LuoirM
Voidiris' enthusiast feet enjoyer.
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2021
- Messages
- 898
- Points
- 133
When I was 15 years old, I believe. I was born in 2006 and I'm mentioning 2020 so yeah, around that, yeah.
I was in a roleplay game.
Now, talking about roleplaying, you might think about some cringy stuff that kids do for mentally sexual pleasure, and, most likely you'll be right. But I struck quite the gold mine with a community that take pride in their literature ability, creating life-full character with laughter and smiles, adventuring through the well-crafted land of a homebrew DnD with heavy roleplay element.
The group I played with have less than 10 players, and I met a girl, she was 4 years older than me in the same city and we started hanging out because I made some money writing shit for a NFT dude idk he never elaborated so I can afford seeing her across town. The game took such great pride in fact that when I incidentally cause another person OC/character to die, they'd wish irl death on me.
I've been trying to keep this story out of memory for so long that I'm having trouble remembering the details, the girl was important, so I typed it out, but couldn't remember why. As you can see, I'm typing this as I think and no rereading.
While our relationship was at its peak irl, I was a very destructive kid on the roleplay game.
You know those people who ruined a DnD experience by doing dumb shit, like a rogue stabbing everything without thoughts and what not? That's me.
She tried her best to defend me, even embarrassing herself and speaking up for me when the team confronts me, which, my young, stupid ass, took as sign I should do more problem.
Our relationship only corrupts from there, when I cause her character to die protecting mine (because my character did something stupid that provoke a strong character).
This is very symbolic, now that I think about it, don't you?
It haven't fully shattered yet, but only got worse. I was kept around because my roleplaying ability was quite good, and with my background as a writer, my characters are just unique and life-like (not stroking my ego, just saying what they told me), my skills was just below the veterans like the DM himself and his mentor (they're like, 30 with 15 years of rping exp)
I was kept around but that just means more problem for me to cause, I was not getting smarter, I was not getting more common sense slapped into my head, the game elected to ignore me and looking back I wish I could just quit and they'd just kick me fully.
Instead, I got worse, and their insults, death threats and other stuff, I want to use the word "bully" but I think that's not reflective (since they're not picking on me for no reason), it's just really heavy hatred.
It's like an eternal pendulem, swing to the left, I cause them stress, swing back to the right, they cause me sadness. A never ending cycle that probably was the conduit for one another.
We finally broke up fully after I made a bad joke about an item that the girl gave my character
Context: The next hoard of monsters we fight have a frontline that negates every [Shield], and she just upgraded an item that buffed [Shield] for my character to use, so I joked "Damn, it's useless."
Yes, I was very stupid, you can throw tomatoes and eggs, here's a basket.
With no one left on my side, I slowly sees my path to redemption, but still, I detoured away and went on a darker route.
By the end of 2021 or early 2022, or somewhere before that like mid 2021. I attempted to take my life 3 times... Well, probably 1, because the first one was just impulses, staring and crying down from the 3rd floor of my school, the second one was failed, and the 3rd time (overdosing attempt) caused me to fell ill for 4 days straight, skipping school and everything.
I came back and my character died after then in a mistake I made in the harder dungeon, the DM loved her (he made quite an fanart for her) and opened a vote to see if we can bend the rule to save her, and he was quite mad at me because I stayed silent while that was going on. I was just overwhelmed, I couldn't place my hands on my keyboard then, but I don't have anyway to say that or prove it, I just stared at everyone voted, most agreed because they loved her, too. (This might contradict with the rogue example I give, because the old character was dead and this character was my redemption, she was way better/nice/righteous), but one disagreed because of the roleplayer; i.e me, and she died.
I was kicked from the game soon after because of a communication error, in which; I started to see the DM trying to incriminate me into bad.
I hung out with him irl, and I was just zoning out the whole day while he give me and another guy spoiler on how this next boss/obstacle work.
I didn't pay much attention, so when the boss came and I accidentally overcame it with some other people (like, half the game), they accused me of hoarding the information for myself because the DM said "I already told Luoir, he should've told you." so I got kicked out of that campaign even after trying to explain.
There was one more incident like that that's more clear, he privately told me to do something, and when I did and failed, he said "Well I was just suggesting."
Anyway, the straw that broke the camel's back was when roleplaying on the next campaign, I was kept away from the group chat, and my character was accused of being a phony because of something he said, basically...
"I think we should give this character 3 times/chances to prove herself, if not, I can volunteer killing her."
I don't know if anything wrong with that, that's just how I would view the situation, maybe I was implying my own beliefs on my character then, but I don't necessarily see the wrong in that statement. My charater gave the character another chance, and she disappoint everyone three times, I gave her a chance so I would take it away.
The team did not get rubbed the wrong way with the word "kill", they agreed with me, but only the fact that they were convinced I was playing fake hero, I was trying to act edgy because I "volunteer"
I don't know, I don't understand, maybe I did. The point of that was... I got scolded real well, my character got called names in the game, and I left and blocked everyone, never came back.
From then, I kept on a perverted online persona to cope with insecurity and serious situations, which is why a lot of people don't like me; whenever I get into a situation that tense and the atmosphere condenses, I would just leave or make a very dry and stupid joke. I haven't grow out of it, maybe when I grow up.
There is no conclusion, just a lot of words, thank you for reading, sincerely, Luoir, or SAVI.
P/s: Please do not have any hatred towards the people of this story, I, expericing everything first hand and now looking back, I think their actions were justified, and most of them were quite nice, the only two who bullied me the most are the more insensitive/realistic people so I guess it's in their character, it would not be right to condemn them, especially when they're not here. But please, point out the wrongs in me, that'll help me improve.
