How do your decribe Cities/Kingdoms!

[KingMusa]

Hello Citizen of Scribblehub! Can I please get some help on how to describe cities and kingdoms, examples would be great!

Here are some descriptions of already written:(Dont mind the grammar please)

1.The train tracks were now on a tall bridge, stretching over the clear blue ocean that glistened in the sunlight. Birds and other flying creatures were not the only things occupying the sky, flying vessels of all shapes and sizes roamed the air space, flying to and from the magnificent city of Belthon, which could be seen in the short distance. The cityscape was huge, a cluster of buildings planted everywhere like a garden.

2.Belthon was much grander than Cardino Port. The atmosphere was that of a massive festival, everywhere you looked something was happening. The ambient chatter and music brought the city to life. Buildings stood as mountains piercing the sky, with the streets flooded with people who navigated their way through the chaos easily.

3.
it was another beautiful but bustling night in the city of yoko also known as the "city of sleepless dreamers". there wasn’t a cloud in the star-speckled sky. rows of towering skyscrapers stretched above the river of civilians.

A half-moon hovered at the fringes of the luminous cityscape, where the red blinking lights of distance radio towers twinkled in the night. A network of roads and bridges swirled around the city like a web, at first glance they look messy but take another look and you will see that they are carefully laid out and organized.

Vehicles flew around the city leaving trails of tangled neon threads of lights that would stay visible for short seconds before vanishing. The peaceful night sky was occupied by spaceships of all sizes and shapes flying around like birds.

 

[Nahrenne]

Hello Citizen of Scribblehub! Can I please get some help on how to describe cities and kingdoms, examples would be great!

Here are some descriptions of already written:(Dont mind the grammar please)

1.The train tracks were now on a tall bridge, stretching over the clear blue ocean that glistened in the sunlight. Birds and other flying creatures were not the only things occupying the sky, flying vessels of all shapes and sizes roamed the air space, flying to and from the magnificent city of Belthon, which could be seen in the short distance. The cityscape was huge, a cluster of buildings planted everywhere like a garden.

2.Belthon was much grander than Cardino Port. The atmosphere was that of a massive festival, everywhere you looked something was happening. The ambient chatter and music brought the city to life. Buildings stood as mountains piercing the sky, with the streets flooded with people who navigated their way through the chaos easily.

3.
it was another beautiful but bustling night in the city of yoko also known as the "city of sleepless dreamers". there wasn’t a cloud in the star-speckled sky. rows of towering skyscrapers stretched above the river of civilians.

A half-moon hovered at the fringes of the luminous cityscape, where the red blinking lights of distance radio towers twinkled in the night. A network of roads and bridges swirled around the city like a web, at first glance they look messy but take another look and you will see that they are carefully laid out and organized.

Vehicles flew around the city leaving trails of tangled neon threads of lights that would stay visible for short seconds before vanishing. The peaceful night sky was occupied by spaceships of all sizes and shapes flying around like birds.

Potentially comment on the unique social aspects of them?
Like whether it's known for having a strong underground influence?
Or a black market in broad daylight?
Or whether the personality/temperament of the populace is welcoming or abrasive?
Adding onto that, you could also mention whether there is a large 'entertainment district' presence or not
Or what the government for that area is like?

Though, those things can be introduced as the story goes along. It doesn't need to be done in one big lump description of the city/kingdom.


Sorry if none of this helped at all, and if I interpreted your request incorrectly.
>w<

X

 

[KingMusa]

Potentially comment on the unique social aspects of them?
Like whether it's known for having a strong underground influence?
Or a black market in broad daylight?
Or whether the personality/temperament of the populace is welcoming or abrasive?
Adding onto that, you could also mention whether there is a large 'entertainment district' presence or not
Or what the government for that area is like?

Though, those things can be introduced as the story goes along. It doesn't need to be done in one big lump description of the city/kingdom.


Sorry if none of this helped at all, and if I interpreted your request incorrectly.
>w<

X

No your answered really helped, I now have some kinda of check list of tick off.

Thank You!

