whoa you uploaded all the chapters at once? ?? good job on writing so much but you'll probably get more views if you space out upload times, just as a general tip. also, consider joining BL Palace's discord if you're into BL, a bunch of us hang out there lol~
ok onto the actual feedback (disclaimer, i didn't read the whole thing but i did read up to W1(3) for you)
OVERALL: it's an interesting premise and i like the whole animal forms thing they've got going in world 1 but you can slow down and let us savor the details. there's a lot of telling instead of showing (which i get, you wanna summarize and get to the good stuff) but also we get thrown a lot of random info so i'm not sure what's important and what's not. if you consider this just as a "for-fun" story then it's not bad at all, it just feels rather rough and could use a bit of polish for a smoother read.
STYLE: sentences could use more variety. a lot of people feel they have to squeeze in as much information as possible so their sentences are all super long and windy (see your chapter 1, it's basically like that). but stories are like songs; they have rhythm and cadence too. you can adjust syntax and make sentences longer or shorter for more variety and/or dramatic effective, as well as giving your readers a chance to breathe. read it out loud and see what it feels like—endlessly long sentences get exhausting after the first couple paragraphs.
STORY: the pacing is a bit breakneck. it feels like we don't get much of a taste of dina's original world before she's sent off to do a mission in another one? if so, then why introduce the characters and etc in the first world at all? the reader hardly has time to remember them before WHOOSH next world and next characters and etc. might work better with a brief intro (her moping in her room) and then WHOOSH meeting zero-one and stick in dina's mother (and her random compliments that dina should be a singer??? which doesn't seem to fit anywhere? might as well save this for a flashback somewhere else) later on in the story. otherwise it's just a lot of exposition with no point at the moment.
GRAMMAR: some places are strange but it's not enough to detract from the reading experience so i'll give it a pass.
CHARACTERS:
Dina is...strange. maybe we still need to get to know her, but in the first 5 chapters my impression of her is just a boy-crazy overdramatic teenager. like i get it, she's pining over jackson but it feels like her life is nothing but loving this boy who doesn't like her anymore. and then as soon as zero-one turns into a hot guy she's lusting after him/it too? i'm guessing she's a teenager who's still immature emotionally, but it's a little hard to sympathize with her when she's so high-strung about everything. i feel more sorry for jackson for having to deal with her even if he was kind of a jerk for using her as a substitute.
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