Corty's Feedback Corner (Kinda... Read the first post!) --- Closed until further notice.

[Corty]

There are tons of feedback threads for first chapters, coherency, grammar, whatever. Why is this different? Well.... I will give you feedback not on your chapter(s) but on the following points:

• Cover
• Title
• Synopsis
• Tags
• Chapter titles

Wait... how are you going to give feedback on tags if you don't read it? Here is the neat part! I will know if you didn't bother to add tags without reading your story.

My feedback will be totally SUBJECTIVE and will be like this:

• Just redo it... (This won't bring in readers. This is bad.)
• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)
• To the reading list, it goes! (Very interesting!)

Does this mean your story is bad or good? Dunno. Post it in the others' threads to find out. I am here to give you honest feedback and first impression of your front page. To tell you if it is eye-catching or not.

I am here to judge the book by its cover!

Please @ me with your message to be sure I got a notification of your request.

EDIT:

I only do ScribbleHub works. Any other links will be ignored from now on.

 

[Lorelliad]

A Walker’s Guide To Antoria

Much to the gaming world's disappointment, Nael 'Demon' Walker, regarded by many as the best youth professional, announced his retirement from eSports. From a young age, he had consistently dominated major tournaments of many games. But it seemed like that era had begun to pass. Nael's reason...

www.scribblehub.com

Judge me, pls

 

[Corty]

A Walker’s Guide To Antoria

Much to the gaming world's disappointment, Nael 'Demon' Walker, regarded by many as the best youth professional, announced his retirement from eSports. From a young age, he had consistently dominated major tournaments of many games. But it seemed like that era had begun to pass. Nael's reason...

www.scribblehub.com

Judge me, pls

• Cover

It's nice but I had problem deciding if she is facing forward and looking to the left or if she is looking back at me over her shoulder. I'll be honest, I still don't know. If I see it on the front page I would skim over it as it looks to me like a generic AI image without editing (aka no title, effects added to it, etc.)

• Title

It's fine. Good even. I like it and it made me curious what Antoria is. I like new words and made up names.

• Synopsis

Oh boy. I felt like I read similar ones a million times already.

BUT

Then you drop the last part. Now that is interesting. I won't lie, I like me sum simple face-slapping and it is a good premise for it. So the last part of the synopsis made me interested. That last part really saved the synopsis.

• Tags

Nice and tidy. My only question is the missing LitRPG genre is intentional or not? As it is a VRMMO I guessed it would have skills and stuff. But if not, all good, I'm not complaining.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

 

[Raymann]

They laugh when Villainess dies

-They laugh when (the) villainess dies- After collapsing while engrossed in a reading binge, a teenage girl wakes up to find herself sharing the body of the villainess from a famous web novel. Determined to rewrite fate, our MC must navigate the treacherous path of avoiding conflict with an...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Lorelliad]

Nice and tidy. My only question is the missing LitRPG genre is intentional or not? As it is a VRMMO I guessed it would have skills and stuff. But if not, all good, I'm not complaining.

Oh, that's very intentional.

 

[Corty]

View attachment 22518

They laugh when Villainess dies

-They laugh when (the) villainess dies- After collapsing while engrossed in a reading binge, a teenage girl wakes up to find herself sharing the body of the villainess from a famous web novel. Determined to rewrite fate, our MC must navigate the treacherous path of avoiding conflict with an...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

It's nice but it gets a bit squashed. You should resize it to the required dimensions before submitting and edit it so it remains fine. Aspect ratio is important to look aesthetically pleasing to the eye so it catches more attention. But it isn't a major problem as it is only minimally true here.

• Title

I guess the "Villainess" here is her name? Because in my head I always add a "the" before it. Still, its okay.

• Synopsis

I feel the synopsis is in disharmony with the title. The fact that the word "Villainess" is outlined in the title but in the synopses you called the MC a heroine, I was confused. So is she reincarnated as the story's heroine or the story's villain? Are you calling her the heroine because she is the story's MC but still in the role of a villain? Especially that you also mention she has to avoid the heroine of that said story in her new body, but then the next line is talking about a regressing heroine... I'm lost...

This synopsis needs a complete rework imo. It is confusing.

• Tags

All fine in this department.

