Appreciate my story

Quixotic

Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2023
Messages
6
Points
18
Hello, I would love it if you could leave feedback on my story. And indicate to me what would be better to improve.

 

TheMonotonePuppet

A Writer With Enthusiasm & A Jester of Christmas!
Joined
Apr 24, 2023
Messages
2,574
Points
128
Hello, I would love it if you could leave feedback on my story. And indicate to me what would be better to improve.

I would love to! Would you be open to having a quid pro quo of feedback, where we can comment on each other's stories on the comment section below, and provide feedback here?
 

phaeous

The Semanticist
Joined
Jan 19, 2020
Messages
171
Points
83
Hello, I would love it if you could leave feedback on my story. And indicate to me what would be better to improve.

I got the impression in the original chapter that the hero-consciousness was a masculine girl

but then you said at the end it was a boy

so i couldn't enjoy the next chapter
 
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