Feedback on a quote.

[EngineGear]

As the title suggests, I need some feedback from this quote.

Beastkin, Kemonomimi, Faunus, whatever you want to call them. Out of all the demihumans, the Quimera got the second shortest end of the string, next to Half-Drows, and I mean they get assaulted, bullied, and mocked by everyone just for existing. Quick side note: Unless you want to get a 1000-pound bitch slap or a Mikey 3000 roundhouse kick to oblivion, DO NOT insist they have heat cycles in front of them. Just. DON'T. It's an offensive stereotype that racist assholes would come up with, so not only are you gonna feel real insensitive, you gonna feel down bad stupid. The next thing you're gonna feel is the floor as your face makes contact. Trust me, I speak from experience.

It's from a worldbuilding codex I wish to write in the future.

 

[Lorelliad]

Almost like it's talking to us directly

 

[greyblob]

Beastkin, Kemonomimi, Faunus, whatever you want to call them. Out of all the demihumans, the Quimera got the second shortest end of the string, next to Half-Drows. I mean They get assaulted, bullied, and mocked by everyone just for existing. Quick side note: DO NOT insist they have heat cycles in front of them. Just. DON'T. Unless you want to get a 1000-pound bitch slap or a Mikey 3000 roundhouse kick to oblivion, It's an offensive stereotype that racist assholes would come up with use, so not only are you gonna feel real insensitive, you gonna feel down bad stupid. The next thing you're gonna feel is the floor as your face makes contact. Trust me, I speak from experience.

removed unnecessary/meaningless text and switched some sentences around. might need to rewrite last sentence to fit now.

Beastkin, Kemonomimi, Faunus, whatever you want to call them. Out of all the demihumans, the Quimera got the second shortest end of the string, next to Half-Drows. They get assaulted, bullied, and mocked by everyone just for existing. Quick side note: DO NOT insist they have heat cycles in front of them. Just. DON'T. Unless you want to get a 1000-pound bitch slap or a Mikey 3000 roundhouse kick to oblivion, It's an offensive stereotype that racist assholes would use. And the next thing you're gonna feel is the floor as your face makes contact. Trust me, I speak from experience.

 

[Cipiteca396]

Unless this is set on modern Earth, and from the perspective of someone who watches anime too much, you should drop the Kemonomimi and the Faunus. Use the word your story refers to them by exclusively or the language you write in.
Outside RWBY, Faunus refers to a Roman God, so it's not the same.
There's no reason to use the other one unless you want to emphasize the weebiness. Even worse if Japan doesn't exist in the story world.

The 'Half-Drow' thing seems troublesome as well, but it's annoying to try and figure out why.

The rest is kinda frivolous, but if that's how you wanna define your character, go for it.

 

[EngineGear]

Unless this is set on modern Earth, and from the perspective of someone who watches anime too much, you should drop the Kemonomimi and the Faunus. Use the word your story refers to them by exclusively or the language you write in.

The setting is sci-fi with fantasy elements.

Outside RWBY, Faunus refers to a Roman God, so it's not the same.

I know, it's a nod to RWBY.

There's no reason to use the other one unless you want to emphasize the weebiness. Even worse if Japan doesn't exist in the story world.

I have an equivalent to Japan.

removed unnecessary/meaningless text and switched some sentences around. might need to rewrite last sentence to fit now.

Thanks for the feedback.