How do you feel and how can you turn a friend into girlfriend/boyfriend?

[Sylverius]

Context: my story's approaching a romance section, but I have 0 experience with romance at all.

So, I know all of us virgins need some romance experience, but how do you feel when you fall in love with someone? Does your heart beat loud or some cheesy/cringe-y shit like that? Or something else different? And how can you turn that same someone into your gf/bf?

 

[Reborn_Cat]

Context: my story's approaching a romance section, but I have 0 experience with romance at all.

So, I know all of us virgins need some romance experience, but how do you feel when you fall in love with someone? Does your heart beat loud or some cheesy/cringe-y shit like that? Or something else different? And how can you turn that same someone into your gf/bf?

Read a bunch of dumb rom-coms and see what you've picked up.
Or just be delusional as f**k and imagine your ideal romance

 

[Sylverius]

Read a bunch of dumb rom-coms and see what you've picked up.

No no, I don't want those kinds of romance, I want the real experience, but described cuz I sure as heck need it since I'm nearing the romance section. Also, I go for realistic approach.

 

[Reborn_Cat]

No no, I don't want those kinds of romance, I want the real experience, but described cuz I sure as heck need it since I'm nearing the romance section. Also, I go for realistic approach.

Then read a bunch romance novels your parents would probably read?

 

[Lloyd]

Women like strength, so just make the guy get stronger. Men like almost anything, so no effort required there. It is actually scientifically proven women judge much harder on appearance than men. TLDR don't be a beta male.

 

[Reborn_Cat]

Women like strength, so just make the guy get stronger. Men like almost anything, so no effort required there. It is actually scientifically proven women judge much harder on appearance than men. TLDR don't be a beta male.

Nah, they tend to like it when someone makes them feel special or unique, guy are a bit like that too

 

[ohko]

You know you're in love if you're spending way too much time thinking about someone.

Doki doki is an exaggeration. A lot of people don't realize they're in love. It's not always a super obvious feeling.

You can't really "turn" someone into a gf/bf. You can, however, flirt with them or ask them out.

Flirting is the art of communicating with someone suggestively in ways that is meant to change the way that they look at you. Assuming that your friend only saw you as a friend in the past, "flirting" with your friend means saying things and presenting yourself in ways so that senpai notices you. One of the simplest ways to flirt is increased casual physical contact (i.e. grabbing someone's hand more often or sitting much closer to them). Teasing someone is also often a very effective way to flirt with someone.

The process of flirting with someone you like also involves spending a lot of time with them -- seeking them out and spending as much free time with them as possible. If they don't dislike you, many hours of (fun) time spent with a sexually/romantically compatible friend can often lead to chemistry sparking. A lot of my relationships (and my friends relationships) started with studying together with our romantic interests. To sort of paint a picture, it's like visiting your love interest's dorm room, cramming for a project/exam the two of you are rushing to finish, and studying with them late at night... falling asleep on each other's beds... study breaks... you get the idea.

Sometimes the act of confessing to someone can also change the way that they look at you.

Most people are starved for relationships. If you invest a lot of energy and attention into someone, many people are likely to appreciate it. Nearly everyone likes attention (unless it's attention from a "weirdo" or a creep, so don't be a weirdo/creep).

 

[ohko]

Women like strength, so just make the guy get stronger. Men like almost anything, so no effort required there. It is actually scientifically proven women judge much harder on appearance than men. TLDR don't be a beta male.

There's something that I consider (Fantasy material) vs. (Dating material).

Aggressive bad boy type gangster guys are certainly popular in fantasies, but most women would probably agree that they're way too scary to be with actually. When I was growing up, many of the 'popular' / 'aggressive' guys strongly intimidated me and just not someone I would be comfortable being with.

For me, "dating material" are guys that I would feel comfortable being vulnerable with. Someone that I could open my heart to, and feel warm with. Many of these types aren't aggressive (by the "alpha" sense) and nearly all of the guys that I have liked are genuinely nice/caring people. Note that "nice" =/= "beta", in the sense the unconfident, whiny, indecisive are generally bad traits (people who often complain about "beta"-ness are often whiny IMO). The best combination is good-natured/empathetic yet confident and extremely kind.

I don't really think too many women judge as hard as you claim on appearance.

