RavenRunes
Filth Wizard
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2022
- Messages
- 767
- Points
- 133
I am coming up to writing some actual action in my novel, and I've never done this. So here's a little excerpt, which I'd like some thoughts on if youse all wouldn't mind:
Arianlach’s sword was a vicious and cumbersome-looking thing, straight-bladed and long, both sides of the blade sharp. He lifted his shield and crouched behind it with his sword over the rim, awaiting Sorrel’s attack.
Sorrel shifted his weight onto his left foot, then sprang, his right foot striking the shield as he landed. In the same movement, the spear came down, sliding past Arianlach’s neck as he leaned sideways to avoid the blow. The spear-tip struck the ground, Sorrel flinging himself around it to land behind Arianlach.
He pressed the blade of his knife to the back of Arianlach’s neck.
That's it, just a quickie training scene. Would you add more? Change anything? Can you picture the move happening? I'll take any constructive criticism, and thank you!
Arianlach’s sword was a vicious and cumbersome-looking thing, straight-bladed and long, both sides of the blade sharp. He lifted his shield and crouched behind it with his sword over the rim, awaiting Sorrel’s attack.
Sorrel shifted his weight onto his left foot, then sprang, his right foot striking the shield as he landed. In the same movement, the spear came down, sliding past Arianlach’s neck as he leaned sideways to avoid the blow. The spear-tip struck the ground, Sorrel flinging himself around it to land behind Arianlach.
He pressed the blade of his knife to the back of Arianlach’s neck.
That's it, just a quickie training scene. Would you add more? Change anything? Can you picture the move happening? I'll take any constructive criticism, and thank you!
