For harem writers, how do you decide which girls actually get into a relationship with the MC?

[ForestDweller]

Assuming, of course, you have girls that have a crush on him but not ending up in a relationship with him.

 

[Cipiteca396]

A relationship is a connection between two people. Doesn't need to be romantic or sexual... So technically every character who meets the MC gets in a relationship with them. Whether it goes further is up to the characters.

Funnily enough, my only stories where characters sorta get forced together are the monogamous ones, since I wrote them to be in a relationship from the start. All of the polyamorous ones just build themselves up over time.

 

[LilRora]

Am not a harem writer, but when I think about relationships (in general, not only in romantic sense), the first thing I consider is their personalities and what their dynamic would be. There are sometimes cases when the personalities are simply incompatible, and then you need to come up with some creative ways to make their dynamic readable. Sometimes it's more effort than it's worth it and it often ends up convoluted and unrealistic, and in that case it's often better to just not. Make them acquaintances or coworkers or something and there will be no problems.

 

[Sebas_Guzman]

I write harem and make money doing it.

A lot of times, I just know which ones are going to end up with him before writing. A lot of times, the girls have a different dynamic so that they have a set of behaviors that can be pretty quickly associated to them. In that sense, I don't put girls with similar traits in the same harem.

Other times, some girls are just so cool that I have to involve them in the main group. If fans really like her, then even better.

I have seven harem series right now. I have a few characters with crushes, I guess. Whether or not they end up with the MC really depends on if the MC likes them. The MC might be a harem protagonist, but he doesn't have an obligation to every pretty girl he meets. A harem MC can have preferences too.

If a romantic relationship is going to be stale and offer nothing new, it's not really worth writing it.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

Assuming, of course, you have girls that have a crush on him but not ending up in a relationship with him.

Part of always reminding my readers that the world he fell into isn't Earth are his relationships with some of the ladies he gets to meet, which is part of that place's culture. Yep, I'm going for the poly end.

 

[ShipTeaser]

Well, I know the definitely, as they have thier own roles to play.

For the others? If it develops that way they do in, if not then they stay out *smile*

 

[ForestDweller]

View attachment 20715

Part of always reminding my readers that the world he fell into isn't Earth are his relationships with some of the ladies he gets to meet, which is part of that place's culture. Yep, I'm going for the poly end.

Same. MC can do a lot of good by marrying multiple girls.

A lot of times, I just know which ones are going to end up with him before writing. A lot of times, the girls have a different dynamic so that they have a set of behaviors that can be pretty quickly associated to them. In that sense, I don't put girls with similar traits in the same harem.

So far the girls in my harem are:
1. Slightly possessive tomboy and childhood friend
2. Flirtatious older woman whose fiercely devoted to him
Canditates for more are:
1. Lonely older woman who badly wants to marry. Has a crush on MC's father and that crush now transfers to him.
2. A haughty princess who views MC as the only man worthy of her
3. A shy and sheltered dragoness who has been lonely for a thousand years and was created to be MC's wife
4. An innocent and naive adventurer with an abusive family that secretly wishes for a warm one
5. A tsundere adventurer who wishes she's strong enough to be by MC's side
6. His brocon older sister
Girls that won't be in the harem
1. Noble adventurer who thinks the MC is her knight in shining armor
2. His dumb fairy familiar
3. His kuudere fairy familiar
4. His genius little sister who hates his guts

As you can see, I can't feasibly take in everyone.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

Same. MC can do a lot of good by marrying multiple girls.

Well, as for my case, I don't really intend to have him marry everyone because of readers.

If anything, I'd like to do it coz it's what I want to write, harem-haters be damned. Lol

 

[Cipiteca396]

Spoiler: Candidates

1. Lonely older woman who badly wants to marry. Has a crush on MC's father and that crush now transfers to him.

This one needs a 'redo'. Either a youth elixir or a regression. She isn't interested in 'who' she's with, and she either needs to become comfortable with the idea that she doesn't need to get married, or find a better reason to marry than whatever is motivating her currently (I assume peer pressure/ culture).

2. A haughty princess who views MC as the only man worthy of her

Needs a reality check. Introduce her to a snotty peasant who keeps knocking her off her feet (thus proving MC isn't the only worthy person in the world). Preferably a girl so she won't realize it's a contestant for her affection until she falls too far in love to back off.

3. A shy and sheltered dragoness who has been lonely for a thousand years and was created to be MC's wife

This one will probably fall in love with the first person who sneezes at her. I don't like the created to be together angle, but it makes it harder for her to escape. She's the first viable candidate.

