[Closed] Free Feedback from the Prince

[TheMonotonePuppet]

I'll give it a try, but theres quite a few others in front of you in the queue.

Cool beans! I appreciate you making the effort, even if you may be my first one-star (is it possible to do less than one-star?) rating on Scribble Hub. #Writer Milestones!

 

[Deleted member 113259]

With this knowledge I will would categorize it as a Treasure

As expected of my other account.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Cool beans! I appreciate you making the effort, even if you may be my first one-star (is it possible to do less than one-star?) rating on Scribble Hub. #Writer Milestones!

Ah well, I'm not rating any of the stories with stars on the main site, so don't worry about that.

 

[LowinKeshin]

I would like feedback on mine as well. In His Will

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Ah see, I didn't want to be spoiled so I didn't click it.

Here's the link: https://www.scribblehub.com/read/554511-the-dark-element/chapter/557826/

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Thank you for submitting to my Astonishing Spectacular Nondescript Serene Dragon Judgement

Spoiler: Feedback

I read to the end of the latest chapter Chapter 6: Hot Seat (1) and appendix
Your link sent me to chapter one but I started with your prologue anyway.

Your story reads more like a 'supernatural' 'mystery' 'adventure' 'action' . At least, that's what i imagine the combo would read as. As i review stories I'm beginning to think i don't enjoy mystery that much.

I feel like I would have read something like this in high school. That's not bad, it just feels like it's at that level or audience.

Your writing flows pretty well, though i got annoyed when you had the flashback chapter. I wanted to see what happen right away.

You have put a good amount of thought into your Worldbuilding and detail. I appreciate it.

The prologue is interesting and fits with the story title, since darkness seems to operate contrary to what we know. But maybe that's because we don't live in the dark ages anymore. The continuing tidbits are like little breadcrumbs.

I like the setting of the town, fog walls kinda reflect the darkness described in the prologue. A genereal uncertainty all around, good ambience.

The MCs quest reminds me of the beginning of full metal alchemist, even though I've only seen the first few episodes of it. And it seems like dealing with the loss of their parents will be an important plot point. MC motivations are caring and decent, even if I think there are better ways of dealing with something like that. The mindfulness is what matters. The brother's relationship is a good one where they can rely on each other.

I hope MCs continue their benevolence and only break laws when they need to. It would be a shame if they began to act too selfish.

Overall, my rating for your story is: Well Done
I didn't see anything too objectionable.
... and I guess you won't read my feedback because you wouldn't want to spoil yourself now~

I pray that you seek out the mysteries of God, as at the final day all man's secrets will be revealed and all will be held accountable for deeds known and unknown. Amen.

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[Anon2024]

Repoman

 

[Seaspecter]

I’d appreciate any feedback you could give me. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/554980/annas-dream/

 

[royalnobody]

Please bear with my meh story.

So I got a sword…..

A story about a girl who finds a talking sword. Ain't much else to it. But hey, join her in this not so grand adventure of passing school. I can only hope you'll enjoy it.

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Shadow-482]

You can judge my story. It's a little slow at the start but it will start to progress forward more from chapter 18 or 20.

“Chosen by the Elements”

In a parallel universe where magic is not just a thing of legends, Alex, a young student struggling with his mundane life, embarks on an extraordinary adventure. After enduring endless taunts and disappointment, Alex's life takes an unexpected turn when he stumbles upon an ancient ring left...

www.scribblehub.com

“Chosen by the Elements”
Synopsis:
In a parallel universe where magic is not just a thing of legends, Alex, a young student struggling with his mundane life, embarks on an extraordinary adventure.
After enduring endless taunts and disappointment, Alex's life takes an unexpected turn when he stumbles upon an ancient ring left behind by the late Mr. Johnson, the school's enigmatic security guard. Little does he know that this seemingly ordinary ring holds the key to unlocking a world where magic reigns supreme.
As Alex puts on the ring, he is transported to a parallel universe, a realm pulsating with raw magical energy and inhabited by mystical beings. Here, he discovers that he possesses an innate connection to the elements, he sets off on a captivating journey.
Join Alex as he explores enchanting landscapes, encounters mythical creatures, and delves deeper into the mysteries of this magical realm.
As he interacts with fellow magic users and faces formidable challenges, Alex's journey becomes a transformative experience, pushing him beyond his limits and unlocking his true potential.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Me pls, ty.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/699373/a-black-market-litrpg/

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Thank you for submitting to my Righteous Ascetic Lavish Dragon Judgement

Spoiler: Feedback

I read to the end of Chapter 8 – Lesson Delivered
I stopped because I think i have a good enough picture of the work.

Starting right off with a depressing loveless death scene with a character the reader doesn't know or care about either.
Then the real mc enters.
By the way he talks... is this character from your other scifi story which I have not read?

For some reason, maybe on my end, I have to read your action scenes twice to get a good cinematic picture of what's going on. I think I'm just reading them too fast. But why? idk.
i don't have the same issue outside of the action scenes.

Other than that, I didn't notice anything obvious enough to point out for you to improve on. I don't mind much for little detail errors here and there.

I notice there's an emphasis on addiction. Not just drugs, but habits and behaviors. The MC didn't even try to live life any differently, just went with how he's always knew. Perhaps he's addicted to the lifestyle.

The focus on gangland lifestyle is interesting, but also highlights the worst aspects of humanity. The themes of organized crime, vice, and unrepentant violence make my rating for this fairly straightforward.

