Question: How is this for a story idea?

[TheEldritchGod]

Okay. The kid gets bullied all throughout high school well, let's add middle school. A good 6 years of Hell. He graduates, doesn't have enough money for college, and winds up working a lousy desk job. For some reason (needs a setting) get gains the power to project his emotions onto others, except that he was supposed to be from a race that helped people by making them feel happy.

Except he's never been happy a day in his life.

So, he has the power to project his depression. He's been depressed for over a decade. So when he goes to his high school reunion, he decides to project his depression onto all the people who bullied him.

However, He's had like 16 years to deal with with his crippling depression. When he projects it onto everyone who bullied him, he projects ALL of his pain and suffering, giving each of them a dose of 16 years of suffering. He thinks he's only making them feel depressed for a few minutes. He doesn't realize his pain is so overwhelming, that none of his bullies can handle it.

He first notices something is wrong when he hears that one of them killed themselves.
Then he starts to panic when he hears of the second.

He feels terrible. he just wanted to teach a lesson, not drive them to kill themselves and winds up struggling to figure out a way to reverse the damage he did.

Was thinking of a typical "Revenge on the bullies" trope that is rather popular, but with the twist that the victim thinks things have gone too far and wants to save them. plus he couldn't tell that the amount of depression he was dealing with was absolutely lethal to any other human being, which gives him a new perspective on himself.

So... thoughts? Is it viable?

 

[melchi]

Kinda sounds like the movie "radius" only more targeted.

I wouldn't read it though it sounds like something that wouldn't be entertaining. Also, teenagers dying... a bit dark.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Kinda sounds like the movie "radius" only more targeted.

I wouldn't read it though it sounds like something that wouldn't be entertaining. Also, teenagers dying... a bit dark.

Don't watch movies, so I have no idea what that is., but thanks for the input.

 

[HungrySheep]

This is the edgiest thing I've ever seen pitched. I think if it was more of an ironic comedy rather than being played straight, it could actually work, but it would largely depend on the writer's ability for humor.

 

[Sleds]

I think it could work well in a mystery/horror genre. Do you plan to have the mc doing everything to save them?

Edit: depending on how much sucide scenes is described, you need to come with new idea for each. Also, what could be the end? The mc kill itself to remove his power influence on the other ?

 

[Temple]

Probably not as a web novel (I'm just using that term for stuff on SH, RR, and the likes, even though technically it's much wider). Web novels are mostly for self-insert wish fulfillment, hence the revenge trope is very popular for the catharsis of the readers. It'll go against the reader self-insert part of web novels to have the victim act like this. I mean, murder hobo is very popular trope too.

You usually don't have these higher thought processes in web novels, like feeling guilt and so on. This has a very large chance of falling flat as edgy or it could be a very impactful story.

That's for web novels though. You can just write this story as a psychological thriller, which would really be impactful. You won't have much readers like the mainstream stories, but you're writing the story that you want. Essentially, are you writing for business or writing for yourself?

 

[TheEldritchGod]

This is the edgiest thing I've ever seen pitched. I think if it was more of an ironic comedy rather than being played straight, it could actually work, but it would largely depend on the writer's ability for humor.

Hrmmm... There's a possibility. I try very hard to embrace my inner Douglas Adams. I think he is the definition of dark humor. The British are just better at it. America is amazing, but sorry, The Briits kick our ass in the comedy department. I could pull that off.

I think it could work well in a mystery/horror genre. Do you plan to have the mc doing everything to save them?

Edit: depending on how much sucide scenes is described, you need to come with new idea for each. Also, what could be the end? The mc kill itself to remove his power influence on the other ?

That was the point. He'd be doing everything to try and save the rest. Part of his arc would be to get out of his depression in order to find a way to save them. Not SOLD on the idea, but I was thinking of the third act being, "If you can't find a way to get over your depression and be happy, they're gonna die."


Note, it isn't Teenagers. Everyone would be around 28. 18 at graduation, this is after the 10 year reunion.

I used to work suicide prevention. I have way too much material to pull from on this topic.

