Book review

[Omniscient]

Can anyone review my book and tell me should I change my writing style?

" https://www.scribblehub.com/series/612268/wrath-of-reality/ "

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

First off I would like to point out that I am not a very good author, and my reading comprehension is debatable. Focusing on your story, there are bigger problems than just writing style. I won't comment on the grammar since you said not to in the footnote of the prologue. The first thing is that the chapters are way to short, and they don't really explain anything. In the prologue reality is falling apart, so at least something is happening. The next two chapters though are mostly just the MC's internal ramblings about how "Normal Society" is bad. In the end it is difficult to read and take away anything. I would suggest turning the story away from the internal ramblings of the MC, or at least give some sort of plot element.

 

[K_Jira]

I'm not really used to reviewing things here, but I tried taking a shot at this. Just a disclaimer, I won't be commenting on your story itself but more to formatting context.

First of all, I suggest you read some of the novels here in scribble hub or other web novel platforms. Most of the readers here (if I'm not wrong) read on their phones and it kind of intimidating and challenging for us, me including, to read a wall of text. I think you attempted to make paragraph on it but some had gaps and some don't. Scribblehub automatically added these gaps for you, so I think it won't take that much time to fix that.

How could this be reality?
How could he accept it?
H
O
W

C
O
U
L
D
H
E
?

For this part, I'm not sure if you want it to come of as dramatic, but my advice is to find another way to do it. But for me, if you write it like this:

How could this be reality?

How could he accept it?

How could he!?

It gives of the same vibe (you can either use '?' Or '!?').

Depending on how you break the paragraphs, it can give different nuance and effect to your story. Oh, and there's a feature for author's note if you want to write one.

Hope this helps.