Final thoughts:

• Bland. Nothing looked interesting.
  • In this case it is more like, the synopsis confused me. If you can rewrite it to make sense it would be an interesting premise for a "reborn as a villain" story where our MC don't want to die to the hero.

 

[Corty]

@Raymann It was confusing, if you can make it clearer it would be in the green.

 

[Raymann]

Re-writes were made.

Synopsis
After collapsing while engrossed in a reading binge, a teenage girl finds herself in the body of a character from a famous web novel.
Determined to rewrite her the character's fate, she must navigate the treacherous path of avoiding conflict with an overpowered heroine and her support crew. Things might not be that simple this time as the regressing heroine is a deadly missile driven by revenge, target locked on the villainess.
But with an uncanny ability of our MC that draws trouble like a magnet, can she rewrite the story?


P.s. I don't want to reveal to readers(not in synopsis) that the MC herself is the omniscient reader who is transferred into the body of a villainess against a time-regressing heroine. Or else they might skip read the starting chapters (which took lots of rewrites/effort.
Honestly, I want to tell the story starting from that note. So, cannot even yeet those chapters. Guilty as charged.)

 

[Rhaps]

Here is mine

Infinity in the Void – Freedom in the Abyss

A girl woke up in a white room, with no memory of who she is. Yet she knew deep inside her held a power unlike anyone, represents by the markings, the tattoos of the Eight Pointed Star, given to her by an unknown force. With her power, endless possibilities was...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Kamelingil]

LEGENDARY: The Omnipotence

(This novel is currently under rewrite) Infinite stories unfolds as the creation of the Fiction Verse and evolves into something revolutionary. This series is an All-in-one Genre, everything can happen, even the things you've dreamed of, even the stories that never existed before, it will...

www.scribblehub.com

Don't mind the synopsis, the mc wrote that

 

[Corty]

Re-writes were made.

Synopsis
After collapsing while engrossed in a reading binge, a teenage girl finds herself in the body of a character from a famous web novel.
Determined to rewrite her the character's fate, she must navigate the treacherous path of avoiding conflict with an overpowered heroine and her support crew. Things might not be that simple this time as the regressing heroine is a deadly missile driven by revenge, target locked on the villainess.
But with an uncanny ability of our MC that draws trouble like a magnet, can she rewrite the story?


P.s. I don't want to reveal to readers(not in synopsis) that the MC herself is the omniscient reader who is transferred into the body of a villainess against a time-regressing heroine. Or else they might skip read the starting chapters (which took lots of rewrites/effort.
Honestly, I want to tell the story starting from that note. So, cannot even yet those chapters. Guilty as charged.)

It does read better now.

Here is mine

Infinity in the Void – Freedom in the Abyss

A girl woke up in a white room, with no memory of who she is. Yet she knew deep inside her held a power unlike anyone, represents by the markings, the tattoos of the Eight Pointed Star, given to her by an unknown force. With her power, endless possibilities was...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

Nice. I like it. No distortion, readable title.

• Title

Nice. Again, I like titles like this, where it functions as its name, a title. Something that gives a starting feeling for the story, what to expect and doesn't spoon-feed me what the story is about.

• Synopsis

Short but also on point. It sets up the story and tells the reader if you want to know more, read it. It already makes me question what is the "Eight Pointed Star" but to learn it I would need to read the story. So nice again.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

In order and fine. I expected a little more tags but it is all good.

• Chapter Titles

I would number them. For multiple reason: It is easer to find a chapter and also many readers start a book when it has ample chapters. If they look down and see it is at "chapter 70" or something, they may pick it up to binge it.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

LEGENDARY: The Omnipotence

(This novel is currently under rewrite) Infinite stories unfolds as the creation of the Fiction Verse and evolves into something revolutionary. This series is an All-in-one Genre, everything can happen, even the things you've dreamed of, even the stories that never existed before, it will...

www.scribblehub.com

Don't mind the synopsis, the mc wrote that

• Cover

Nice. My only gripe is that the green-coloured part of the title is hard to read on the cover.

• Title

Nice. Again, I like titles like this, where it functions as its name, a title.

• Synopsis

It paints an interesting story but you need to break it up. Make it multiple sentences as it is WAY too long to be one, continuous sentence. Also some words get repeated and it is too glaring. Like: "it was a blue mythical spirit resembling a blue little flame" one blue is enough, be it either a "blue mythical spirit" or a "blue little flame," we don't need both to be described as blue. It needs a little rework but not much.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

In order and fine.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

 

[Zinless]

Since this doesn't involve the contents of the chapter, I'll ask for your feedback here!

