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Then consider looking into a religion. If there is no afterlife then you lose nothing but if there is an afterlife then you have a better chance of making it to the good one depending on what religion you choose.

it's not that. it's that existing forever with no outs whatsoever is horrifying to me

Based on most religions, you only hate living in the afterlife if you are deemed unworthy of going to the good one. If you go to the good one then you won't be suffering and will enjoy every bit of it since there is no pain or evil.