made three demands, you have failed to meet any of them. Let's make this simple.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

BE CLEAR.
BE CONCISE.
BE DIRECT.

I don't give a crap about your limitations. Do you like them? Do you ENJOY your limitations?
I got no problem if you just want to revel in your limitations. That's fine. Just be CLEAR about it.
If you want sympathy, say so. If you want help, Say so.

DON'T MAKE ME GUESS.

I can by sympathetic or I can problem solve.
Choose.

 

[dummycake]

Can you even make money out of CoD? I know you can make money out of major disciplines, LoL, Dota, CS, and a couple others, don't know about CoD.

most online multiplayer games like that have a professional scene now, even more those mobile games.
people don't know that there's a huge community in poorer countries that have million dollar tournaments and billion dollar annual revenue of copies, either official or unofficial, of popular console and PC games.

 

[SailusGebel]

most online multiplayer games like that have a professional scene now, even more those mobile games.
people don't know that there's a huge community in poorer countries that have million dollar tournaments and billion dollar annual revenue of copies, either official or unofficial, of popular console and PC games.

I was talking about prize money. For example, you can't make a living out of e-sports only in WC3, or fighting games. Even if you win every tournament, and have a sponsor, you still have to stream a lot or have another job. Okay, maybe if you win literally everything, like every tier-1 and tier-2 tournament, and have a big sponsor that actually pay you a salary, yes. But it is unreal. Same with HOMM 3, HoTS is dead I think, SC2 is dead, and so on. That's why I asked my question. Can you place third in a couple of CoD tournaments, and earn enough to make a living? Or do you have to constantly win all the time?

 

[dummycake]

I was talking about prize money. For example, you can't make a living out of e-sports only in WC3, or fighting games. Even if you win every tournament, and have a sponsor, you still have to stream a lot or have another job. Okay, maybe if you win literally everything, like every tier-1 and tier-2 tournament, and have a big sponsor that actually pay you a salary, yes. But it is unreal. Same with HOMM 3, HoTS is dead I think, SC2 is dead, and so on. That's why I asked my question. Can you place third in a couple of CoD tournaments, and earn enough to make a living? Or do you have to constantly win all the time?

I saw that the last on, in third place, won 80k
but I presume that being a professional player, there's more ways to get money
like streaming, sponsors, idk

 

[DaisukeHanashi]

I don't give a crap about your limitations. Do you like them? Do you ENJOY your limitations?
I got no problem if you just want to revel in your limitations. That's fine. Just be CLEAR about it.
If you want sympathy, say so. If you want help, Say so.

DON'T MAKE ME GUESS.

I can by sympathetic or I can problem solve.
Choose.

Yes, I hate my limitations, but I do enjoy learning about it.

And yes, I badly need a help, especially maintaining my discipline.

What makes it un-maintainable?

My dilemma... whether I have to study hard... or make money... or pursue my growth back as an author.

If I choose to study hard, I'd end up dropping out college due to financial setback... like my parent's money almost run out after spending so much on my brother's pre-resident doctor career outside my province. Of course, he disagrees on working in our home province since most of the hospitals, especially the ones near to our house, are already full. So there's that.

If I choose to make money, I'd end up failing college due to my lack of focus, especially I'd go home rather late due to my class ending around 4pm while being stuck in traffic for extra one hour. Plus, I have to help my bedridden grandparents since my parents are always out of my home, working. It'll take 2-3 dying hours for me to get back to my desk. Usually 8pm, I've to complete my assignments and then continue writing my draft. No break for me.

If I choose to pursue my growth, well... it could be rather the same as making money, except I'm just back-to-square-one, but this time, I often spend time writing my work rather seriously. After reflecting so much on my mistakes rather frequently, I finally figure out my learning curve, yet I have to start over since I'm somewhat different that I was before. And I have to redeem myself for it, but at the same time... regrets couldn't stop bothering me.

And yeah, I think that's the best for me on clearing things up with the problem I have in my life.

 

[Temple]

hearing my imaginary supporters crying my name. 'Daisuc! Daisuc!'.

I'm not sure if I'll count this as passion. You're after external motivation, it seems. Passion is doing that thing even if the whole world is against you, even if you won't receive praise or reward, because you want that thing.

Anyway, I feel like this post is just so that you can release pent-up emotions. My next statement won't really help because it's a mindset thing, but all your problems aren't really a big deal compared to what the majority of the people on Earth are facing. Your family has a doctor, you can go to college, and your parents have money. You're from southeast Asia, and you should know that your standard of life already puts you in the maybe top 5% of the population.

It's not really good to say that others have worse situations than you, so you should suck it up. But I don't know what advice to give besides that. Maybe putting a positive spin on it, you should view how blessed you are compared to maybe 95% or even 99% of Southeast Asians. Just a change of mindset alone would do wonders. A defeatist mindest, and you're your own worst enemy.