Help fixing the tone of a character

[QuillScribbler]

I have a character for my story who is an evil lich type, but is choosing to help a group of adventurers doing... good guy stuff for the most part. After writing two arcs, I've realized that the lich is too whimsical. I want him to be cold and a bit dark while also not killing the humor I'm going for. Here is a example.

Note for context: the lich wants to be a hero, more or less, and the group knew they are about to walk into an ambush.

As we ventured just five steps toward the border trees, the group came out of hiding for around the trees. Their clothes, grimy and caked with filth, hung off their frames. Six of them gripped rusted blades tightly, while two figures at the rear clutched bows, arrows notched and ready.

“Well, well, what have we here?” A rugged man, presumably their leader, swaggered forward. “No need to fret, little ones. We're the local tax collectors, and this, my friends, is a road tax. So, you best hand over all your coin... and whatever else you're carryin'. Be swift, and we’ll let you keep your knickers.”

“We're not on a road,” Elara remarked, her tone dripping with boredom.

“W-well, wherever the tax men go, the road tax follows,”

This was troublesome. If they were authentic tax collectors, my entire plan could crumble. Sure, I could still proceed, but beating up tax collectors lacked the same thrill as facing down bandits. I leaned toward Elara, whispering, “Do you think they're telling the truth?”

With an eye roll, she responded audibly, “No, Rex, they are not tax collectors.” Clearing her throat, she adopted a tone of mock desperation. “Oh, if only there were a hero here to save us. Wherever could we find one?”

That was my cue. Swiftly, I removed my mask, letting it tumble to the ground where a portal was waiting to catch it. “Fear not, for I am a hero!”

“By the gods, what is that thing!” the leader cried. Before he could react, I dashed to his side, landing a resounding 'justice chop' at the back of his neck. My hand connected with a satisfying crunch, and he slumped face-first into the dirt.

“The criminal has been incapacitated, ready for the lawmen to take him away!” I struck a pose, hiding my face with my right hand. The other bandits stood frozen in place.

Elara crouched down, poking my captive with a stick. “Yeah, he's dead.”

“What? That can’t be right. He's just sleeping!”

“Eternally, never to awaken again,” chimed in the hounds.

Elara glanced up at the other bandits. “Bubur, Nasi, kill anyone who tries to run.” At her command, the coats of the hounds burst into blue flames. “Rex, it seems to me that you require more practice with your 'justice chop.'”

“You are correct, child. A hero can't be expected to master everything at once, so I shall hone this skill within the next seven attempts.” I advanced toward the remaining bandits, who were slowly retreating, trying to maintain distance. “Come now, you vagabonds, and receive your justice!”

It took another five tries before I mastered the skill. Surprisingly, only one of them attempted to flee.

I don't mind if the lich is a little whimsical here and there, but how can I go about showing that he is, in fact, an evil lich?

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

I have a character for my story who is an evil lich type, but is choosing to help a group of adventurers doing... good guy stuff for the most part. After writing two arcs, I've realized that the lich is too whimsical. I want him to be cold and a bit dark while also not killing the humor I'm going for. Here is a example.

Note for context: the lich wants to be a hero, more or less, and the group knew they are about to walk into an ambush.

I don't mind if the lich is a little whimsical here and there, but how can I go about showing that he is, in fact, an evil lich?

Make him have a line that is absurdly dark for what his goals are.

 

[Sleds]

I have a character for my story who is an evil lich type, but is choosing to help a group of adventurers doing... good guy stuff for the most part. After writing two arcs, I've realized that the lich is too whimsical. I want him to be cold and a bit dark while also not killing the humor I'm going for. Here is a example.

Note for context: the lich wants to be a hero, more or less, and the group knew they are about to walk into an ambush.

I don't mind if the lich is a little whimsical here and there, but how can I go about showing that he is, in fact, an evil lich?

You can use flashback, thoughts, or even discussion with other character while the lich tell the truth but everyone thought he lying, or you can even go with the misunderstanding type of discussion where everything the lich said is understand differently.

 

[SailusGebel]

My opinion, you need to do a complete rewrite. I can't think of how to change it right now, but I do not associate this POV with lich, or evil yet whimsical character.

 

[HelloHound]

wanton violence

 

[QuillScribbler]

My opinion, you need to do a complete rewrite. I can't think of how to change it right now, but I do not associate this POV with lich, or evil yet whimsical character.

Oh yeah, this scene is mostly getting tossed. Which is a bit unfortunate as I did like it.

 

[SailusGebel]

Oh yeah, this scene is mostly getting tossed. Which is a bit unfortunate as I did like it.

Important question. How old is your lich?

 

[QuillScribbler]

Important question. How old is your lich?

Still fleshing out all the dates and stuff, but at least a few thousand years.