4. An innocent and naive adventurer with an abusive family that secretly wishes for a warm one

This one is viable, but not as a romantic partner. She can be an adopted daughter or sister.

5. A tsundere adventurer who wishes she's strong enough to be by MC's side

This one also needs a snotty peasant. But one that makes her realize that 'being worthy' isn't important. Could go either way, really. Either she gets pushed towards MC or realizes that the third party cares about her more and leaves.

6. His brocon older sister

Unless she falls in love with the other members of the harem, I'd hope she could leave to find personal happiness once MC finds happiness, as a sort of 'Ah, job done, now I can do my thing.'

Well, that's just a quick and dirty analysis. There's plenty of other opportunities here.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

Oh btw, speaking of harem members, I base them on the culture of their race. So, for example, my humans marry up to five partners, hence my MC has:

1). The Human Saint who summoned him,
2). Her head maid,
3). The richest maid/nobility of the Saint's household,
4). A queen that was the former head chef of the human saint,
5). The captain of her guards.

For my beastfolk, their culture aren't keen on human marriage, relying on their animalistic instincts instead. So, among the beastmen, my MC's got:
1). The Beastman Saint,
2). The Queen of the Beastmen Kingdom,
3). The governor of the Bird people (called Avinus),
4). The chief royal doctor of the kingdom,
5). The chief royal scientist,
6). The former saint-candidate that was once his enemy,
7). The governor of the Dragon peoples,
8). And a former brothel girl-turned-hotelier.

My demon race are the exact opposite of the humans, hence they view marriage as an 'oath of slavery', and prefer to practice 'free love' instead. They view everyone, including family members, as potential partners. (It's also why they earn the wrath of the gods). Any case, my MC's partnered with:

1). The demon saint,
2). The demon lord-president of the federal republic,
3). Her chamberlain,
4). The daughter of the leaders of the Goblins,
5). Her orc cousin,
6). Their werewolf (known as Tambara in my story) friend.

And currently, I'm on my 4th arc, which concerns the elves. They are monogamous so, my MC's got:

1). The Elf Saint.

That's how I keep track of my harem member characters, lol.

 

[doravg]

Well, I have written harems, but BL harems. It is not important who gets with the MC, but that every single LI has enough screen time. Remember, Folks: These are people, not a certain type of doll you can order on Alibaba.

 

[Deleted member 113259]

The good one gets with the MC. Just throw out the ones that aren't as liked. Remember these aren't people (was going to twist the doll statement but after considering what doll she meant, I don't want to).

 

[SailusGebel]

The way I decide it is simple, my preferences. Although it might change once I actually start writing, usually I try to stick to the plan.

 

[StrongArm]

Well, as for my case, I don't really intend to have him marry everyone because of readers.

If anything, I'd like to do it coz it's what I want to write, harem-haters be damned. Lol

I think the real reason most people hate harems is that 90% them are written badly. Most harem stories have a little beta male MC who has a group of 5 women around him who he never has sex with or makes any flirtation or romantic moves ever. The readers never get the satisfaction of seeing the romances fulfilled.

Also, they are mostly unrealistic. Unless the MC has some sort of magic, he usually cannot sexually keep up with that many women (unless he is a young man about 18-19). As men get older, they lose their sexual stamina over time - women however hit their sexual peak in their thirties. Women get horny just like men, and there are consequences for leaving them unsatisfied.

Another reason why harems annoy people is because they dont really follow the rules of human psychology. People can suspend their disbelief and enjoy things like magic, gods & science-fiction - but disregarding human psychology annoys people. An example: In most harems the MC is usually 15-18 year old boy who NEVER displays any horny behavior to the the group of beautiful women who literally throw themselves at him. This is bullshit of staggering proportions. 15 year old boys are THE HORNIEST creatures on this planet, unless they were castrated or gay, they would definitely make a move on these girls. I can entertain the possibility of a guy shooting fire out of his hands, but a young man not trying to have sex with beautiful women who are all over him? Never.

A harem protagonist done well, is a guy who is confident and actively flirts with his group of girls. He should be someone who could sexually satisfy a group of women.

Another reason that harems piss people off, is the female psychology that is done wrong. Women can be very territorial & possessive of men they like. They will get into fights with the other women around the MC (they will also be very catty when the mc isnt looking). If a female member of the harem is bisexual (or sexually open-minded) and participates in pleasing the other girls then these situations can be avoided. They might also get pissed off at the MC for being a man-whore.

