The sound of a keyboard being abused filled my room. -->This sentence is a little awkward. I'd go with 'My room was filled with the noise of a keyboard being abused.'
“Gotcha… no need to scream” came the response from our healer. --> If you put the quote first and then tell who said it, use a comma at the end of the sentence, like so: “Gotcha… no need to scream,” came the response from our healer.
MMORPG is an abbreviation and should always be capitalized
That is, it took time to “git gud”. And everyone had loads of free time due to the global pandemics that infested the decade. And everyone had loads of free time due to the global pandemics that infested the decade. --> This sentence is a little clunky because it starts with 'and,' and is there more than one pandemic? Also, in the US we always keep our periods inside the quotation marks. That is, it took time to “git gud,” and everyone had loads of free time due to the global pandemic that ruined the decade.
The mode we were playing was a staged game mode that pushed players to survive and kill monsters quickly before a timer ran out, the difficulty increased along with the amount of players and the stages cleared. --> I'd separate this into two sentences. It's awkward having a comma connect two complete sentences. 'The mode we were playing was a staged game mode that pushed players to survive and kill monsters quickly before a timer ran out. The difficulty increased along with the amount of players and the stages cleared.
As the corpse of a being out of my worst nightmares disappeared replaced by a portal to end the stage, our expectations rose. --> This sentence doesn't flow well because the subject is too wordy. Maybe like this? The corpse of a monster out of my worst nightmares disappeared, replaced by a portal to end the stage. Our expectations rose.
Confirming it was neither a bug nor an exploit, I returned to the game and prepared myself to brag about my godly roll to my clan mates, when my sight went blurry and my hearing became muddy. --> This sentence is just a little long. If the sentences get long like this it breaks the flow even if it's grammatically correct. Also, clan-mates should be one word: clanmates.
The beings who were shaped by evolution, were also influenced by this force since time immemorial. --> Get rid of the comma, the subject is the same in both parts of the sentence The beings who were shaped by evolution were also influenced by this force since time immemorial.
The event began with a few atoms coming together and forming cells, then the cells formed tissue, specialized tissue formed organs and, in turn, these formed systems. A creature that looked like a human was being created in the noisy symphony of the forest. --> Add a comma you don't want to put and, before a comma. The event began with a few atoms coming together and forming cells, then the cells formed tissue, specialized tissue formed organs, and, in turn, these formed systems. A creature that looked like a human was being created in the noisy symphony of the forest.
Creation of life. --> This is a sentence fragment, not something a fluent speaker would just randomly put out there. If you put it as The creation of life. it would be better, if still incomplete.
Greedily gulping air I reached for my throat. --> sentence fragment needs a subject. I greedily gulped air as I reached for my throat.
The rich smell of dirt, weeds, trees, water and something clean was all too real. --> missing comma The rich smell of dirt, weeds, trees, water, and something clean was all too real.
Never had I seen the world with such pristine definition. Almost as if the world ran at 8k 144fps. --> combine sentences or complete the second one Never had I seen the world with such pristine definition. It was almost as if the world ran at 8k 144fps.
I instinctively knew I could see better than before not just in details, but in how fast I could see images. --> separate sentence or add punctuation. I instinctively knew I could see better than before, and not just in details, There was a change in how fast I could see images.
The more I looked around, a budding sensation began to blossom in my heart. --> too redundant, sentence fragments disagree with tense As I looked around, a strange sensation began to blossom in my heart.
As if pure instinct, I tried concentrating on this odd feeling as one would focus on one’s breathing, taking over the automatic breathing mechanism within one’s consciousness. --> 'one' is an unusual/archaic word choice, I'd try to avoid if possible especially when the text also contains 'git gud' As if by pure instinct, I tried concentrating on this odd feeling. It was like I was taking over the automatic breathing mechanism within my consciousness.
What came after was like a cold bucket of water in such a warm weather. --> 'a warm weather' is weird and incorrect What came after that was like a splash of cold water on a sunny day.
rpg -> RPG
“Why do I have a massive dick?!” I immediately facepalmed. --> facepalming is fine but if it's here it seems like it's describing how he's talking, I'd probably just go ahead and describe the action “Why do I have a massive dick?!” I said, putting my hand to face in shock.
I didn’t have a belly button, but shrugged it off. --> either add I or remove the comma I didn’t have a belly button, but I shrugged it off.
body builder -> bodybuilder
With the amount of sounds that were present it was safe to assume no predator was around. ->add comma With the amount of sounds that were present, it was safe to assume no predator was around.
. Something that resembled socks, pants, a vest and gloves. ->add comma Something that resembled socks, pants, a vest, and gloves.
