Synopsis Feedback 🍪

[Lorelliad]

I've recently had a surge in interest regarding fantasy novels. I'm currently constructing a prequel to the story I'm serializing right now, but it's still in its early stages. But thanks to my knowledge of the world in Parallel Log, I've got some ideas for world building for this one.

So I'd like feedback regarding my synopsis!

Midania Sagas - Four Heroes

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, Midania was merely a husk of its current self. It did not have access to the system the way the current era did, nor did its inhabitants know of the energy called mana. Instead, they relied on what was now referred to by Current Midania as “Aether.”

Now, Early-Midania is stricken with fear when the Human-Nonhuman Alliance is notified that the Demon King plans to wage war against them in hopes of taking over the world.

In a world that is constantly in fear of war, four unlikely individuals, each from drastically different backgrounds, will cross fates in an encounter that may have been ordained by the stars.

 

[BB_Tensei]

If I'm reading it right it may sound better as:

In a world that is constantly in fear of war, four unlikely individuals, each from drastically different backgrounds, will cross fates in an encounter possibly ordained by the stars.

Early-Midania is stricken with fear when the Human-Nonhuman Alliance is notified that the Demon King plans to wage war against them in a bid for world conquest.

Hundreds of years ago, Midania was merely a husk of its current self. This is a story of how the System came to be and how the energy we now know as Mana came to be from what Current-Midania calls Aether.

 

[Lorelliad]

If I'm reading it right it may sound better as:

In a world that is constantly in fear of war, four unlikely individuals, each from drastically different backgrounds, will cross fates in an encounter possibly ordained by the stars.

Early-Midania is stricken with fear when the Human-Nonhuman Alliance is notified that the Demon King plans to wage war against them in a bid for world conquest.

Hundreds of years ago, Midania was merely a husk of its current self. This is a story of how the System came to be and how the energy we now know as Mana came to be from what Current-Midania calls Aether.

Ah, well, in Parallel Log, Mana was only found and made use of by the humans when the Gates started appearing. In this story, Aether is a whole nother energy.

 

[ArrogantYoungMaster]

Not much to say, this daoist does not know the story.

Give the Demon King a name and Human-Nonhuman Alliance a more creative one.

 

[Lorelliad]

Not much to say, this daoist does not know the story.

Give the Demon King a name and Human-Nonhuman Alliance a more creative one.

Yeah, I haven't thought of a name for those two so I agree that they're kinda bland

 

[Corty]

Coming as someone who has no knowledge about the story; it says nothing to me.

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, Midania was merely a husk of its current self. It did not have access to the system the way the current era did, nor did its inhabitants know of the energy called mana

I don't know what the "current" is and what it is referring to. I have no context, and as a new reader, feeling lost will discourage me from picking up the book.

Now, Early-Midania is stricken with fear when the Human-Nonhuman Alliance is notified that the Demon King plans to wage war against them in hopes of taking over the world.

Same with this. Those are names, but I have no knowledge if this means anything or not. Reads as something generic. Need names or more background info if this is something awesome or just Demon_King#4332.

In a world that is constantly in fear of war, four unlikely individuals, each from drastically different backgrounds, will cross fates in an encounter that may have been ordained by the stars.

This is good. Need more like this.

I would re-write the first two so newcomers won't be discouraged or turned away instantly with differently worded/expanded descriptions. I would handle it as if the one reading the synopsis knows nothing about the previous book. Take it as if it isn't a prequel but a wholly new book/story.

That way, those who come in will enjoy it without the burden of not reading the first one and without feeling obliged to read another book before getting into this one. That is something that can turn away possible readers, and I consider it a big no-no.

I say this out of my current experience, running my second book in a shared universe. My new readers don't even need to know about the first book, but my returning readers can notice clues more easily and recognize references ahead of time of me explaining it in lore for everyone.

I hope this helps bring in some ideas for reworking the synopsis or gives some extra inspiration.

 

[Lorelliad]

Coming as someone who has no knowledge about the story; it says nothing to me.



I don't know what the "current" is and what it is referring to. I have no context, and as a new reader, feeling lost will discourage me from picking up the book.



Same with this. Those are names, but I have no knowledge if this means anything or not. Reads as something generic. Need names or more background info if this is something awesome or just Demon_King#4332.


This is good. Need more like this.

I would re-write the first two so newcomers won't be discouraged or turned away instantly with differently worded/expanded descriptions. I would handle it as if the one reading the synopsis knows nothing about the previous book. Take it as if it isn't a prequel but a wholly new book/story.

That way, those who come in will enjoy it without the burden of not reading the first one and without feeling obliged to read another book before getting into this one. That is something that can turn away possible readers, and I consider it a big no-no.

I say this out of my current experience, running my second book in a shared universe. My new readers don't even need to know about the first book, but my returning readers can notice clues more easily and recognize references ahead of time of me explaining it in lore for everyone.

I hope this helps bring in some ideas for reworking the synopsis or gives some extra inspiration.

I see, I see! Thanks, will try to fix it.