A harem done well, is a guy who actively works things out with his girls, communicates well, & finds solutions to the conflicts that will most definitely pop up. Harems can be a wealth of story-telling and drama if they are done correctly.

At the end of the day, harems are usually like any other relationship - you get what you put in. But most harem protagonists put in no work whatsoever. Their women usually fall right in their lap. This is a deus-ex-machina in human form. Its like a story where the mc has to fight an evil dragon and a +2 sword of dragon slaying immediately falls out of the sky - there's no suspense, no tension, no feeling of accomplishment.
Its boring.

(got a little wordy there, but i have read so many bad harems that ive developed a complex. I actually like harems, and really enjoy when they are done well.)

 

[TotallyHuman]

My most successful story here was something adjacent to harem - a bunch of yanderes competing for a questionably legal loli - and I went by the rule of "whoever has a fist big enough can participate"

 

[Succubiome]

My impression has always been that harem tag is basically for wish-fulfillment rather than realism, which, along with it being heavily gendered, is why I don't use it, despite one of my novels taking place in a secondary character's harem and that MC arguably developing a bit of a harem of her own. She's not the center of the universe for most of the people who are interested in her, and so I don't think that's what people are looking for.

I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with wish fulfillment, though? Some people are able to suspend disbelief about certain things more easily than others.

To actually answer the question: I just let the plot develop however seems interesting.

Well, as for my case, I don't really intend to have him marry everyone because of readers.

If anything, I'd like to do it coz it's what I want to write, harem-haters be damned. Lol

I mean, it sounds like you're already writing a big harem-- curious as to why you put the line at marriage specifically, if you want to write about it?

 

[Deleted member 54065]

I think the real reason most people hate harems is that 90% them are written badly. Most harem stories have a little beta male MC who has a group of 5 women around him who he never has sex with or makes any flirtation or romantic moves ever. The readers never get the satisfaction of seeing the romances fulfilled.

Also, they are mostly unrealistic. Unless the MC has some sort of magic, he usually cannot sexually keep up with that many women (unless he is a young man about 18-19). As men get older, they lose their sexual stamina over time - women however hit their sexual peak in their thirties. Women get horny just like men, and there are consequences for leaving them unsatisfied.

Another reason why harems annoy people is because they dont really follow the rules of human psychology. People can suspend their disbelief and enjoy things like magic, gods & science-fiction - but disregarding human psychology annoys people. An example: In most harems the MC is usually 15-18 year old boy who NEVER displays any horny behavior to the the group of beautiful women who literally throw themselves at him. This is bullshit of staggering proportions. 15 year old boys are THE HORNIEST creatures on this planet, unless they were castrated or gay, they would definitely make a move on these girls. I can entertain the possibility of a guy shooting fire out of his hands, but a young man not trying to have sex with beautiful women who are all over him? Never.

A harem protagonist done well, is a guy who is confident and actively flirts with his group of girls. He should be someone who could sexually satisfy a group of women.

Another reason that harems piss people off, is the female psychology that is done wrong. Women can be very territorial & possessive of men they like. They will get into fights with the other women around the MC (they will also be very catty when the mc isnt looking). If a female member of the harem is bisexual (or sexually open-minded) and participates in pleasing the other girls then these situations can be avoided. They might also get pissed off at the MC for being a man-whore.

A harem done well, is a guy who actively works things out with his girls, communicates well, & finds solutions to the conflicts that will most definitely pop up. Harems can be a wealth of story-telling and drama if they are done correctly.

At the end of the day, harems are usually like any other relationship - you get what you put in. But most harem protagonists put in no work whatsoever. Their women usually fall right in their lap. This is a deus-ex-machina in human form. Its like a story where the mc has to fight an evil dragon and a +2 sword of dragon slaying immediately falls out of the sky - there's no suspense, no tension, no feeling of accomplishment.
Its boring.

(got a little wordy there, but i have read so many bad harems that ive developed a complex. I actually like harems, and really enjoy when they are done well.)

Well, it's not that I don't understand where you come from, but again, this is my work, and I write because it's what I want. I'm not getting paid for my stories, and I don't want to get paid exactly for the same reason that readers would have rights to demand if I get to have them pay.

So, I write poly because I want to write it. Harem-haters be damned. (Also, Ottoman Sultans have harems.)

I mean, it sounds like you're already writing a big harem-- curious as to why you put the line at marriage specifically, if you want to write about it?

My answer:

View attachment 20715

Part of always reminding my readers that the world he fell into isn't Earth are his relationships with some of the ladies he gets to meet, which is part of that place's culture. Yep, I'm going for the poly end.

