can someone check my novel and rate it

[Mighty]

can someone read some of my novel chapters and tell me if it is okay or bad thx

I became the first demon Lord in another world with my skill

Kurayami Saito is your everyday coworker but one day it all changed when Kurayami died by being run by a truck when he tried to saved a teenager Kurayami was reincarnated in a world where sword and magic exist but not like your own isekai the world he was reincarnated...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[iWannaEatChicken]

Hi! I read your novel and my verdict is... it has potential

Personally, I'm not that into in isekai's but I think it could be interesting; the MC has the classic underdog tale, starting all the way from a lowly slave to the all-reaching Duke.

And even though your chapters have some grammar and literacy issues (for my standards), as long as your plot is really solid and you have enough chapters out, it won't matter (I know as I have muscled through a few very poorly translated novels because the story was too compelling )

Keep it up! The only way to improve is practice y'know

 

[Mighty]

Hi! I read your novel and my verdict is... it has potential

Personally, I'm not that into in isekai's but I think it could be interesting; the MC has the classic underdog tale, starting all the way from a lowly slave to the all-reaching Duke.

And even though your chapters have some grammar and literacy issues (for my standards), as long as your plot is really solid and you have enough chapters out, it won't matter (I know as I have muscled through a few very poorly translated novels because the story was too compelling )

Keep it up! The only way to improve is practice y'know

Thank you for the comment I really appreciate it and I will keep doing it

 

[melonpanwarrior]

I would suggest downloading something like Grammarly or writing your story on Word for the auto spelling and grammar check.

Synopsis:
I like that it starts off with a generic introduction ("where swords and magic exist"), and then gives the twist as "but monsters doesn't exist". But then the next sentence seems to be phrased weirdly ("But which his skill he became its first demon Lord"); would suggest a rewrite of this sentence. Also, I think you have room here to expand a little on what being a Demon Lord entails here (as it's different in every story) and the synopsis doesn't give much information about the story at the moment.

Prologue:
I like that your writing is short, concise and straight to the point. No unnecessary words to fill in the space. I also like your spacing between lines, making it even more easy for the reader to read. I think you could add a bit more detail in some areas though like where the person in the prologue randomly teleports to a "luxurious place". That doesn't really give enough detail for the reader to imagine what's going on. I think most of these issues is probably due to the fact that you're still learning English, so the best way for you to improve your writing at the moment is simply to improve on your English skills and keep reading books.

 

[Mighty]

T

I would suggest downloading something like Grammarly or writing your story on Word for the auto spelling and grammar check.

Synopsis:
I like that it starts off with a generic introduction ("where swords and magic exist"), and then gives the twist as "but monsters doesn't exist". But then the next sentence seems to be phrased weirdly ("But which his skill he became its first demon Lord"); would suggest a rewrite of this sentence. Also, I think you have room here to expand a little on what being a Demon Lord entails here (as it's different in every story) and the synopsis doesn't give much information about the story at the moment.

Prologue:
I like that your writing is short, concise and straight to the point. No unnecessary words to fill in the space. I also like your spacing between lines, making it even more easy for the reader to read. I think you could add a bit more detail in some areas though like where the person in the prologue randomly teleports to a "luxurious place". That doesn't really give enough detail for the reader to imagine what's going on. I think most of these issues is probably due to the fact that you're still learning English, so the best way for you to improve your writing at the moment is simply to improve on your English skills and keep reading books.

Thank you for giving me this advice

 

[greyblob]

there's noticeable improvement from ch1. the thing is, you're wasting a ton of potential with floating dialogues.

“Is there a problem, brother?” She asked, her eyes showing genuine concern.

“N-No, I don’t have a problem; don’t be concerned.” I tried my best to smile.

“If you say so. Alright, brother.” She sighed in relief.

this is an oversimplification but it makes dialogue a lot more animate. also you should use grammarly. there's a couple of wrong tenses here and there. and I personally think the spacing in the later chapters is annoying - sticking to 1 line between paragraphs is best.

 

[Mighty]

there's noticeable improvement from ch1. the thing is, you're wasting a ton of potential with floating dialogues.



this is an oversimplification but it makes dialogue a lot more animate. also you should use grammarly. there's a couple of wrong tenses here and there. and I personally think the spacing in the later chapters is annoying - sticking to 1 line between paragraphs is best.

I will try my best doing that thanks for the advice