How does this sound to you?

[doravg]

Note, I just want advice, since I am starting a new novel today. This is under no circumstances an add for a story or anything. Just bouncing ideas off you all.

Ok, I know this is done before (even by me), but how does this sound to you:

1. Weak F ranked Adventurer joins a party. But they are all F ranked.
@NineHeadHeavenDevouringSerpent pointed out they were having it too easy. Lack of depth. The comedic undertones are a must. Not everyone can find it in themselves to laugh when their world goes to the shitter, despite their best efforts. That would show the strong character of the characters.

Edit>First loss, F rank instead of D and above rank.

2. They need to do quests to advance, but no one wants to give them more than house sitting, so they get jobs at various businesses around town. You know, to make ends meet.

@TsumiHokiro made some good points about the inconsistency with how the quests are handed out. Possible hints I can add to make sure the readers understand:

Edit>So F rank-House sitting, dog walking, still trainees for the most part in all but name. Then, when the members get to D rank, they can party with someone from a higher rank, who will take them on D level quests> goblin extermination, dungeon harvesting. From then on, they are full members.

3. They save up all their money to get into time rooms (Basically a place where 10 hours inside are 1 second in the real world.)

Second loss: One of the members can't afford to pitch in. Wants to leave, but the party works extra hard. They get mocked, since they are the only F ranked party in the guild.

4. They struggle because time rooms are very expensive, and have to live off PJ sandwiches.

Edit>Third loss: Show that they are experiencing hunger pains. Make sure that one or more of them losses their rented room. Make them live in the forest by a stream if you have to, but put them through a grinder and make them close.

5. ( I go to great length to develop their friendship and romances)

Edit>Mocking by guild members intensifies. Make it so that it is not because the guild members are a*holes, but because the guild is competitive, and the country has inflation.

6. They are finally allowed to retake the entrance test, but one of them doesn't pass, since he is fat. (But only because of that. He is a good alchemist, and can brew potions like no other. Also, he can run short distances. (Yes, it is the MC))

7. The party says to hell with the guild, and then they become freelance adventurers. (The taxes they had to pay as part of the guild ate up like 50% of their income.)

Edit: @So_Indecisive pointed out that they will have troubles getting quests.

Possible solution: Bounty hunting and illegal dungeon delving. Herb collecting for potions, animal harvesting for rare materials. Maybe some odd jobs here and there on farms. (Show desperate struggle!!!!)

Edit>Add in some hungry nights in the rain/snow/desert/dungeon if you have to! Make sure that at least one of them thinks about quitting, but let it not be the MC. Screen time for everyone!!!!!

8. Traveling through the world ensures, many quests are done, the fat MC losses all the weight because he has to walk like 12 hours per day. (And as someone who lost 4 kg in three weeks just from walking and a strict regime of no snacking between meals, I can say it is possible.)

Edit>Potential loss> They get stuck in a town working a day job, and the MC gains back some of his weight. Make him go closer to ML. Make the party huddle up. Have them save the town they are in because there is no one else there. They MAKE themselves a name that way.

9. A sickness strikes their Hometown. The guild master of the guild asks the MC to find a cure.

10. MC is under pressure, but he helps the people. Then he refuses to take money, and instead he makes it clear, that the money should be given to the people who remain in the hometown.

11. His ML love interest proposes him marriage. All the others want a shared wedding.

12. Happy End Point. Last POV MC.

So, do you think it would be enough for something that is book length? Note, these are the key plot points, and not an outline of every chapter.

Thank you for your help! =)

 

[So_Indecisive]

Wouldn't the adventurers guild take offense to people stealing their business, also I'm very sure the purpose of adventurer guilds in stories was to provide information on the danger of the quest( You know like making sure a kobold extermination doesn't lead to a dragon's nest) and they also helped you connect to clients.
I don't believe some random F class nobodies has what it takes to inspire confidence in clients (who no doubt would rather just post requests at the adventurer's guild) and is there any member of the MC's party who has the connections to allow them to come in contact with high paying quests because in that case the only people who'd commission them are the poor ghosts.

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Sounds like a plan.
If there's one thing, this bird would worry, or rather, does not understand is how they're spending so much money on "time skip" improvements, but that's up to you to explain the price in your universe.

 

[So_Indecisive]

Wouldn't the adventurers guild take offense to people stealing their business, also I'm very sure the purpose of adventurer guilds in stories was to provide information on the danger of the quest( You know like making sure a kobold extermination doesn't lead to a dragon's nest) and they also helped you connect to clients.
I don't believe some random F class nobodies has what it takes to inspire confidence in clients (who no doubt would rather just post requests at the adventurer's guild) and is there any member of the MC's party who has the connections to allow them to come in contact with high paying quests because in that case the only people who'd commission them are the poor ghosts.