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Corty]

Since this doesn't involve the contents of the chapter, I'll ask for your feedback here!

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

Like it. The added title is hard to read with those color choices but I get it, being small in size it is what we all deal with here.

• Title

It already tells me what to expect. Straight to the point. Nice.

• Synopsis

Tackles the story's unique premise that the MC has two bodies. Which is nice. I don't mind the cliche mention of bandits, evil organisations, etc. and it also made me curious what does romance entail. Does it mean falling in love with different people or with him/herself? It also raised questions right after in me... Does the MC knowingly living two lives at once? Being conscious of his/her other self or not? So many questions and for some people the premise itself could feel confusing as we can't imagine how would it feel to live two lives at the same time. So it is good because people who want to know, will pick it up and those who would be easily confused and complain, won't bother.

• Tags

In order and fine.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

 

[KersenBloemNL]

Aura: The soul’s true nature

Auras. The embodiment of one’s soul. A power that can only be used by a certain few with an iron will. They grant the user an unique ability that personifies what they are. Some use it for good, others use it for their own gain. Ymeno, a 25 year old...

www.scribblehub.com

I’m kinda curious now

 

[Corty]

Aura: The soul’s true nature

Auras. The embodiment of one’s soul. A power that can only be used by a certain few with an iron will. They grant the user an unique ability that personifies what they are. Some use it for good, others use it for their own gain. Ymeno, a 25 year old...

www.scribblehub.com

I’m kinda curious now

• Cover

Nice, clean, and easily readable in small size too. Well designed!

• Title

On point and tells me the core theme, in sync with the cover.

• Synopsis

The synopsis introduces the main cast and the MCs background, giving us a clear picture of where we are at the start and what to expect. I like its simplicity and get an idea what kind of characters we should expect when going in the story. I would only change the last part where the "domino effect" phrase appears twice in a row. One of its mention should be changed in my opinion or rephrased as it repeats too quickly after the first mention. Other than this, it's nice.

• Tags

In order and fine although three main genres feels a bit few but that is a personal opinion. The tags also tell a little bit about what to expect and that it isn't just sunshine and rainbows.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

 

[KersenBloemNL]

Snip

I changed the second domino effect to “one that will..” and then the rest of the text. Thank you!!

 

[Kamelingil]

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

Thank You

And about the synopsis, I copy-pasted it from the chapter 1...

 

[HelloHound]

For Want of A House

Waking up is always a difficult part of anyone's day- it's even worse if you wake up inside some squalid room to spit out mysterious black cubes in a land you are not familiar with. Now imagine what Sybil's going through. Watch this short and tempered child grow, seeking a...

www.scribblehub.com

hi corty how's it hanging

 

[Corty]

For Want of A House

Waking up is always a difficult part of anyone's day- it's even worse if you wake up inside some squalid room to spit out mysterious black cubes in a land you are not familiar with. Now imagine what Sybil's going through. Watch this short and tempered child grow, seeking a...

www.scribblehub.com

hi corty how's it hanging

• Cover

Clean and well readable, a bit dark in contrast so when it is small, like being on the front page, it is hard to see well, but that is only a minor problem.

• Title

I am not qualified to comment on the title I think, it escapes me. Probably because of a lack of English knowledge on my part. It feels weird to me but I have a feeling it is because of how I learned English.

• Synopsis

Short and tells the basic intro of the story. I'd like to know more before getting into the story. I get that the first sentence is telling us how the MC gets to the new world but I'd like a little more meat to it. But, then again, it makes me curious so I think it did its job and got in the initial hook.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

All fine, only the main genres being 3 only look a bit short but that is, once again, maybe something personal. I wouldn't fault any novel for that.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

 

[HelloHound]

• Title

I am not qualified to comment on the title I think, it escapes me. Probably because of a lack of English knowledge on my part. It feels weird to me but I have a feeling it is because of how I learned English

(in case you're curious)
For want: because of not having (something) / to feel a need or desire for; wish for

Sybil's main, overarching issue is that she wants a place to belong and feel comfortable, like a home
For want of a house essentially says what she's lacking and what she desires most out of life

btw thank you for your thoughts on my story!