That's not to say your writing and story aren't quality or entertaining to read, only that it isn't good for the mind or soul to indulge. People tend to be drawn in by these kinds of things.
Unhealthy mindset and all that.
There's no love, no benevolence, no kindness to be found in the story.

But it is badass.

Overall, my ranking for your story is: Toxic
I mean, the MC literally invents addictive drugs. lol

I pray that you find a sober mind with the Lord our God. May you find peace with him for the rest of your days and live well, knowing that you are in the hands of the almighty. Amen.

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[Tyranomaster]

This seems fun. Feedback on my stories is one of the few things in life that I still get stressed over, so it's probably best for me to exposure therapy myself on this.

Rebuilding Science in a Magic World

Volume 1: Our protagonist finds himself reincarnated as an imp in a world with magic! Armed with his wits and understanding of the modern world, but with no recollection of who he was or even the name of where he came from, he attempts to survive and understand just how this...

www.scribblehub.com

Enjoy. or don't

 

[TheTrinary]

Thanks for the feedback. I genuinley didn't expect you to read more than a chapter.

The big question is something you alluded to when you said there were better ways of doing that. Could you elaborate I'm curious.

For what it's worth, the mystery component is resolved at the end of the first act. The entirety of the second act is one protracted action scene. Altough I do love my mysteries and they do come back. Hehe.

Great feedback.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

The big question is something you alluded to when you said there were better ways of doing that. Could you elaborate I'm curious.

Ah well, I understand these guys were kids now teenagers so they probably wouldn't know any better. But instead of coming to terms with the loss of their mother they are going on a worldwide quest to bring her back. I think it's like kicking the can down the road. Unless there is a power that could help them do that (if there is, it's probably dangerous) they will have to accept it eventually.
Of course, thats the motivation for the whole story in the first place.

Edit: there's also the possibility they could lose themselves along the way. Unhealthy obsessions might do that.

I hope your writings go well in the future.

 

[WaryTiger]

RemindMe! One Year "The Dragon Wakes"


Little Bamboo

 

[PBJ_Time]

Here you go, fam. If you're gonna read two of my drafts (or at least skim through one of them), please tell me which works better as an isekai litRPG. Thanks.

Slay The Cross (Old)

docs.google.com

Google Docs: Sign-in

Access Google Docs with a personal Google account or Google Workspace account (for business use).

docs.google.com

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

You said I gave too much power over me to Envy, now I am giving power to you.

I trust you my next of kin. Feel free to give your judgment when you see it convenient.

Link:

Nowhere to Run

Nina is a young priestess that just started her journey in the Highlands, in a faraway land. But everything falls apart when greater forces are scheming and unknown men are suddenly after her. She will have no choice but to resort to her wits, trust unexpected allies, and navigate her...

www.scribblehub.com

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Thank you for submitting to my Heroic Outstanding Modest Dragon Judgement

Spoiler: Feedback

I read to the end of Chapter 5: A Harrowing End
I stopped because i believe this is a good point to pick up at a later date.

I'll start with the biggest issue i come across while reading.
You tend to write long sentences that are sometimes run-on. reading these can be tiring, but i often see that there should be periods instead of commas.

You could improve by varying your sentence lengths in each paragraph. mix short, medium, and long sentences. This helps it be more interesting and less of a drag.

Spoiler: Early on this confused me, had to reread

"Despite having been born among them, Nina knew little about her own people. She was raised in seclusion, in the heart of the respected Valdir household outside the clan territories. Although she had grown hearing stories and read everything that was available about their custom and traditions; there still was a lot that she ignored. But being the passionate student of the history that she was, she hoped to be able to witness, and learn about their way of life during her trips to the Highlands, and write down everything she could about them, their history, and their traditions, a subject that until now seemed to have very little attention from historians and scribes."

Here, I initially thought it was nina's fault she didn't know. But later find out it's actually the historians' fault they didn't record!
I think maybe this can be remedied by fixing/clarifying the initial idea you put in the reader's head.

Here and there I see some odd ways of writing things, but that wouldn't stop me from continuing reading.

Your action scenes are pretty good, i like reading them. I think you write decent descriptions. I like it when you put important parts at the start and end of paragraphs.

Your description of the highlanders customs reminded me of my first experience of King of Dragon Pass because the lore and culture in that game was crazy in depth. This is good.

Don't think i didn't notice Verkan's skyrim reference. lol

I can tell a lot of thought and love was put into the making of this story. The characters are caring and good. There is definitely good spirit and heart in the work.

I will add this to my hoard for later. (Technically it was already there, i just hadn't gotten to it yet until now.)

Continue the good work and continue to improve your writing!

Overall, my rating for your story is: Treasure
Good dragon, I approve, splendid job.

I pray that no corrupt speech be found in you and that your writing uplifts others. May you be in the good hands of the Lord and learn the truth that is Jesus Christ. Amen.

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[Rockingashe]

I have a new novel Can you please tell me what you think? Thank you in advance! https://www.scribblehub.com/series/776522/tales-of-the-endless-darkness/

 

[Deleted member 113259]

I have a new novel Can you please tell me what you think? Thank you in advance! https://www.scribblehub.com/series/776522/tales-of-the-endless-darkness/

I already told you what I think. No vampires so it's good

 

[Rockingashe]

I already told you what I think. No vampires so it's good

You're going to torment me forever about it aren't you

 

[Deleted member 113259]

You're going to torment me forever about it aren't you

My apologies, I was simply on the wrong account. Think nothing of it.