After a long few minutes of mental gymnastics I managed to figure out the order of things. ->add comma After a long few minutes of mental gymnastics, I managed to figure out the order of things.
then the gloves, the arm guards, the elbow guards and finally the shoulder plates.-> add comma then the gloves, the arm guards, the elbow guards, and finally the shoulder plates.
It clearly weighted more than it should, --> weighed
My muscles surged, tightened and then relaxed --> add comma My muscles surged, tightened, and then relaxed
mmo’s. --> MMOs (capitalize, no apostrophe)
hummingbirds, sparrows, thrashers and many, -> add comma hummingbirds, sparrows, thrashers, and many,
The stream’s there! --> I would break it up The stream is there!
I turned to look at it and surely enough, it was staring at me. As if expecting gratitude. --> surely is antiquated, use sure and combine sentences I turned to look at it and sure enough, it was staring at me as if expecting gratitude.
“Well… fuck me.” I whispered --> combine the sentences with a comma “Well… fuck me,” I whispered
“Jumping it is.” I said --> “Jumping it is,” I said
Dirt, stones and more raining --> Dirt, stones, and more raining
At first I thought it was good old adrenaline -- At first, I thought it was good old adrenaline
double check -- hyphenate double-check
“Huh.” was all I could utter. --> combine with a comma “Huh,” was all I could utter.
I had two directions I could follow. Upstream or downstream. --> sentence fragment I had two directions I could follow: upstream or downstream.
fish, insects and a plethora --> fish, insects and a plethora
“If water won’t give, check the land.” I said to myself, returning to the dirt path. --> combine with comma
“...Okay. If land won’t give, check nature.” I approached a clump of trees and searched for any fallen branches. --> I'd split into two lines for clarity
“...Okay. If land won’t give, check nature.”
I approached a clump of trees and searched for any fallen branches.
but that has worked for me when I was a younger. --> when I was younger
That still makes it 100% success rate. --> That still makes it a 100% success rate. or That means it still has a 100% success rate.
And so began the long walk along the river. --> don't start a paragraph with and So began the long walk along the river.
First was obviously myself. --> The first was obviously
spear wielding -- spear-wielding
skillpoints --> skill points
maxed out --> maxed-out
However, most players went with the tried and confirmed set of skills, and I was no different. --> I don't like starting a paragraph with however, or even a sentence
I knew I could throw my weapon and it would somehow return to me in the same way I knew I would need to go to the bathroom if I ate food and some hours would pass. --> awkward phrasing, does not flow how a native speaker would say it I knew I could throw my weapon and it would somehow return to me. It was just like how I knew I would need to go to the bathroom a few hours after eating a large meal.
As an individual belonging to a society of science, however, I had to try for myself. Seeing is believing and all that. --> basically the same as starting a sentence with however, not good grammar even if it does sound natural
I took out my weapon and once again felt the rush of energy from before, but milder. --> weird incomplete sentence I took out my weapon. I felt the same rush of energy as before, but this time it was milder.
As if following a set of movements I had done previously a million times, I threw the pike. --> not how a fluent speaker would say it I threw the pike as if I'd done it a million times before
It didn’t fly back, but teleport itself. --> It didn’t fly back. Instead, it teleported.
I assumed that would be the case, with one of my classes requiring being mounted for the more powerful skills to be available. --> weird awkward sentence I assumed that would be the case. One of my classes required me to be mounted to access its most powerful skills.
I counted two hours and they wore off. --> not how a native speaker would phrase that I kept track of the time. Two full hours went by before the buffs wore off.
It was nothing unbalanced --> imbalanced
When I stopped, something told me I had to wait for five seconds for it to be available again, time which I filled with other skills. --> weird awkward sentence When I stopped, something told me I had to wait for five seconds for the skill to be available again. In the meantime, I tried out more skills.
lighting --> lightning
The path had kept itself right next to the river and the trees around me were growing more and more distant, until the canopy was thin enough for there to be gaps. --> weird awkward sentence, remove comma The path kept right next to the river and the trees around me grew more and more distant until the canopy was thin enough that I could see gaps through it.
That is when I glanced up while swinging my pike and saw them. --> weird phrasing That was the moment when I glanced up while swinging my pike and saw something strange.
“Yo… That’s terrifyingly amazing.” I said from my position on the ground. --> I don't like Yo.. here, also combine with a comma, also terrifyingly isn't really something a native speaker would say as it's a mouthful, don't really have a suggestion for this part though, sorry. “That’s amazing,” I said from my position on the ground.
I raised a hand to cover my eyes and was once again shocked.
My reflection on the plated gauntlet was glowing with a golden hue -- > I'd combine these in the same paragraph so the reader doesn't lose track
As I removed a plated glove along with the leather one beneath, I inspected my hand. There indeed was a golden glow. --> kind of unclear what's glowing, don't you think?