I was in a roleplay game.
Now, talking about roleplaying, you might think about some cringy stuff that kids do for mentally sexual pleasure, and, most likely you'll be right. But I struck quite the gold mine with a community that take pride in their literature ability, creating life-full character with laughter and smiles, adventuring through the well-crafted land of a homebrew DnD with heavy roleplay element.
The group I played with have less than 10 players, and I met a girl, she was 4 years older than me in the same city and we started hanging out because I made some money writing shit for a NFT dude idk he never elaborated so I can afford seeing her across town. The game took such great pride in fact that when I incidentally cause another person OC/character to die, they'd wish irl death on me.
I've been trying to keep this story out of memory for so long that I'm having trouble remembering the details, the girl was important, so I typed it out, but couldn't remember why. As you can see, I'm typing this as I think and no rereading.
While our relationship was at its peak irl, I was a very destructive kid on the roleplay game.
You know those people who ruined a DnD experience by doing dumb shit, like a rogue stabbing everything without thoughts and what not? That's me.
She tried her best to defend me, even embarrassing herself and speaking up for me when the team confronts me, which, my young, stupid ass, took as sign I should do more problem.
Our relationship only corrupts from there, when I cause her character to die protecting mine (because my character did something stupid that provoke a strong character).
This is very symbolic, now that I think about it, don't you?
It haven't fully shattered yet, but only got worse. I was kept around because my roleplaying ability was quite good, and with my background as a writer, my characters are just unique and life-like (not stroking my ego, just saying what they told me), my skills was just below the veterans like the DM himself and his mentor (they're like, 30 with 15 years of rping exp)
I was kept around but that just means more problem for me to cause, I was not getting smarter, I was not getting more common sense slapped into my head, the game elected to ignore me and looking back I wish I could just quit and they'd just kick me fully.
Instead, I got worse, and their insults, death threats and other stuff, I want to use the word "bully" but I think that's not reflective (since they're not picking on me for no reason), it's just really heavy hatred.
It's like an eternal pendulem, swing to the left, I cause them stress, swing back to the right, they cause me sadness. A never ending cycle that probably was the conduit for one another.
We finally broke up fully after I made a bad joke about an item that the girl gave my character
Context: The next hoard of monsters we fight have a frontline that negates every [Shield], and she just upgraded an item that buffed [Shield] for my character to use, so I joked "Damn, it's useless."
Yes, I was very stupid, you can throw tomatoes and eggs, here's a basket.
With no one left on my side, I slowly sees my path to redemption, but still, I detoured away and went on a darker route.
By the end of 2021 or early 2022, or somewhere before that like mid 2021. I attempted to take my life 3 times... Well, probably 1, because the first one was just impulses, staring and crying down from the 3rd floor of my school, the second one was failed, and the 3rd time (overdosing attempt) caused me to fell ill for 4 days straight, skipping school and everything.
I came back and my character died after then in a mistake I made in the harder dungeon, the DM loved her (he made quite an fanart for her) and opened a vote to see if we can bend the rule to save her, and he was quite mad at me because I stayed silent while that was going on. I was just overwhelmed, I couldn't place my hands on my keyboard then, but I don't have anyway to say that or prove it, I just stared at everyone voted, most agreed because they loved her, too. (This might contradict with the rogue example I give, because the old character was dead and this character was my redemption, she was way better/nice/righteous), but one disagreed because of the roleplayer; i.e me, and she died.
I was kicked from the game soon after because of a communication error, in which; I started to see the DM trying to incriminate me into bad.
I hung out with him irl, and I was just zoning out the whole day while he give me and another guy spoiler on how this next boss/obstacle work.
I didn't pay much attention, so when the boss came and I accidentally overcame it with some other people (like, half the game), they accused me of hoarding the information for myself because the DM said "I already told Luoir, he should've told you." so I got kicked out of that campaign even after trying to explain.
There was one more incident like that that's more clear, he privately told me to do something, and when I did and failed, he said "Well I was just suggesting."
Anyway, the straw that broke the camel's back was when roleplaying on the next campaign, I was kept away from the group chat, and my character was accused of being a phony because of something he said, basically...
"I think we should give this character 3 times/chances to prove herself, if not, I can volunteer killing her."
I don't know if anything wrong with that, that's just how I would view the situation, maybe I was implying my own beliefs on my character then, but I don't necessarily see the wrong in that statement. My charater gave the character another chance, and she disappoint everyone three times, I gave her a chance so I would take it away.
The team did not get rubbed the wrong way with the word "kill", they agreed with me, but only the fact that they were convinced I was playing fake hero, I was trying to act edgy because I "volunteer"
I don't know, I don't understand, maybe I did. The point of that was... I got scolded real well, my character got called names in the game, and I left and blocked everyone, never came back.
From then, I kept on a perverted online persona to cope with insecurity and serious situations, which is why a lot of people don't like me; whenever I get into a situation that tense and the atmosphere condenses, I would just leave or make a very dry and stupid joke. I haven't grow out of it, maybe when I grow up.
There is no conclusion, just a lot of words, thank you for reading, sincerely, Luoir, or SAVI.
P/s: Please do not have any hatred towards the people of this story, I, expericing everything first hand and now looking back, I think their actions were justified, and most of them were quite nice, the only two who bullied me the most are the more insensitive/realistic people so I guess it's in their character, it would not be right to condemn them, especially when they're not here. But please, point out the wrongs in me, that'll help me improve.
