Controversial Summary Feedback [CLOSED]

[A-Thousand-ideas]

Title: A new Era marches

Summary: The novel takes place in a very late renaissance era, on the brink of a world war (The story have not developed far enuf to know its on the brink of war.)

Synopsis:
A seventeen year old reincarnates as a third prince without any of the princes memory.
A small amount of shenanigans happen, He pretended he was still in a coma,
His father the Emperor reveals he is not asleep
Then he gets knocked out by a magician named Gorand as he preformed the spell to get his memory's back

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

@Prince_Azmiran_Myrian New rating just dropped.

Haha! You cut me deep with your knife of truth!

 

[Deleted member 113259]

Title: A new Era marches

Summary: The novel takes place in a very late renaissance era, on the brink of a world war (The story have not developed far enuf to know its on the brink of war.)

Synopsis:
A seventeen year old reincarnates as a third prince without any of the princes memory.
A small amount of shenanigans happen, He pretended he was still in a coma,
His father the Emperor reveals he is not asleep
Then he gets knocked out by a magician named Gorand as he preformed the spell to get his memory's back

Just based on what you posted here, very obvious fix. Elaborate.
What was his life like before?
What were his confidant's reactions?
How does his father reveal it?
Does he get his memories back?
Don't answer all of the questions because it's too much set up for a little more than background detail but answer a couple of them.

Second fix:
If this war is looming in the background, put more emphasis on that.

Rank: Empty. I doubt this is what you actually posted on your page though.

 

[mcarrowen]

Oh, we are so back. Didn't see this notification because it was buried under like 30 other notifications.

First problem. You introduce the world and the character too many times, so it doesn't flow and takes the reader out of your world.






At the very least the last two introduced a specific location and time. Introduce your world, location, and time in the same sentence, and spend the rest of the summary setting up the story. e.g. In the world of Afterlife we have made it our mission to reach the unreachable tower. It is now the year of Solaris 418, and...
Or you can put her current location and year at the end of the summary but they should still only be mentioned once.


The next issue is this annoying censorship.


You don't censor in the actual story so don't censor here. First of all censorship is annoying so it turns most people off, second of all it's deceptive because your actual story doesn't do it.

Your next problem is overexplaining your protagonist without making it clear what any of that means.

What impact does HEXYL Corp have on the world you're writing?
Explain what Beers&Beserkers and the ops team actually are.
Explain the difference between the two aliases and how they're treated. The name hellraider doesn't give off a different vibe to Granny Gunner's infamy so you need to clarify their different behaviors. E.g. mild-mannered Peter Parker, vs the spectacular spider-man. (The mild-mannered part is necessary.)

Last advice: Try to follow a basic story format when writing a summary.
Start with the initial setup - Her background. -The details of that world.

In the middle link the setup to the start of the story. -Her Aspirations. -Her initial reactions.

In the end, place the relevant information at the start of the story - Current year. - How much progress she made in her goal. - How she's currently treated.



Rating: Stroke-inducing
Make your summary easier to comprehend. It's not so bad that it's impossible to understand, but the point of a summary is for the average reader to quickly get an idea of your work.

@ControversialOpinion Hey, thanks for the feedback. I'll review my summary, take into consideration your feedback, and rewrite it. I'm glad I asked for feedback. Writing is a solo endeavor so I tend to have a tunnel vision. Everything looks good in my opinion until someone else pointed out an eyesore.

On censorship...
I prefer swearing uncensored. Censored word lessens the the impact and intent; with exception to racial discriminating words of course. I have this novel idea and the censored title sck: The Death Of A F*ckboi

See what I mean? The title looks funny!

 

[Deleted member 113259]

On censorship...
I prefer swearing uncensored. Censored word lessens the the impact and intent; with exception to racial discriminating words of course. I have this novel idea and the censored title sck: The Death Of A F*ckboi

See what I mean? The title looks funny!

Exactly why I pointed it out. Censored swears are an eyesore.

 

[Horrible-Void]

Siblings Chris and Liah Mitchells already rocky relationship is put to the test when they, and their loved ones, get tangled up in a strange series of murders on a drive home one night. What follows is a ordeal that sends one of them into a spiral of madness, suicidal tendencies and drug abuse. While the other forms a partnership with a suspicious cop who always seems to be around the corner. Can they solve the murders, confront their trauma's and repair their relationship?

Missing Hearts

Siblings Chris and Liah Mitchells already rocky relationship is put to the test when they, and their loved ones, get tangled up in a strange series of murders on a drive home one night. The following ordeal that sends one of them into a spiral of madness, drug abuse and...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[MuseWeaver]

Here is the backcover, would appreciate critique and advice:

A muse is the extension of a maven, the embodiment of one's ambition. At least that is what the necromancers of the Feather clan would have everyone believe...

Aspect, Legna, Loa, Muse; they go by many names and have many uses. The Lion clan prefers a more honest classification... Slave.

An argument that threatens to plunge two of the biggest clans to war. With the only hope to end it quickly killed at his apex. The liberation war begins, good people are certain to lose their lives.

Newly minted as an enjinseer, Lotef Jyoto works to keep the enjins running. With them the Lion clan can keep up with the Feather clan's undead. Lotef just hopes she won't screw everything up horribly.

 

[ElasticDotLine]

Hi! Here is my novel and summary:

Title : Eccentric Fate [A Cultivation Progression Story] | Scribble Hub

Summary :

Long ago, a battle to decide the ruler of the universe was fought. From the remains of that battle rose the Defiers, and the almighty thief, The Heavens. Blood continues to shed as both sides wage wars, waiting for the true ruler to appear.

When an ancient cultivator fuses Earth with another planet, Louie finds himself surrounded by dangers that threaten him and his loved ones. One of those dangers is the Bloodthorne Sect, who indoctrinate Louie's neighbourhood and cast him into a desolate land called The Pit. Can Louie save everyone after becoming a mighty violet earth warrior? Or, will he die to the Bloodthorne Sect's bramble beasts on his defiant path to power? Read on as Louie cuddles skeletons, contemplates the Dao of the Earth, and fights off dangerous enemies in a fused cultivation world.