Hobo_With_A_Scythe
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2020
- Messages
- 26
- Points
- 53
Okay so I wrote this nifty fight scene for my novel which I'm rewriting but I don't know if it's exciting enough or too drawn out or what can be done to improve it.
Context:
Thane: Wizened mercenary leader who is exploring strange cave with his group only to find scary things in there.
Demoness: A noble demon, unnaturally strong and overly proud and sadistic.
Anima: The lifeforce within which can be trained by anyone unlike magic, to the proficient it can harden the flesh and imbue strength.
Blessing: A blessed skill which one has recieved from defeating certain dungeon creatures.
This isn't a full chapter, only part of a 7k chapter. Still it's 1400 words so it's a bit of a read.
Context:
Thane: Wizened mercenary leader who is exploring strange cave with his group only to find scary things in there.
Demoness: A noble demon, unnaturally strong and overly proud and sadistic.
Anima: The lifeforce within which can be trained by anyone unlike magic, to the proficient it can harden the flesh and imbue strength.
Blessing: A blessed skill which one has recieved from defeating certain dungeon creatures.
This isn't a full chapter, only part of a 7k chapter. Still it's 1400 words so it's a bit of a read.
In the end there was no real camaraderie between them all. Only benefits and how useful they were to Thane tied them together and Garen was now useless, therefore he should expect to be abandoned.
Garen who had wiped clear the blood in his eyes saw the fleeing duo and a flash of hatred showed though it was quickly replaced by pain and fear as the dead man bit through his leg right to the bone which swiftly let out an audible crunch.
"Ahhhh!"
Hearing that blood curdling scream only caused Thane and Hob's steps to quicken. When they came back into the large circular room, Hob who was the fastest reached the nearest column first and just as he was passing, a black armored fist struck him in the face with enough force to flip him backwards and onto his stomach.
Thane stopped just three meters from Hob who was now twitching on the ground, his neck bent backwards and at an unnatural angle. Hob’s eyes were staring at something behind the column with visible fear as he desperately choked and gasped for air.
Thane readied his axe and growled. “Who’s there!? Show yourself!”
“Eager are you?” A husky voice tickled his ears as if it were plucking at his spirit.
His body froze and his pupil’s dilated. Thane was familiar with this bizarre sensation, he had experienced it once when he passed by someone in Solace, in Reaver’s own mansion. It was a..
“Demon!” The word was squeezed from his clenched teeth.
“Hahaha.” An almost hypnotizing laugh echoed as someone moved from behind the column.
What came into his sight was a tall woman covered in black armor, she seemed like a mountain to Hob's small frame and even to Thane himself who stood a generous six foot three.
She had blood red hair cascading down her back and two horns sprouting from her head, her violet eyes staring at him like a hawk would its prey.
The demoness placed her metal boot on Hob’s back and with a flex of her thigh, her foot sunk in shattering his spine and crushing his heart. With a deflated scream, he died with grievance in his eyes and bloody froth leaving his mouth.
The demoness clicked her tongue in dissatisfaction. “You humans are so fragile...” She shook her head and sighed. “I was hoping to play with him a little more but he only lasted a single punch. Such weak flesh is not even worthy of being fed to the dogs.”
She crossed her arms and grinned. “What about you human, are you worthy?”
Thane scowled but didn’t answer. Though he looked calm, his mind was anything but.
A drop of sweat slid down his brow. ‘I should have guessed it was a damn demon and from the looks of it a high ranking one. Who else could conjure up such madness!? I have no hope of taking this fiend on.’
His team was dead and he was all alone. This was perhaps the most dangerous situation he had ever been in. Thane’s thoughts quickly spun as he thought of a viable plan.
Thane took a deep breath. ‘I’ll only have one chance, if I can catch her by surprise with my blessing, she’ll be wounded and I can flee... if not...’ His brow scrunched with determination. ‘I can only fight to the death!’
His old eyes narrowed into thin slits full of murder, his muscles began to bulge with power. He took a crouching stance, gripping his axe with both hands.
Seeing this, the demoness licked her lip, though her eyes flashing with serious intent. ‘Oh? This bug has decently trained his anima, he’s dangerous.’
“Hah!”
With a swift leap, Thane had traversed the gap between himself and the demon. He swung his large axe at her with terrible ferocity and no wasted movements.
The demoness was not foolish enough to take such a powerful strike head on so with an agile twist that you wouldn’t expect from someone so tall, she barely evaded, though the axe did graze her armor leaving quite the dent.
Boom!
The axe embedded itself into the stone column causing spiderweb like cracks at its point of impact.
Before Thane could pull the axe free, the demoness had already spun around with a kick. Seeing the danger coming his way, Thane let go of the axe and blocked the kick with a cross guard.
“Ugh!” Thane grunted as he felt a tremendous force hit his arms throwing him backwards several feet, looking up he saw the demoness quickly close the gap between them.
Ignoring the burning sensation on his forearms, Thane growled, his inner anima strengthening his muscles and hardening his fists with a dull white glow surrounding them. He then stepped forth and threw a punch towards her head but she tilted it to the side, his fist catching nothing but air.
