Dummy writer in need of feedback! Before writers block drowns me lol

Para23

Para23

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Heyyy, if anyone is available to give some constructive criticism or leave a review on my book that'd be great! Before I drown in the seas of writers block lol. I'm honestly loosing motivation by the minute (cuz of school), maybe even criticism can bring it back? Possibly?

Anyways, my story is a transmigration(Not really) Fantasy/ horror mix kind of thing focussing on Japanese mythology as well as mafia like corruption in the post apocalyptic pre transmigration world. Maybe you'll like it? Maybe you won't. Tell me either way! I need the feedback, no matter how harsh it is!
E0D4C3F8-3883-4702-BECF-DBA8AD184866.png

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/744621/fates-redacted/
 
greyblob

greyblob

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got no strong emotions about this. you have 2 chapters. that's nowhere near enough to offer any reasonable feedback.

nonetheless, this reads like a typical shounen webnovel. overall writing is decent. dialogue is alright. characters are what I'd expect from this type of writing. biggest criticism I have is a few sentences are unnecessarily complex and very hard to read.

I mumbled to myself, staring out at the traffic that stood at a standstill just below the rusted scarlet steel, of an extension bridge along which our train coiled its way towards the heart of the city.
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The light dimmed as it entered into the transparent subway tunnel, taking on a blue hue as the scattered shadows of fish danced along the ceiling; but the first thing I noticed wasn't that.
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this should be easily fixed with some editing. there's also some small editing mistakes. for example, you also tend to use "as" as a crutch. read what you write and compare every paragraph with each other -- you'll spot these easily. they aren't really that important unless you're going for a very clean polish (which is not needed for SH).

in conclusion, your writing is above average for webnovels of similar style. however, you have not posted a chapter in two weeks. if you adopt a schedule, you'll get a good bunch of readers
 
Para23

Para23

Active member
Joined
Jan 31, 2023
Messages
50
Points
33
greyblob said:
got no strong emotions about this. you have 2 chapters. that's nowhere near enough to offer any reasonable feedback.

nonetheless, this reads like a typical shounen webnovel. overall writing is decent. dialogue is alright. characters are what I'd expect from this type of writing. biggest criticism I have is a few sentences are unnecessarily complex and very hard to read.



this should be easily fixed with some editing. there's also some small editing mistakes. for example, you also tend to use "as" as a crutch. read what you write and compare every paragraph with each other -- you'll spot these easily. they aren't really that important unless you're going for a very clean polish (which is not needed for SH).

in conclusion, your writing is above average for webnovels of similar style. however, you have not posted a chapter in two weeks. if you adopt a schedule, you'll get a good bunch of readers
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Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate you taking the time to do this! I agree with most of your points, and will take a look at it again to see what I can polish up! I really do need to work on a proper writing schedule tho lol. I'm just trying not to fail math rn.
RepresentingEnvy said:
Have you tried posting it in Story_Marc's thread?
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No, but maybe I'll give it a try? Thanks for the tip!
 
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