Casual reader feedback

BernKatstel

BernKatstel

Witch of miracles/Miracle feline
Joined
Jan 21, 2024
Messages
235
Points
93
harrydouthwaite said:
Here is my recently edited story. Hopefully you find it intriguing.

www.scribblehub.com

Feelings and Fondness

In the mid-2000s, eleven-year-old Robin Brush lives in the commuter belt village of Stanstead Abbotts in Hertfordshire, England. He suffers constantly from being bullied, ridiculed, or misunderstood by almost everyone. Forced to live an isolated life as an outcast, he doesn't even have any...
www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
Click to expand...
Good day. It was certainly interesting

I read the whole story.

This is the score I decided on:

Overall: Enjoyable

Grammar (5/5): There were no real noticeable errors. It gets an automatic 5 since it didn’t interrupt my reading.

Style (4.5/5) Your style is nothing short of good. You don’t try anything new, but that’s not really a problem as you do the average perfectly. Good amount of both short and long paragraphs, no annoying spacing or wording, appropriate sentence length, etc. It made reading very comfortable! You don’t get a five only because you tend to linger around some things for longer than necessary when they don’t really add anything to the scene or story as a whole.

Story (3/5): It was entertaining. Plot is simple and had a bit too wide of a direction, but I think that’s fine. I believe you managed to make the setting stand out with your writing, and the events that transpired managed to make me react accordingly. I was certainly irked by the bullying and the attitude of some adults. Last chapters were too abrupt imo, though… things happened quickly, not much was resolved… I am guessing that’s why it is marked as being on ‘Hiatus‘ and not ‘complete’ despite the last chapter saying it’s the end? Not sure.

Characters (4/5): Good character writing. I liked the ones I was supposed to and disliked the ones that acted like idiots. I felt concerned for the MC and his friend despite the small amount of chapters. The only issue I have is the lack of distinct personality or voice for the rest of the cast. The mothers felt like the same person and the bullies (counting justin‘s new friends as bullies too) didn’t feel much different either, apart from maybe Darren and the detective mom. Again, could be said to be because of the short nature of the story and the average word count, it is difficult. You might just have wanted to solely focus on Tim and Robin, if that’s the case, then good job!

Soooo, nice story. I was pleasantly surprised. There were some things I found kinda icky, but I would have still liked to see more. I do think this story would be better received on Amazon, ngl. I hope you keep writing!
 
MasFaqih

MasFaqih

Normal White Cat | Fluffy | Can bite really hard
Joined
Apr 10, 2024
Messages
251
Points
43
Hello sir iam a new author i hope you can give me a feedback,so i can keep improve my writing Here my novel
 
IncognitoAlbatross

IncognitoAlbatross

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2021
Messages
7
Points
53
Hello! If it's not too much, could you give me feedback on what I've got so far? It's a magical girl story because I like magical girls. I don't have enough to really draw people in, I know, but I want to know what people think of the introductory chapters. I know the prologue might be too much. Even as I was writing it, I was like, "Is this too dark?"

But, uh, you didn't come here to hear me ramble self-consciously. I apologize.

So yeah, if you have the time, some feedback would be appreciated.
 
harrydouthwaite

harrydouthwaite

Member
Joined
May 4, 2023
Messages
26
Points
18
BernKatstel said:
Good day. It was certainly interesting

I read the whole story.

This is the score I decided on:

Overall: Enjoyable

Grammar (5/5): There were no real noticeable errors. It gets an automatic 5 since it didn’t interrupt my reading.

Style (4.5/5) Your style is nothing short of good. You don’t try anything new, but that’s not really a problem as you do the average perfectly. Good amount of both short and long paragraphs, no annoying spacing or wording, appropriate sentence length, etc. It made reading very comfortable! You don’t get a five only because you tend to linger around some things for longer than necessary when they don’t really add anything to the scene or story as a whole.

Story (3/5): It was entertaining. Plot is simple and had a bit too wide of a direction, but I think that’s fine. I believe you managed to make the setting stand out with your writing, and the events that transpired managed to make me react accordingly. I was certainly irked by the bullying and the attitude of some adults. Last chapters were too abrupt imo, though… things happened quickly, not much was resolved… I am guessing that’s why it is marked as being on ‘Hiatus‘ and not ‘complete’ despite the last chapter saying it’s the end? Not sure.

Characters (4/5): Good character writing. I liked the ones I was supposed to and disliked the ones that acted like idiots. I felt concerned for the MC and his friend despite the small amount of chapters. The only issue I have is the lack of distinct personality or voice for the rest of the cast. The mothers felt like the same person and the bullies (counting justin‘s new friends as bullies too) didn’t feel much different either, apart from maybe Darren and the detective mom. Again, could be said to be because of the short nature of the story and the average word count, it is difficult. You might just have wanted to solely focus on Tim and Robin, if that’s the case, then good job!

Soooo, nice story. I was pleasantly surprised. There were some things I found kinda icky, but I would have still liked to see more. I do think this story would be better received on Amazon, ngl. I hope you keep writing!
Click to expand...

Much appreciated, thank you! I'm glad you liked my tale of Robin and his little buddy, Timothy.

I did detect some errors a few weeks ago and fixed them. This has been edited and polished to the best of my ability.
The story is intended for an audience as young as ten years old, thus it has to be simple but relatable. We see the story almost entirely from Robin's point of view, so whatever he sees and draws his attention, is what the reader sees.
It is still marked as Hiatus/Unfinished as I'm still open to feedback or suggestions on additional developments or structural changes.
The bullies don't really have any distinct personalities as Robin usually just doesn't see it, to him every bully is alike. Furthermore, the adults are primarily neutral characters as Robin just doesn't really relate to them, the exceptions to neutrality of course being most of his teachers and his dad, who are negative influences in the story and this really does resemble a conflict that most kids experience at least once in their lives, and usually it never gets resolved in a way that feels satisfying.

I may well write some more stories about Robin and Timothy in the future, I do have some ideas floating around. Then I also want to create another story in the series with an entirely new cast that more closely resembles my own life experiences, as this story is mostly my comfort piece.
 
J

Jonnyrubberma

Member
Joined
May 29, 2024
Messages
42
Points
18
BernKatstel said:
I should be working right about now, but my intrusive thoughts won. If anyone wants some free story feedback from the POV of a casual reader, post it, and I’ll get to it whenever I can. I plan to read a couple chapters before giving my thoughts on any of them (something like five or more). If you want my critique to be private, I can send it in PM’s as well.

Rules: No rules. They suck and I will read whatever you bother to link.

Note: if you haven’t logged in for longer than a week, I will push your review to the back of the queue

-Sleep deprived cat 🐈‍⬛
Click to expand...
Ok,if you want a quickie,go to Space Battles and look up Space Monster Bloodbath.Its written on those threads or whatever and it needs to be rewritten but I'm just too fuckin lazy right now.And a story from your phone ain't easy.I used to write with a pencil and paper,for chrissake
 
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