 

[Notadate]

Kill party, and say he casted ‘good guy’ spelll on himself to disguise his evilness. And make him really evil
duh he used a spell to make himself think less evily

 

[SailusGebel]

Still fleshing out all the dates and stuff, but at least a few thousand years.

Then you can(and in my opinion should) show that he lived in a different age, in a different times, and so on. Morals changed, his knowledge could have gotten outdated, or the opposite could have happened and he can posses long-lost knowledge. Unless he was active all those thousand years of course.

Another question is, how powerful this lich is? This also matters, since you write in a first-person POV(correct me if I'm wrong here).

 

[QuillScribbler]

Then you can(and in my opinion should) show that he lived in a different age, in a different times, and so on. Morals changed, his knowledge could have gotten outdated, or the opposite could have happened and he can posses long-lost knowledge. Unless he was active all those thousand years of course.

Another question is, how powerful this lich is? This also matters, since you write in a first-person POV(correct me if I'm wrong here).

I didn't really think about morals changing and how the lich could approach thing, that's a good point.

So in short, he awakens at the start of the story, having slept since the second era, an era know for it's powerful magic that is now lost in the modern age. The lich also knows many powerful spells.

And not sure if it matter, but the story is a mix of first and third person, with the lich always being in first.

 

[SailusGebel]

I didn't really think about morals changing and how the lich could approach thing, that's a good point.

So in short, he awakens at the start of the story, having slept since the second era, an era know for it's powerful magic that is now lost in the modern age. The lich also knows many powerful spells.

And not sure if it matter, but the story is a mix of first and third person, with the lich always being in first.

So, since he was hibernating for a long time, and is fairly powerful, AND you do write in first person you can do the following. First, as I mentioned before, you show the difference in morals, culture, and laws. For example, before you couldn't kill anyone, now you can kill, but with restrictions. You can also show difference in religion. You can also include memory issues since this lich hibernated for so long? Add parts of the old, pre-lich personality, or make the new lich personality less "evil."

Second, since this lich is powerful, and it's first-person POV, you can use thoughts to convey how or why the lich is whimsical. "I can kill them with a flick of my hand, but they are amusing." Something like that. How to make the lich evil? Not sure since it depends on overall morals and mood of your world. If it's the norm to kill babies and drink their blood in your world, and even small-time bandits do it all the time, will this lich be evil by simply killing someone?

 

[QuillScribbler]

So, since he was hibernating for a long time, and is fairly powerful, AND you do write in first person you can do the following. First, as I mentioned before, you show the difference in morals, culture, and laws. For example, before you couldn't kill anyone, now you can kill, but with restrictions. You can also show difference in religion. You can also include memory issues since this lich hibernated for so long? Add parts of the old, pre-lich personality, or make the new lich personality less "evil."

Second, since this lich is powerful, and it's first-person POV, you can use thoughts to convey how or why the lich is whimsical. "I can kill them with a flick of my hand, but they are amusing." Something like that. How to make the lich evil? Not sure since it depends on overall morals and mood of your world. If it's the norm to kill babies and drink their blood in your world, and even small-time bandits do it all the time, will this lich be evil by simply killing someone?

Thanks for the tips. I think I have an idea on where to take it.

 

[Generic.Archdemon]

wanton violence

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

I have a character for my story who is an evil lich type, but is choosing to help a group of adventurers doing... good guy stuff for the most part. After writing two arcs, I've realized that the lich is too whimsical. I want him to be cold and a bit dark while also not killing the humor I'm going for. Here is a example.

Note for context: the lich wants to be a hero, more or less, and the group knew they are about to walk into an ambush.

I don't mind if the lich is a little whimsical here and there, but how can I go about showing that he is, in fact, an evil lich?

LMFAOO!! This is frickin' hilarious! Well, think Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. A rather whimsical man, for sure, but there are other moments in which you are reminded he is a really terrible individual.
Keep throwing out off-handed comments. For example, throw out really gruesome ways in which innocent souls of mothers and kids were tortured to be made malleable to make easier use of them to make him a lich. Now, a lot of readers will still glaze over that, but that will help ensure this next part.
Write an individual as an important part of the story. Make them brave, beloved by readers, brash, and completely put-together as an individual. They understand who they are in the world, and they will save people. All in all, they are freakin cool, and a fixture of the story. Hint of a past with the lich, but not have the lich or them recognize each other. And then, make them meet or realize who the lich is...
And have them break down sobbing, hysterically pleading for the lich not to kill them. Even have them thank the lich for not using them up like the rest of their sisters and brothers, and their mom and dad, because they are so desperate to not kill and use their soul in some messed-up manner. Have them be so fucking traumatized they don't even try to kill him or escape him.
They just plead.
And beg.
Or worse. if you really want to go for shock-value, they immediately ram a sword through their heart or eye, set themselves on fire, or use some magical methodto kill themselves (have water power? Fill up their lungs like a jug. Have sparkle power? Flashbang everyone so they can steal someone's sword and drag it across their own throat, sawing back and forth with their weak muscles until they die of blood loss).