“Is it that? Bio photo something?” --> “Is it that... bio photo something?”
I kept walking. This time focusing on my ephemeral inventory. After a while I chuckled. -->two corrections here I kept walking, this time focusing on my ephemeral inventory. After a while, I chuckled.
As for useful items, I had nine mythical weapons, result of playing for long hours trying to get the pike I now held, seven sets of equipment optimized for endgame content. One for wizard, one for cleric, one for scout, two for archers, and two for swordsmen. Each set specialized for a specific role. --> you need more connecting words, it doesn't read fluently. Don't start the paragraph with 'as for,' combine it with another paragraph or change how it starts As for useful items, I had nine mythical weapons, the result of playing for many long hours trying to get the pike I now held. I also had seven sets of equipment optimized for endgame content. One for the wizard, one for the cleric, one for the scout, two for the archers, and two for the swordsmen. Each set was specialized for a specific role.
About costumes, I had them all. Costumes are justice. School uniforms, animal costumes, Victorian era dresses, futuristic space suits. You name it, I had it. As for consumables, there was a lot. Potions, scrolls, enhancing anvils, repair kits, identifying magnifiers, food, drinks, the list goes on. I was serious about the game, after all. --> more sentence fragments, don't start the paragraph this way I had all the costumes too. Costumes are justice. School uniforms, animal costumes, Victorian-era dresses, futuristic spacesuits, you name it, I had it. I had a lot of consumables too. Potions, scrolls, enhancing anvils, repair kits, identifying magnifiers, food, drinks, the list goes on; I was serious about the game, after all.
fire based weapon, -->fire-based weapon
Late evening turned into night a few hours later --> add an article The late evening turned into the night a few hours later
By then, the river was no longer covered by the canopy and the sky was visible from the road, the forest edge on my right as I looked up into the sky and the three moons. --> put this with the last paragraph, you don't want to start one with 'by then'
One purple, one white and one --> One purple, one white, and one
“This really is a fantasy world, huh.” I whispered as I stared at the moons. --> “This really is a fantasy world, huh?” I whispered as I stared at the moons.
The sounds of birds and wildlife were replaced by owls and other night exclusive animals, --> night exclusive makes them sound like pokemon, say nocturnal
I could even feel them reasonably rested instead of pained and tired as I expected them to be. That was either due to my new body being more resilient or the equipment being far better than I initially thought. Whichever was, I kept on walking. --> weird sentences My legs actually felt reasonably well-rested instead of pained and tired as I'd expected them to be. Maybe my new body was more resilient or my equipment being was far better than I initially thought; whichever it was, I kept on walking.
At times I got hungry and ate a dumpling, drank water from the river or soft drinks from my inventory and relieved myself in some bushes.-> at times is a strange way to start this list, also it needs a comma At times I got hungry and ate a dumpling, at other times I drank water from the river or soft drinks from my inventory. I also relieved myself in the bushes a few times.
As the first lights of day shone, I was getting bored of nothing happening. --> shone is weird and archaic As the sun rose, I got bored. Nothing was happening.
“Is this the Nile or something? How long is this river? Get me some people for fucks sake!” I grumbled while having breakfast and dipping my feet on the river. -- > get me some people is kind of weird also fuck's sake has an apostrophe Give me some people, for fuck's sake!
Then I had an idea.--> Then, I had an idea.
I fixed my armor, took out my pike, aimed it down the road and charged. --> list needs another comma I fixed my armor, took out my pike, aimed it down the road, and charged.
exponentially increased my speed, because I heard a loud boom around me --> increased my speed exponentially. I heard a loud boom around me
At around evening of me running full speed, the road was as straight as it could be. I could even see for thousands of meters ahead. I could even see the carriage I was closing in. --> weird nonfluent phrasing After a full evening of running at full speed, the road was as straight as could be. I could see thousands of meters ahead. I could even see the carriage I was closing in on.
After I completely stopped, the sound of my full speed caught up and exploded, resulting in the horses panicking and their riders to clutch their heads. --> weird nonfluent phrasing After I completely stopped, the sound of my speed caught up to me. We were surrounded by a powerful burst of wind. The horses panicked and their riders clutched their heads in fear.
They all turned around while unsheathing swords. --> They all turned around while unsheathing their swords.
With his shout, all the guards pointed their weapons at me as well, and the horses calmed down. --> I would just not mention the horses here With his shout, all the guards pointed their weapons at me as well.
“Hello there.” --> “Hello, there.”
young looking --> young-looking
An elf! I thought just as the sword hit me in the neck. --> An elf! I thought, just as the sword hit me in the neck.
