feed back please.

[infinity500]

i have written a story and im in need of some feed back all comments and corrections are welcome. It is called fix you . feel free to read it thanks.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

New writer, please refer to @WelcomeToSH.

I suggest posting your actual story link in both this feedback thread and your scribblehub profile page so forum users don't have to spend time googling to find your story.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

New writer, please refer to @WelcomeToSH.

I suggest posting your actual story link in both this feedback thread and your scribblehub profile page so forum users don't have to spend time googling to find your story.

I learned we lazy here!

 

[Snusmumriken]

I learned we lazy here!

It is more about give and take. When one is asking another to do some work for them - one should be expected to at least try meeting halfway.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

It is more about give and take. When one is asking another to do some work for them - one should be expected to at least try meeting halfway.

I meant no disrespect when I said that; it was a little joke I was throwing at Chaddicus from my first post asking for feedback.

 

[b1ah]

Just for reference, here is the link: FIX YOU | Scribble Hub

You may want to work on formatting, punctuation and grammar. An example would be spelling "didn't" as "did'nt". Also, there are multiple occasions where there is a space before a comma, etc. You will also want to see how a reader views a chapter. In the current state, it does not look 'pretty'. Something you can experiment with is whitespace which makes the text feel more open and readable. You can also try a tool like Grammarly to ensure that the overlooked mistakes can be seen.

In terms of how the story is written. The first chapter feels like I've started halfway, moreover, it is a little too short. However, this may just be the style you've chosen so you can ignore my comments there.

 

[KoyukiMegumi]

I agree with B1ah's points. The structure is super messy and needs clean-up. As well as too short... but that is my preference.

You can also use ProWritingAid.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

I meant no disrespect when I said that; it was a little joke I was throwing at Chaddicus from my first post asking for feedback.

Its all good. I'm lazy too. I don't like googling that person's username to find their story cause then I have to make sure its the right link and not another platform and if it is that actual user. haha. XD

 

[infinity500]

Its all good. I'm lazy too. I don't like googling that person's username to find their story cause then I have to make sure its the right link and not another platform and if it is that actual user. haha. XD

thank you for your comment.

Its all good. I'm lazy too. I don't like googling that person's username to find their story cause then I have to make sure its the right link and not another platform and if it is that actual user. haha. XD

thank you for your comment

I agree with B1ah's points. The structure is super messy and needs clean-up. As well as too short... but that is my preference.

You can also use ProWritingAid.

thank you for your comment and for reading

Just for reference, here is the link: FIX YOU | Scribble Hub

You may want to work on formatting, punctuation and grammar. An example would be spelling "didn't" as "did'nt". Also, there are multiple occasions where there is a space before a comma, etc. You will also want to see how a reader views a chapter. In the current state, it does not look 'pretty'. Something you can experiment with is whitespace which makes the text feel more open and readable. You can also try a tool like Grammarly to ensure that the overlooked mistakes can be seen.

In terms of how the story is written. The first chapter feels like I've started halfway, moreover, it is a little too short. However, this may just be the style you've chosen so you can ignore my comments there.

thank you for reading and for comment, now i can do better .