Maybe for tinder and flings, but for stable/serious relationships, it's a mix of a multitude of factors mostly related to how how well they can foresee a life together in the future. I do think many women often have stricter criteria than men (i.e. smokes = automatic no / no income = automatic no), but appearance often is usually not a definite criteria point.

 

[Lloyd]

Nah, they tend to like it when someone makes them feel special or unique, guy are a bit like that too

Maybe in fantasy land, but in real life women are basically animals driven almost completely by their instincts to find a strong/powerful mate.

 

[SailusGebel]

There's something that I consider (Fantasy material) vs. (Dating material).

Aggressive bad boy type gangster guys are certainly popular in fantasies, but most women would probably agree that they're way too scary to be with actually. When I was growing up, many of the 'popular' / 'aggressive' guys strongly intimidated me and just not someone I would be comfortable being with.

For me, "dating material" are guys that I would feel comfortable being vulnerable with. Someone that I could open my heart to, and feel warm with. Many of these types aren't aggressive (by the "alpha" sense) and nearly all of the guys that I have liked are genuinely nice/caring people. Note that "nice" =/= "beta", in the sense the unconfident, whiny, indecisive are generally bad traits (people who often complain about "beta"-ness are often whiny IMO). The best combination is good-natured/empathetic yet confident and extremely kind.

I don't really think too many women judge as hard as you claim on appearance.

Maybe for tinder and flings, but for stable/serious relationships, it's a mix of a multitude of factors mostly related to how how well they can foresee a life together in the future. I do think many women often have stricter criteria than men (i.e. smokes = automatic no / no income = automatic no), but appearance often is usually not a definite criteria point.

You are partially wrong about aggressive bad boy type btw. It all comes down to different countries and cities, differences in age, social thingies, and so on. In my school days, half the girls went after 'bad boys'.

 

[CypherTails]

If you are just asking about the transition of friend to more than friends honestly it really depends on the individuals.

Some make it more official like the pair have an agreement to date, think confessions.

Sometimes it's more unspoken like they start holding hands, share a kiss, go out a few times and then it just sort of ends up that way.

Some even have a dating phase in between, like a friend --> dating --> official relationship

So it honestly depends, as for the actual building of the romance a lot of people have different opinions on it but honestly of the above replies. They are all true depending on the individual.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Context: my story's approaching a romance section, but I have 0 experience with romance at all.

So, I know all of us virgins need some romance experience, but how do you feel when you fall in love with someone? Does your heart beat loud or some cheesy/cringe-y shit like that? Or something else different? And how can you turn that same someone into your gf/bf?

No no, I don't want those kinds of romance, I want the real experience, but described cuz I sure as heck need it since I'm nearing the romance section. Also, I go for realistic approach.

If you ask us who have no experience in romance/dating what its like to fall in love with someone, either way its gonna come up with what we think falling in love is like versus how we may actually feel when we fall in love.

There are romance stories that are more believable and has some traits in reality and then there are romance stories that are just go on without a brain. Sort the ones out, pick traits that you feel is actually grounded in or resemble some pieces of irl to build your romance development between charactesr.

Or better yet, look at couples in real life, perhaps parents or relatives, friends, etc. How is their love relationship? That is real life, and it gives you some idea how relationships are like though ofc, not every romance irl is like that.

Women like strength, so just make the guy get stronger. Men like almost anything, so no effort required there. It is actually scientifically proven women judge much harder on appearance than men. TLDR don't be a beta male.

No, not all women like just strength. Some may, but others also don't.

Irl there are plenty of relationships where the guy and the girl is not the strongest or the prettiest. Just look at when you go to grocery shopping and see couples at supermarket. People walking around you in streets and people you see. Its all glammed up in fiction, most of us just average couples. ofc, there are ones that are occasionally like that too.

I agree with @ohko sometimes you can't tell when they fall in love and it happens gradually. And women don't always go for the bad boys, I cringe every time I see it on Wattpad. Or those rich CEO stories. Stories like to exaggerate things, but if it was really irl, we will find it downright creepy or just a No. Sure, there's some that do, but settling down? I think most of us don't want to date bad boys, most of us like someone who will treat us with care, decent and there for us, etc. and this is someone who we fall in love with.

Besides just the appearance, things that make women fall in love with you is also how you are also there to encourage and support them. There is chemistry, etc. Perhaps not the fling fling romance or the superficial romance, but people look for relationships that will make them happy. And this can also go for guys and girls too.