She then countered with a swift elbow to Thane’s jaw sending him sprawling to the ground. Thane felt dizzy for a moment but quickly got to his feet only to see a giant metal fist coming towards his face.
Relying on his instincts that he had honed over his several decades as mercenary, Thane just barely managed to dodge it and reply in kind with a punch towards the demoness’s side where his axe had previously weakened the armor.
The demoness felt a powerful shock to her ribs that almost lifted her off the ground and a finger long crack had appeared in her armor!
“Ha! Well done human!” She laughed gleefully, her expression twisting in excitement.
With bloodlust in her eyes, she gripped Thane’s shoulder and with a toothy grin, she headbutted him.
“Ugh!” Thane cried out in pain, feeling as if he had hit his head on a brick wall.
Before he gather any semblance of thought, she headbutted him again and then again. It was savage and relentless and it didn’t stop until Thane’s old face was battered and bloody and he had gone limp like a dead fish, seemingly unconscious.
“Heh quite admirable human! You have such a strong face. Your little friends would have had their faces caved in already with brains squirting outward.” The demoness face was drenched in Thane’s blood, she licked the blood off her lips and showed a hint of ecstasy as if she just enjoyed brutalizing someone.
The demoness thought for a moment as she held the passed out Thane in her grasp, she did think of choking him to death but then remembered something. “He did say to leave one alive...I guess you’ll do.”
“Be grateful for you won’t die yet- hmm..?” As she stared at Thane noticed something strange.
With teeth missing, a broken nose and orbital bone; his appearance was truly horrid but his eyes were now wide open, staring her in the eyes.
They were no longer coal black but yellow with a thin slit for a pupil like a snake filled with a certain primal intent as if a great beast was gazing at her. Suddenly, Thane’s eyes glowed brighter and instantly, it felt as if she was struck by lightning.
The demoness was stunned, releasing Thane. Her furious eyes firmly locked onto him as she cursed inwardly. ‘This bastard was hiding a blessing!’
In time it took for a second to pass, Thane’s hand had transformed into a fang and it had embedded itself in the crack in the demoness’s armor that he made with his two previous attacks.
In the next second she had regained control and with an enraged strike, she punched Thane several meters away into one of the surrounding stone columns.
Thane cradled his chest as he felt several of his broken ribs, hacking up a mouthful of blood he shakily stood and stared at the demoness with slight shock. ‘She was holding back before!’ Gulping, he then sprinted towards the surface not caring about the demoness behind him.
“You sneaky bug!” The demoness grit her teeth and was just about to chase Thane but quickly felt a weakness in her legs causing her to buckle and kneel.
"Poison!? You poisoned me?" The fact that this human insect had actually injured her this much absolutely infuriated her, it was proof of how weak she had gotten over the past few weeks. "How laughable.." She chuckled but there was no joy in her laugh, only a madness befitting a demon.
“To think I let a bug sting me, I’ve really gotten soft.” Her violet eyes changed to a crimson color, the air surrounding her began to ripple with heatwaves.
With a spiteful look, she grumbled. “You’re dead.”
Garen who had wiped clear the blood in his eyes saw the fleeing duo and a flash of hatred showed though it was quickly replaced by pain and fear as the dead man bit through his leg right to the bone which swiftly let out an audible crunch.
"Ahhhh!"
Hearing that blood curdling scream only caused Thane and Hob's steps to quicken. When they came back into the large circular room, Hob who was the fastest reached the nearest column first and just as he was passing, a black armored fist struck him in the face with enough force to flip him backwards and onto his stomach.
Thane stopped just three meters from Hob who was now twitching on the ground, his neck bent backwards and at an unnatural angle. Hob’s eyes were staring at something behind the column with visible fear as he desperately choked and gasped for air.
Thane readied his axe and growled. “Who’s there!? Show yourself!”
“Eager are you?” A husky voice tickled his ears as if it were plucking at his spirit.
His body froze and his pupil’s dilated. Thane was familiar with this bizarre sensation, he had experienced it once when he passed by someone in Solace, in Reaver’s own mansion. It was a..
“Demon!” The word was squeezed from his clenched teeth.
“Hahaha.” An almost hypnotizing laugh echoed as someone moved from behind the column.
What came into his sight was a tall woman covered in black armor, she seemed like a mountain to Hob's small frame and even to Thane himself who stood a generous six foot three.
She had blood red hair cascading down her back and two horns sprouting from her head, her violet eyes staring at him like a hawk would its prey.
The demoness placed her metal boot on Hob’s back and with a flex of her thigh, her foot sunk in shattering his spine and crushing his heart. With a deflated scream, he died with grievance in his eyes and bloody froth leaving his mouth.
The demoness clicked her tongue in dissatisfaction. “You humans are so fragile...” She shook her head and sighed. “I was hoping to play with him a little more but he only lasted a single punch. Such weak flesh is not even worthy of being fed to the dogs.”