 

[LilRora]

Okay, so I've got a bit to say about it. I will warn you, I will only talk about negatives, as I have trouble pointing out positive things in general. It doesn't mean what you have here is that bad, it means I'm only pointing out the things you could improve in my opinion that I noticed.

My advice for that sort of thing is, first, don't describe any details, at least not in narration. You don't have the problem of overdescribing things from what I see, but it's important. You can bring some up in dialogue, but when you're narrating a story, the more details you bring up, the more details you need to make sure you have right and don't mess up later up. The more specific you are at the beginning, the less freedom you leave yourself for later, where it's important to have the leeway to be able to explain things and add details as you need them.

Second thing, it really helps to specify some point of view you're describing the city from. Your first example isn't bad, but the other two suffer from something I like to call historian's point of view (not sure if it has a proper name). Basically, it's not anchored anywhere, as if you were an observer describing what you see from above, everywhere at once. This can sometimes be useful, but it doesn't engage readers, often feels like an info dump, and often generalizes too much - a city isn't a homogeneous object, it's got many parts that differ massively from each other, and trying to describe them all, as I said in the above paragraph, takes way too much time and is generally a bad idea.

Another, probably much more engaging and interesting way is to describe only what's relevant to the characters, without any specific details.

What's related to this is the order in which you talk about things. Or lack thereof, in your case.

2.Belthon was much grander than Cardino Port. The atmosphere was that of a massive festival, everywhere you looked something was happening. The ambient chatter and music brought the city to life. Buildings stood as mountains piercing the sky, with the streets flooded with people who navigated their way through the chaos easily.

First you talk about atmosphere and ambient sounds, as if you were an observer in the middle of the city, then abruptly move to tall buildings piercing the sky, then again down to people navigating their way through the chaos. It's not a mistake per se, but it helps if you move in order, ideally coming closer and closer, starting from the distance as the characters ride the train all the way to walking through the city and describing how it looks up close.

(This rule also applies in first person when you describe only what the character sees, but in both cases it can be broken; there just should be a reason for that, for example a character pointing out something for others to see.)

This here, I also want to point out, I think is another example of being too general. The people navigating the chaos bit, which feels like it's not a description of the city, but should be an observation. You could insert it somewhere further into the story as the characters feel lost in the massive city that feels like a maze to them and wonder that all people around them seem to move with confidence and ease. Then it's an observation of a small area, not the general city. You could also write that as they were approaching the city, they noticed a huge number of peolpe milling about, but you can't tell from that distance, looking at the whole city, that they're navigating it with ease.

And last thing from me, I know you said not to mind the grammar, but I'm gonna say it anyway for completion's sake, you use a bit too much "was/were", plus there's a weird shift in the tense somewhere in the third example. Consider, for example, this:

Belthon was much grander than Cardino Port. [...] Buildings stood as mountains piercing the sky, with the streets flooded with people who navigated their way through the chaos easily.

Can be turned into this:
Belthon, [something], gave off a much grander impression than Cardino Port; the buildings in its center stood tall and imposing like mountains piercing the sky, and the wide streets flooded with people, both locals and those of exotic origins.

Dunno if my version is strictly better, but the point is, try not to use was/were as much as you did there. It feels bland and uninteresting then. I used more and more varied linking words, which should make the thing read more interesting and smoother.

 

[JadieAlissia]

I think those descriptions sounds interesting!

Though I wonder what perspective these are meant to be viewed from. If it's first perspective I think it would be nice to include some "personality" of whoever is describing it, think of things they might uniquely notice. If it's third person, it's a bit harder but would depend on what sort of "personality" your narrator has, if that makes sense. E.g. though Terry Pratchett's Discworld books are in third person, the narrator has a lot of personality (you can read a sample of the first few pages online for free if you haven't read it and want to know what I am talking about).

So for example, a doctor may notice dirt or unhygenic/unsafe things, a young child may notice toys or candy. My examples are a bit generic but I hope they help explain what I mean.

 

[HungrySheep]

Out of the given examples, 2 is best in my opinion. The vast majority of readers do not care about descriptions of cities or objects and would prefer something brief so they can get right back into the power fantasy. This is upsetting to authors, but it is the reality.