You usually don't have these higher thought processes in web novels, like feeling guilt and so on. This has a very large chance of falling flat as edgy or it could be a very impactful story.

Yeah...

I have notice the more high brow the book, the worse it plays. I'm not saying THAT is why HKN has poor reception, but I think it is a factor. It is a very deep book with no porn and not exactly an ideal self-insert.

 

[HelloHound]

that'd be interesting but I don't think a lot of readers would keep at it because most read the getting-back at bullies genre is for the catharsis and a guy having panic attacks over said bullies suicides might turn off a bunch of them
either way it's your story, your vision, godspeed

 

[owotrucked]

lol whenever I hear about projecting depression, I think about the depressed robot Marvin from Hitchhiker's guide with the Point-of-View gun in the movie

 

[Mandark]

I think this, if well written, could be a really good story. I do have a couple thoughts though.

firstly, the suicides couldn’t be a forgone conclusion. Maybe like 2 out of the entire group kill themselves right away. This would give you some time to write scenarios without there being a clock always ticking.

So then when MC starts just trying to get these people to not kill themselves, he then finds that each one of them has some problem.

The problems don’t have to be the generic ‘they only bullied because they were victim’ but could be any number of things - but for this kind of story, there should be a morality lesson in almost every case.

Also the way they kill themselves could be the manner of their problems, just off the top of my head I think of a guy who has a lot of money, who hates that he can’t trust anyone (even family). So, when he gets the huge dose of regret, his hate festers and festers until he decides to kill himself by swallowing molten gold.

anyways, I look forward to it, if you write it I will read!

 

[Sleds]

That was the point. He'd be doing everything to try and save the rest. Part of his arc would be to get out of his depression in order to find a way to save them. Not SOLD on the idea, but I was thinking of the third act being, "If you can't find a way to get over your depression and be happy, they're gonna die."

Note, it isn't Teenagers. Everyone would be around 28. 18 at graduation, this is after the 10 year reunion.

To be honest when I first read what you write, I thought about a scene where your mc save someone and had them in his house for safety, he leave for a few seconds and when he comeback, he found the ex-bully dead with the gun(could be another thing than a gun if you didn't want to scream AMERICA, like a hunting rifle, who appear in a lot of house througout each countries, except a few) the mc had in his home.

For me, the beginning have to show how hopeless your mc is to save them, be it one second too late or not thinking of what they would do after he save them on their first attempt to sucide.

You can play in a lot of way due to how large depression can be depicted, sucide, nightmare, self-harm to feel something, etc...

 

[TotallyHuman]

So much edge it is almost smooth

 

[MintiLime]

I’d read this or watch it as a psychological thriller- it would be really cool I think :)

 

[wresch]

I like the idea. But I wonder if you can condense the reunion and suicides to the first chapter. It will be a dark chapter, but just one chapter. Now you have the response. This is a good guy. He sees what he has done, and he wants to fix it. The real action of the book is his response. Now I am thinking Groundhog Day. Each day he tries a new approach. One at a time he tries to fix things. Initially he can't get it fixed, but gradually he gets better. Essentially the book becomes about recovery. I think this could be a great book.

 

[J_Chemist]

Edge so sharp I cut my eyeballs.

But, there's substance. Maybe as a short book with a handful of chapters, it might work, otherwise the cringe and edgy toxicity would make it rather dull to read. I can sense some internal projection from the idea so if you got bullied in HS, I'd be careful not to self-insert and make it weird.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Edge so sharp I cut my eyeballs.

But, there's substance. Maybe as a short book with a handful of chapters, it might work, otherwise the cringe and edgy toxicity would make it rather dull to read. I can sense some internal projection from the idea so if you got bullied in HS, I'd be careful not to self-insert and make it weird.

Who didn't get bullied?

 

[EldritchPotato]

Pretty much anything is viable as long as its well put together in my opinion. It does sound interesting.

 

[SailusGebel]

Who didn't get bullied?

I

 

[Graceful_Ghost]

Sounds like Madoka Magical girls, minus the magical horror sides.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

I

Well, I suppose someone has to be the bully.