She crossed her arms and grinned. “What about you human, are you worthy?”
Thane scowled but didn’t answer. Though he looked calm, his mind was anything but.
A drop of sweat slid down his brow. ‘I should have guessed it was a damn demon and from the looks of it a high ranking one. Who else could conjure up such madness!? I have no hope of taking this fiend on.’
His team was dead and he was all alone. This was perhaps the most dangerous situation he had ever been in. Thane’s thoughts quickly spun as he thought of a viable plan.
Thane took a deep breath. ‘I’ll only have one chance, if I can catch her by surprise with my blessing, she’ll be wounded and I can flee... if not...’ His brow scrunched with determination. ‘I can only fight to the death!’
His old eyes narrowed into thin slits full of murder, his muscles began to bulge with power. He took a crouching stance, gripping his axe with both hands.
Seeing this, the demoness licked her lip, though her eyes flashing with serious intent. ‘Oh? This bug has decently trained his anima, he’s dangerous.’
“Hah!”
With a swift leap, Thane had traversed the gap between himself and the demon. He swung his large axe at her with terrible ferocity and no wasted movements.
The demoness was not foolish enough to take such a powerful strike head on so with an agile twist that you wouldn’t expect from someone so tall, she barely evaded, though the axe did graze her armor leaving quite the dent.
Boom!
The axe embedded itself into the stone column causing spiderweb like cracks at its point of impact.
Before Thane could pull the axe free, the demoness had already spun around with a kick. Seeing the danger coming his way, Thane let go of the axe and blocked the kick with a cross guard.
“Ugh!” Thane grunted as he felt a tremendous force hit his arms throwing him backwards several feet, looking up he saw the demoness quickly close the gap between them.
Ignoring the burning sensation on his forearms, Thane growled, his inner anima strengthening his muscles and hardening his fists with a dull white glow surrounding them. He then stepped forth and threw a punch towards her head but she tilted it to the side, his fist catching nothing but air.
She then countered with a swift elbow to Thane’s jaw sending him sprawling to the ground. Thane felt dizzy for a moment but quickly got to his feet only to see a giant metal fist coming towards his face.
Relying on his instincts that he had honed over his several decades as mercenary, Thane just barely managed to dodge it and reply in kind with a punch towards the demoness’s side where his axe had previously weakened the armor.
The demoness felt a powerful shock to her ribs that almost lifted her off the ground and a finger long crack had appeared in her armor!
“Ha! Well done human!” She laughed gleefully, her expression twisting in excitement.
With bloodlust in her eyes, she gripped Thane’s shoulder and with a toothy grin, she headbutted him.
“Ugh!” Thane cried out in pain, feeling as if he had hit his head on a brick wall.
Before he gather any semblance of thought, she headbutted him again and then again. It was savage and relentless and it didn’t stop until Thane’s old face was battered and bloody and he had gone limp like a dead fish, seemingly unconscious.
“Heh quite admirable human! You have such a strong face. Your little friends would have had their faces caved in already with brains squirting outward.” The demoness face was drenched in Thane’s blood, she licked the blood off her lips and showed a hint of ecstasy as if she just enjoyed brutalizing someone.
The demoness thought for a moment as she held the passed out Thane in her grasp, she did think of choking him to death but then remembered something. “He did say to leave one alive...I guess you’ll do.”
“Be grateful for you won’t die yet- hmm..?” As she stared at Thane noticed something strange.
With teeth missing, a broken nose and orbital bone; his appearance was truly horrid but his eyes were now wide open, staring her in the eyes.
They were no longer coal black but yellow with a thin slit for a pupil like a snake filled with a certain primal intent as if a great beast was gazing at her. Suddenly, Thane’s eyes glowed brighter and instantly, it felt as if she was struck by lightning.
The demoness was stunned, releasing Thane. Her furious eyes firmly locked onto him as she cursed inwardly. ‘This bastard was hiding a blessing!’
In time it took for a second to pass, Thane’s hand had transformed into a fang and it had embedded itself in the crack in the demoness’s armor that he made with his two previous attacks.
In the next second she had regained control and with an enraged strike, she punched Thane several meters away into one of the surrounding stone columns.
Thane cradled his chest as he felt several of his broken ribs, hacking up a mouthful of blood he shakily stood and stared at the demoness with slight shock. ‘She was holding back before!’ Gulping, he then sprinted towards the surface not caring about the demoness behind him.
“You sneaky bug!” The demoness grit her teeth and was just about to chase Thane but quickly felt a weakness in her legs causing her to buckle and kneel.
"Poison!? You poisoned me?" The fact that this human insect had actually injured her this much absolutely infuriated her, it was proof of how weak she had gotten over the past few weeks. "How laughable.." She chuckled but there was no joy in her laugh, only a madness befitting a demon.
“To think I let a bug sting me, I’ve really gotten soft.” Her violet eyes changed to a crimson color, the air surrounding her began to ripple with heatwaves.
With a spiteful look, she grumbled. “You’re dead.”