 

[J_Chemist]

Carefully.

 

[KingMusa]

Okay, so I've got a bit to say about it. I will warn you, I will only talk about negatives, as I have trouble pointing out positive things in general. It doesn't mean what you have here is that bad, it means I'm only pointing out the things you could improve in my opinion that I noticed.

My advice for that sort of thing is, first, don't describe any details, at least not in narration. You don't have the problem of overdescribing things from what I see, but it's important. You can bring some up in dialogue, but when you're narrating a story, the more details you bring up, the more details you need to make sure you have right and don't mess up later up. The more specific you are at the beginning, the less freedom you leave yourself for later, where it's important to have the leeway to be able to explain things and add details as you need them.

Second thing, it really helps to specify some point of view you're describing the city from. Your first example isn't bad, but the other two suffer from something I like to call historian's point of view (not sure if it has a proper name). Basically, it's not anchored anywhere, as if you were an observer describing what you see from above, everywhere at once. This can sometimes be useful, but it doesn't engage readers, often feels like an info dump, and often generalizes too much - a city isn't a homogeneous object, it's got many parts that differ massively from each other, and trying to describe them all, as I said in the above paragraph, takes way too much time and is generally a bad idea.

Another, probably much more engaging and interesting way is to describe only what's relevant to the characters, without any specific details.

What's related to this is the order in which you talk about things. Or lack thereof, in your case.

First you talk about atmosphere and ambient sounds, as if you were an observer in the middle of the city, then abruptly move to tall buildings piercing the sky, then again down to people navigating their way through the chaos. It's not a mistake per se, but it helps if you move in order, ideally coming closer and closer, starting from the distance as the characters ride the train all the way to walking through the city and describing how it looks up close.

(This rule also applies in first person when you describe only what the character sees, but in both cases it can be broken; there just should be a reason for that, for example a character pointing out something for others to see.)

This here, I also want to point out, I think is another example of being too general. The people navigating the chaos bit, which feels like it's not a description of the city, but should be an observation. You could insert it somewhere further into the story as the characters feel lost in the massive city that feels like a maze to them and wonder that all people around them seem to move with confidence and ease. Then it's an observation of a small area, not the general city. You could also write that as they were approaching the city, they noticed a huge number of peolpe milling about, but you can't tell from that distance, looking at the whole city, that they're navigating it with ease.

And last thing from me, I know you said not to mind the grammar, but I'm gonna say it anyway for completion's sake, you use a bit too much "was/were", plus there's a weird shift in the tense somewhere in the third example. Consider, for example, this:


Can be turned into this:
Belthon, [something], gave off a much grander impression than Cardino Port; the buildings in its center stood tall and imposing like mountains piercing the sky, and the wide streets flooded with people, both locals and those of exotic origins.

Dunno if my version is strictly better, but the point is, try not to use was/were as much as you did there. It feels bland and uninteresting then. I used more and more varied linking words, which should make the thing read more interesting and smoother.

Thanks a lot, this really helped. If I'm understanding correctly, I should use narration to give an outline of the city, then use what the characters, see and hear, or even feel, to describe the relevant details in dialogue or character action.

Thank You!

I think those descriptions sounds interesting!

Though I wonder what perspective these are meant to be viewed from. If it's first perspective I think it would be nice to include some "personality" of whoever is describing it, think of things they might uniquely notice. If it's third person, it's a bit harder but would depend on what sort of "personality" your narrator has, if that makes sense. E.g. though Terry Pratchett's Discworld books are in third person, the narrator has a lot of personality (you can read a sample of the first few pages online for free if you haven't read it and want to know what I am talking about).

So for example, a doctor may notice dirt or unhygenic/unsafe things, a young child may notice toys or candy. My examples are a bit generic but I hope they help explain what I mean.

