Help me rewrite my early chapters (By pointing out mistakes)

[Zinless]

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

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I've been wanting to rewrite my early chapters lately since I know how rough they are compared to my later chapters. Even my later chapters can be rough most of the time.

I just don't know where to start, so I'm asking for your help on this. What makes it rough? Is it the writing? The way characters talk? The length? Throw all your complains at me!

Anything that seems to bother you, no matter how small, will be accepted as criticism. And please be as harsh as possible, don't pull your punches!

 

[ResurreSAN]

I'll critique your chapters as long as you critique mine.