Can someone review the first 2 chapters of my first novel

[rokuro_enamdo]

The novel is called I reincarnated as a jade beauty in a xianxia novel
The 1st chapter
The 2nd chapter

 

[UYScuti]

Are you basing it on this book?

Reincarnated as a Jade Beauty?!

Everything was going well for him: a well-earning job, a car, a home, but then he was tossed into a world of immortals, in the body of Jade Beauty of all things! ------- Hello, there. I'd written this novel a while back and only recently picked it up again, and...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[rokuro_enamdo]

Are you basing it on this book?

Reincarnated as a Jade Beauty?!

Everything was going well for him: a well-earning job, a car, a home, but then he was tossed into a world of immortals, in the body of Jade Beauty of all things! ------- Hello, there. I'd written this novel a while back and only recently picked it up again, and...

www.scribblehub.com

Yes it is based off that novel

 

[wresch]

Reviewers keep telling me I need a great cover, great title, and great first paragraph (I'm working on it). When I read your first paragraphs, I find a man waiting for a train - for some reason, playing with his phone - for some reason, and waiting for a promotion - for some reason. Give me a reason to care about this guy - a reason to keep reading. Is he in danger? Is something big about to happen? Give me some tension. Maybe a reason why he cares about the train being on time?

 

[sanitylimited]

Reviewers keep telling me I need a great cover, great title, and great first paragraph (I'm working on it). When I read your first paragraphs, I find a man waiting for a train - for some reason, playing with his phone - for some reason, and waiting for a promotion - for some reason. Give me a reason to care about this guy - a reason to keep reading. Is he in danger? Is something big about to happen? Give me some tension. Maybe a reason why he cares about the train being on time?

in isekai who the person is before the transfer is mostly irrelavent.

all you need to know is he is a generic nobody.