Feedback Wanted!

[Suckah4U]

Title : Rings of Vexa'ahia - Book 1
Genre : Isekai, Fantasy (Elemental magic, European-Style Kingdoms), Mature (And possible LitRPG)
Content Warnings : Gore, Sexual Content, Strong Language (18+ STRICTLY)
Possible Tropes Inclusion : Weak-to-Strong MC, War Arc, Comedic timing, Fantasy Racism, etc.

So this is your run-of-the-mill fantasy world transmigration, currently on pause while I try and sort out to what extent do I want to take this work to.
MC starts as part of a family, having merged/muddled memories of the past. After that... anything goes.

I guess I just want someone to talk to me about it, maybe other works that I could read to gain a better understanding of what I am going for, maybe critiques here and there of things I do and so on (I also accept simple compliments if that's coming to your mind). I've written ten chapters of this and now, I'm at a bit of a strong block, uncertain on how to continue.

I highly recommend reading it directly instead of hearing about it from me.
Thanks in advance!


P.s. Link for those who didn't get it

 

[Graced_Villain]

Just read your first chapter!

Ratings
Setting Descriptions : 4 / 5
Characters : 4 / 5
Character Descriptions : 3 / 5
Dialogue : 4 / 5
Flow : 4 / 5

Overall : 3.8 / 5

Review :
I like the contrast being created between the Main Character and his environment. It's very telling and by the close of the chapter, it sets up the decision being taken by our main character. Conveys the crushing loneliness all too well.

The storm is a good backdrop and it functions as a nice element too, keeping the MC connected to the rest of the environment. The telephone booth is what I feel, a "something" that ends up finally separating the MC from the environment playing part in his decision to hurl himself off the dock.

The dialogue (monologue by technicality) between MC and TB (Telephone Booth) was well framed, could do with a little bit more action but as is, it is good.

It did hook me but there is possibly some way to tie in the environment descriptors more cohesively. Maybe there isn't a need, seeing as the narrative experience shifts focus and stays with the MC from somewhere in the middle to the end and I'm a sucker for details so it just worked for me.

While there isn't much mention of key details of the MC and others, the portrayal should be sufficient. Then again, this is a subjective view so I guess yeah, I'd have liked a bit more feature-centric description for him. My only gripe. Besides that, the other characters given their positions, sufficient description I feel.

Mention of a short spoiler-ish dialogue piece from the last of the chapter

Spoiler: Dialogue Piece

“I’m gonna go now, I will not kill myself for now. I need to rest, this rain is… a lot. Take care not to slip and be safe, if you’re going to head outside.”

This. This is what made me want to read more. I can't elaborate much on it but something about this resonated with me. And so, I am going to read more.

 

[Lloyd]

First sentence sucked ass and I stopped reading.

 

[Suckah4U]

Just read your first chapter!

Ratings
Setting Descriptions : 4 / 5
Characters : 4 / 5
Character Descriptions : 3 / 5
Dialogue : 4 / 5
Flow : 4 / 5

Overall : 3.8 / 5

Review :
I like the contrast being created between the Main Character and his environment. It's very telling and by the close of the chapter, it sets up the decision being taken by our main character. Conveys the crushing loneliness all too well.

The storm is a good backdrop and it functions as a nice element too, keeping the MC connected to the rest of the environment. The telephone booth is what I feel, a "something" that ends up finally separating the MC from the environment playing part in his decision to hurl himself off the dock.

The dialogue (monologue by technicality) between MC and TB (Telephone Booth) was well framed, could do with a little bit more action but as is, it is good.

It did hook me but there is possibly some way to tie in the environment descriptors more cohesively. Maybe there isn't a need, seeing as the narrative experience shifts focus and stays with the MC from somewhere in the middle to the end and I'm a sucker for details so it just worked for me.

While there isn't much mention of key details of the MC and others, the portrayal should be sufficient. Then again, this is a subjective view so I guess yeah, I'd have liked a bit more feature-centric description for him. My only gripe. Besides that, the other characters given their positions, sufficient description I feel.

Mention of a short spoiler-ish dialogue piece from the last of the chapter

Spoiler: Dialogue Piece

“I’m gonna go now, I will not kill myself for now. I need to rest, this rain is… a lot. Take care not to slip and be safe, if you’re going to head outside.”

This. This is what made me want to read more. I can't elaborate much on it but something about this resonated with me. And so, I am going to read more.

Thank you for the view, I'll see what I can do about it.

First sentence sucked ass and I stopped reading.

You are correct, it does suck ass. Thank you for the feedback, I'll deal with it soon!