 

[QuillScribbler]

LMFAOO!! This is frickin' hilarious! Well, think Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. A rather whimsical man, for sure, but there are other moments in which you are reminded he is a really terrible individual.
Keep throwing out off-handed comments. For example, throw out really gruesome ways in which innocent souls of mothers and kids were tortured to be made malleable to make easier use of them to make him a lich. Now, a lot of readers will still glaze over that, but that will help ensure this next part.
Write an individual as an important part of the story. Make them brave, beloved by readers, brash, and completely put-together as an individual. They understand who they are in the world, and they will save people. All in all, they are freakin cool, and a fixture of the story. Hint of a past with the lich, but not have the lich or them recognize each other. And then, make them meet or realize who the lich is...
And have them break down sobbing, hysterically pleading for the lich not to kill them. Even have them thank the lich for not using them up like the rest of their sisters and brothers, and their mom and dad, because they are so desperate to not kill and use their soul in some messed-up manner. Have them be so fucking traumatized they don't even try to kill him or escape him.
They just plead.
And beg.
Or worse. if you really want to go for shock-value, they immediately ram a sword through their heart or eye, set themselves on fire, or use some magical methodto kill themselves (have water power? Fill up their lungs like a jug. Have sparkle power? Flashbang everyone so they can steal someone's sword and drag it across their own throat, sawing back and forth with their weak muscles until they die of blood loss).

I like the way you think lol

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

You can have his actions contradict his thoughts. A character that says they are reasonable, yet they keep killing innocent people. "I am killing them for the greater good." Often, the most evil are the ones who actually believe what they are doing is good. It's not chuuni or edgy. The character has a genuine belief that everything they do is for the greater good. It's usually a set of messed-up moral principles. The ends justify the means, or thinking people deserve things that they don't.

 

[Sylver]

Small steps go a long way!

Give them some dark humor, hint toward nefarious goals or evil misdeeds. Have fun with it and have them be the Devils Advocate of the group. Even better to have them be correct sometimes or make some good arguments despite disagreeing with what the group wants. Maybe it would benefit them if they were more selfish in their goals for example, something like that.

 

[TsumiHokiro]

You can have his actions contradict his thoughts. A character that says they are reasonable, yet they keep killing innocent people. "I am killing them for the greater good." Often, the most evil are the ones who actually believe what they are doing is good. It's not chuuni or edgy. The character has a genuine belief that everything they do is for the greater good. It's usually a set of messed-up moral principles. The ends justify the means, or thinking people deserve things that they don't.

You're looking this the wrong way. What is Good? And what is Evil? In a world where the Undead walk, for a Good Aligned Undead to be walking about, they would be desiring the "Good" for the Undead instead of for the Living. Or less radically speaking, for the Orcs, someone who preaches the Good would not be killing innocent Orc children because the Orcs are raiding the bad Humans, but instead, the Evil Human Paladin who is killing Orcs because they are raiding the Human lands! Good and Evil are absolutes only relative to someone's point of view! If you change from whose side you're looking from, then you have the dilemma of who is dictating who not to kill, why not to do things and further behaviours.

Your Lich, being an awakened being after a long hibernation, is most likely someone who has a warped sense of value compared to other's. If he considers himself really so almighty, as you say, carelessness probably has wormed into his actions, and it would reflect into his thoughts of those "inferior" to himself. But that does not mean the old values he practices are absent from the world view. The more it sees of the world, discovers things it does not know, the more it would display that which led it to become an undead. Liches are, after all, very much the embodiment of curiosity given immortality.

 

[RepresentingEnvy]

You're looking this the wrong way. What is Good? And what is Evil? In a world where the Undead walk, for a Good Aligned Undead to be walking about, they would be desiring the "Good" for the Undead instead of for the Living. Or less radically speaking, for the Orcs, someone who preaches the Good would not be killing innocent Orc children because the Orcs are raiding the bad Humans, but instead, the Evil Human Paladin who is killing Orcs because they are raiding the Human lands! Good and Evil are absolutes only relative to someone's point of view! If you change from whose side you're looking from, then you have the dilemma of who is dictating who not to kill, why not to do things and further behaviours.

Your Lich, being an awakened being after a long hibernation, is most likely someone who has a warped sense of value compared to other's. If he considers himself really so almighty, as you say, carelessness probably has wormed into his actions, and it would reflect into his thoughts of those "inferior" to himself. But that does not mean the old values he practices are absent from the world view. The more it sees of the world, discovers things it does not know, the more it would display that which led it to become an undead. Liches are, after all, very much the embodiment of curiosity given immortality.

You are going to abstract. I am simply talking about contradictions. It doesn't matter what you view as evil. I am saying the character's thoughts should contradict whatever they are attempting.