This version of things isn't really my forte (mostly because I think of the canon characters and...that shifts me away immediately), so content-wise, I can't say too much so far. But when it comes to the reading, to start with, this reads really stiff throughout. Something I realized about writing effective erotica with my experiments doing so is that flow, rhythm, and aesthetic stuff with prose will play much more into it. I highly recommend watching this episode I made on the topic, as it goes into much greater detail on the advice I'd give
The part, in particular, I wish to point to is what I said about sentence variants. For instance, see this here at the very beginning:
Another thing I can recommend is exploring more the emotional aspect of stuff during these scenes. There is plenty of physical things with the act itself, but the emotional stuff or impact of each part feels underdeveloped to me. If you get more balance of both sides going with that (I recommend with things like scene/sequel structure), this would probably feel less mechanical and more alive. Adding more sensory details beyond touch and taste could help, though you didn't do a bad job with that. In your case, you have potential with what you're doing; it's just a matter of layering more skills to appeal to emotions.
Hey everyone! If we haven't crossed paths before,
here's a snapshot of my expertise in writing and storytelling. I'm diving back into offering feedback to writers eager to elevate their work. But before you post, here's the deal:
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I guess I really have a bad luck problem I end up reviewing the wrong novel so I hope you could share me the correct link But even so I would still say I had very hard time trying to understand who are these character it's related to Little Pony but I can't say in a sense this is related to little Pony There is a lack of understanding of all the characters and around the world what is the world is this a casual sex world for it has some strict Rules like normal It would be more fun to write about the main character where he is a male and He started to sell his body I would say this current story would not be liked by male or female