One example, this couple. Guy may not be the best in appearance or the strongest, but decent average person. But he was there for her, even during times when it was hard. And girl fell in love with him over time. And when guy many years later had to go through a stressful situation, she was also there to help and support him all the way.

My guess when you fall in love with someone is that you feel happy or smile like when their names come up on your phone, happy and cherish the moment or activities you do with each other, etc. Your heart panics and you fill with worry when something may have or has happened to them. Etc. Can't really describe it bc how everyone falls in love may vary and be a bit different.

 

[ShrimpShady]

If you're having a random-ass conversation with a bunch of pals and the person you likes joins in, you'll suddenly become hyper-aware of everything you're doing, be it body language, the way you talk, or the words you're saying.

 

[TotallyHuman]

Honestly, I can only say that I've ever seen a single couple that I could, from a bystander's POV, call happy together, or loving each other. I feel our society kinda gently forces people to start dating or get married etc. But I digress.
They stuck a lot around each other and I didn't really feel like they tried to be anything more than themselves, but they did work to become better
Like, the boy (it was a bg couple) began to dress much nicer and his haircut became neater, the girl seemed to also become more careful.
They didn't talk to each other a lot, but they, I dunno, reacted to things as one? It's hard to explain.
Teens change fast, their opinions and emotions go all over the place, so writing realistic "true love" with them as focus is practically impossible. The advice I give is based on assumption that the characters you have, have fully formed personalities and priorities and goals. If they are below 20, you should really try to check for realism in your story and maybe you'll reconsider not just taking notes from romcoms.
It's because of them that I think that romance should be more organic, nothing firework-like, no doki-doki nonsense. Just have your characters go "how about we try", have them be a bit awkward and then slowly make them more natural around each other.
Don't go "the other person makes me feel butterflies in my stomach", go "it's nice to have someone to care fore, and have them care back for you"
Try to not add too much drama, if you go for the realism angle, no rivals, no misunderstandings, or have them talk things out instead of acting unreasonable.
Have you characters find annoying parts of one another and slowly, over the course of episodes or less, have them resolve such conflicts.
Romance is almost never that interesting in real life, so make it a background slow burn.
As an aromantic, I don't really get how dating works, so I kinda copy-paste stuff in my stories from templates based on other stories, so take my words with a huge fistful of salt.

 

[Reborn_Cat]

Maybe in fantasy land, but in real life women are basically animals driven almost completely by their instincts to find a strong/powerful mate.

Women going after men just cause they are strong is more fantasy world like. Nowadays most people just want some who make them feel like they are loved and special, or someone they can enjoy themselves with.

 

[ohko]

You are partially wrong about aggressive bad boy type btw. It all comes down to different countries and cities, differences in age, social thingies, and so on. In my school days, half the girls went after 'bad boys'.

It's age and maturity related IMO.

You're not wrong that a lot of girls go for 'bad boys' (especially on tinder-like platforms), but it tends to be something that people go for when they're younger and aiming to date for fun. They're generally not the type of men that most women prefer to settle with.

 

[Lloyd]

Women going after men just cause they are strong is more fantasy world like. Nowadays most people just want some who make them feel like they are loved and special, or someone they can enjoy themselves with.

This is obviously untrue if you know anything about women. Like 85% of women have had a rape fantasy and about half have them regularly. They seriously only look for strength and power on an instinctual level, with very few exceptions.

 

[Reborn_Cat]

This is obviously untrue if you know anything about women. Like 85% of women have had a rape fantasy and about half have them regularly. They seriously only look for strength and power on an instinctual level, with very few exceptions.

We are a generation of people starved for attention, I feel I don't need to elaborate further.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Imo as someone with experience in both - you don't really progress from one to another. Friendships stay friendships. Unless they were originally the uncertain/flirty friendships due to both parties being too shy with telling their real feeling, so to say. Or too dense to realise their own feelings themselves.

If you do want to progress that way - imo you needed to show some spark of attraction early on, or have some sort of event that shook their perception of one another to the core. For example, they have never seen each other undressed and suddenly they are on the beach and now there are feelings that they weren't prepared for. Or one sees the other doing something that triggers some kink/attraction/desire in a partner and forces them to re-evaluate said friend as a potential partner.

 

[blanksphere]

All I can add is that a little humour goes a long way. This is for both gf/bf.