 

[ForestDweller]

Spoiler: Candidates

This one needs a 'redo'. Either a youth elixir or a regression. She isn't interested in 'who' she's with, and she either needs to become comfortable with the idea that she doesn't need to get married, or find a better reason to marry than whatever is motivating her currently (I assume peer pressure/ culture).

Needs a reality check. Introduce her to a snotty peasant who keeps knocking her off her feet (thus proving MC isn't the only worthy person in the world). Preferably a girl so she won't realize it's a contestant for her affection until she falls too far in love to back off.

This one will probably fall in love with the first person who sneezes at her. I don't like the created to be together angle, but it makes it harder for her to escape. She's the first viable candidate.

This one is viable, but not as a romantic partner. She can be an adopted daughter or sister.

This one also needs a snotty peasant. But one that makes her realize that 'being worthy' isn't important. Could go either way, really. Either she gets pushed towards MC or realizes that the third party cares about her more and leaves.

Unless she falls in love with the other members of the harem, I'd hope she could leave to find personal happiness once MC finds happiness, as a sort of 'Ah, job done, now I can do my thing.'

Well, that's just a quick and dirty analysis. There's plenty of other opportunities here.

This one needs a 'redo'. Either a youth elixir or a regression. She isn't interested in 'who' she's with, and she either needs to become comfortable with the idea that she doesn't need to get married, or find a better reason to marry than whatever is motivating her currently (I assume peer pressure/ culture).

Oh, I phrased that badly. I meant she's been traveling around on her own for 100 years give or take. And the first time she fell in love was with the MC's father after she took him in as a rookie adventurer. Only to be rejected since he fell in love with a different member of the party and he doesn't believe in polygamy. She basically fell into a depression and her loneliness felt even harsher.

And now she's coming with MC as his guardian since he's wanted by a bunch of powerful enemies. And she's growing those feelings again.

She abandoned her family and her race because she disagreed with their ways. She has no one else in the world.

Also, she doesn't need an elixir. She looks young enough lol, being a demon and all. About 25 or so.

Needs a reality check. Introduce her to a snotty peasant who keeps knocking her off her feet (thus proving MC isn't the only worthy person in the world). Preferably a girl so she won't realize it's a contestant for her affection until she falls too far in love to back off.

I got a reality check coming. Not gonna be your idea though.

At that point, she only has MC to rely on. Her lowest point basically.

This one will probably fall in love with the first person who sneezes at her. I don't like the created to be together angle, but it makes it harder for her to escape. She's the first viable candidate.

She was created to be the bearer of MC's seed since he's a special person. But MC already rejected her because he already had the current harem members. She's too kind to intrude on their relationship.

This one is viable, but not as a romantic partner. She can be an adopted daughter or sister.

Feels weird for her to be either because she's around the same age as mc.

This one also needs a snotty peasant. But one that makes her realize that 'being worthy' isn't important. Could go either way, really. Either she gets pushed towards MC or realizes that the third party cares about her more and leaves.

She already confessed lol but MC rejected her. Again because he already promised himself to the current harem.

Still that was years ago. And soon they might meet again.

Her being worthy comes from her originally chastising him for doing dangerous work for free. Like fighting a dragon to cure a young girl he just met or pissing off the church to rescue a shady necromancer woman just because he thinks she's a good person. She realizes after he left that she wasn't good enough for him.

Unless she falls in love with the other members of the harem, I'd hope she could leave to find personal happiness once MC finds happiness, as a sort of 'Ah, job done, now I can do my thing.'

Heh. I don't think mc will want her to leave. They've been separated for years and he had to go to great lengths to save her.

She will totally do that though. Like the benevolent big sister that she is. Hiding her sadness with a forced smile.

She won't have a home to return to. The little sister will already have her own lover.

 

[Deleted member 54065]

I'm puzzled as to why people keep saying harems are impossible.

Histories (like Genghis Khan and the Ottomans) have showed ancient kings having wives and concubines by the hundreds, and it's impossible?

Maybe you guys are talking about the emotional investment, which is really impossible, given the number of people involved. It may also be impossible for the modern 'Earth' setting, at least to those countries that has a sliver of monogamous religions and traditions. Or the sexist aspect of it, the use of it varies for each author.

But then again, it's fiction. To apply common sense to it is like reading a high fantasy story with humans, demons, elves and dwarves and complaining it is illogical.

 

[SailusGebel]

I'm puzzled as to why people keep saying harems are impossible.

Spoiler: Harems are impossible because...