Thank You, your explanation helped.
Using the character's personality and perspective to describe certain details in a setting would make the description smoother for the authors as well as make the characters more interesting

 

[Sylver]

I recently introduced a new setting in my story, that being a city full of diverse species and cultures where trade and marketing is the main source of profit, which is self-explanatory as the city is named Kershin Market haha

Describing the setting is pretty neat but I find that the more description you add to it, the harder it gets for the audience to follow. The visuals are difficult to convey through text because this isn't a movie, and part about writing is allowing the reader to convey the image through their own imagination. You want people to fill in the blanks for the image you are trying to convey in a manner that fits right for them, assuming they are invested in the story that is. This is why I believe when visual adaptations of written novels are added, be it a series or movie adaptation, you get the usual response of people saying that they imagined this character or this setting looked different in the text. Everyone has their own idea of what the visuals are, not just the author.

Focus on a theme, that's what I do for settings! My advice: Describe your setting in two sentences or less, then write it down. A lot of places have their own features in fictional writing. For example, would you say your village focuses on water and aquatic systems for their ecosystem and way of life? Add some lakes, rivers, or water streams and watermills while mentioning how people rely on fishing and catching crabs or other aquatic life for food/trading. Or is your setting in a desolate, humid desert environment? Make it a sandy area or mention how the inhabitants wear little clothing due to the humidity or heat, maybe they have darker pigmented skin as well?

It's the little details that make the bigger impact, just don't add too many or you may find it exhausting to stay consistent in future writing should the setting play a large role in your story.

I hope my advice helped!

 

[KingMusa]

I recently introduced a new setting in my story, that being a city full of diverse species and cultures where trade and marketing is the main source of profit, which is self-explanatory as the city is named Kershin Market haha

Describing the setting is pretty neat but I find that the more description you add to it, the harder it gets for the audience to follow. The visuals are difficult to convey through text because this isn't a movie, and part about writing is allowing the reader to convey the image through their own imagination. You want people to fill in the blanks for the image you are trying to convey in a manner that fits right for them, assuming they are invested in the story that is. This is why I believe when visual adaptations of written novels are added, be it a series or movie adaptation, you get the usual response of people saying that they imagined this character or this setting looked different in the text. Everyone has their own idea of what the visuals are, not just the author.

Focus on a theme, that's what I do for settings! My advice: Describe your setting in two sentences or less, then write it down. A lot of places have their own features in fictional writing. For example, would you say your village focuses on water and aquatic systems for their ecosystem and way of life? Add some lakes, rivers, or water streams and watermills while mentioning how people rely on fishing and catching crabs or other aquatic life for food/trading. Or is your setting in a desolate, humid desert environment? Make it a sandy area or mention how the inhabitants wear little clothing due to the humidity or heat, maybe they have darker pigmented skin as well?

It's the little details that make the bigger impact, just don't add too many or you may find it exhausting to stay consistent in future writing should the setting play a large role in your story.

I hope my advice helped!

Thank You for the Advice!! I understand what your saying, and ill be sure to take keep it in mind when writing my next setting

 

[Islorae]

To be honest, I am not Tolkien by any means. I prefer to give a generic description with one or two detailed elements (to make it unique and stand out) but then I like to let my reader fill in the blanks. I only do this because as an avid reader of traditional books myself I find the most engrossing ones are where I as the reader get to make the story in my head. "Think Dresden files. His apartment is explained in detail you would think. What it really comes down to is old furniture, a cat, a trapdoor and big metal door on the apartment." They talk about it through several books but if you look back you actually realize they never once went into intricate detail but somehow my mind had done just that. This is just my 2 cents.

 

[KingMusa]

To be honest, I am not Tolkien by any means. I prefer to give a generic description with one or two detailed elements (to make it unique and stand out) but then I like to let my reader fill in the blanks. I only do this because as an avid reader of traditional books myself I find the most engrossing ones are where I as the reader get to make the story in my head. "Think Dresden files. His apartment is explained in detail you would think. What it really comes down to is old furniture, a cat, a trapdoor and big metal door on the apartment." They talk about it through several books but if you look back you actually realize they never once went into intricate detail but somehow my mind had done just that. This is just my 2 cents.

Thank you for your 2 cent. It really helped