I don't know if it'll be enough for a novel, hell I haven't even got past chapter 7 of my own book so I am clearly a poor judge of that

 

[doravg]

Wouldn't the adventurers guild take offense to people stealing their business, also I'm very sure the purpose of adventurer guilds in stories was to provide information on the danger of the quest( You know like making sure a kobold extermination doesn't lead to a dragon's nest) and they also helped you connect to clients.
I don't believe some random F class nobodies has what it takes to inspire confidence in clients (who no doubt would rather just post requests at the adventurer's guild) and is there any member of the MC's party who has the connections to allow them to come in contact with high paying quests because in that case the only people who'd commission them are the poor ghosts.

I was thinking they could start with bounty hunting for stuff too low profile to get paid enough for a guild to take care of it. You do make excellent points about them having problems with the quest taking. I will think about it during my walk.

Thanks! =)

 

[Indicterra]

That's is not not one can tell for this just an idea or a plan of a story if you will.

Everything depends on your Execution, A poor execution can make even a brilliant idea into tragedy

And great Execution can make the blandest concept into a masterpiece

 

[doravg]

Sounds like a plan.
If there's one thing, this bird would worry is about how it does not understand how you're spending so much money on "time skip" improvements, but that's up to you to explain the price in your universe.

Thank you! Do you see things which might not make sense? @So_Indecisive already pointed out that they will have trouble finding jobs. What did you see that stuck out to you?

 

[TsumiHokiro]

Thank you! Do you see things which might not make sense? @So_Indecisive already pointed out that they will have trouble finding jobs. What did you see that stuck out to you?

Since you've asked...

A guild should be the one managing contracts, not the adventure parties themselves, specially if they're people who are so unknown. It makes little sense for people to gather in a system which is designed to review the quality of its members so that all services offered reach minimum standard (This is what Guilds were meant to be historically). Therefore, beginners which were accepted (This means they are full members, not trainees) would never have problem finding job which their abilities were up for (so long these jobs were being offered).

Of course, this is up to you, as the author, to define what a Guild is, but from this bird's understanding, since they qualify for the "F Rank", the guild itself, as an intermediate of quality assurance, would assure clients that these adventures possess the qualification to do their job.

All in all, you have a good plan which can be easily turned into a book. Since you had asked for if this looks like a book worth script, this bird would answer simply as so, but if you're asking for this bird nitpickiness, do consider then with grains of salt. It's up to you as an author to decide how detailed you'd like to go or forgo these stuff, and consider this just as a consideration and not something that "does not make sense". You could approach guilds more historically focused or with a more modern understanding depending on what kind of view you're looking for.

 

[NineHeadHeavenDevouringSerpent]

6. They are finally allowed to retake the entrance test, but one of them doesn't pass, since he is fat. (But only because of that. He is a good alchemist, and can brew potions like no other. Also, he can run short distances. (Yes, it is the MC))

If he wasn't mc, would you still have made them quit their guilds? Surprised to find mc that isn't chiseled out of the Greek pantheon...

8. Traveling through the world ensures, many quests are done, the fat MC losses all the weight because he has to walk like 12 hours per day. (And as someone who lost 4 kg in three weeks just from walking and a strict regime of no snacking between meals, I can say it is possible.)

You could make him buff like a body builder physic so instead of just losing fat and having drastic changes to appearance, he'll get to retain his familiar presence while also being fit. I mean I don't think they'll run out meat rations anytime soon in the wild as adventurers.

9. A sickness strikes their Hometown. The guild master of the guild asks the MC to find a cure.

No demon lord to quell? No church of light hiding heinous schemes of mass sacrifice in the name of their gods? What is this madness?! XD welp, still it does come off as a very side-quest-y for an epilogue. Maybe this is a slice of life novel ?

11. His ML love interest proposes him marriage. All the others want a shared wedding.

12. Happy End Point. Last POV MC.

Ah ok, so slice of life. I'm not well versed in this genre, but I feel what brings a story like this rooted in realism up a notch is.... brokenness.

Add a loss, maybe some horrible fights between them that change the dynamics of their relationship, yet they come back at the end cause their bonds transcends the past trauma.

To treasure something, you have to first lose it.

Right now this looks very very light-hearted with nothing to expect. Maybe you could go into comedy? But that's a knack not many have, if you do than hell yeah! Tag me when you release it, I don't get many truly humourous ones :(

 

[doravg]

Since you've asked...

A guild should be the one managing contracts, not the adventure parties themselves, specially if they're people who are so unknown. It makes little sense for people to gather in a system which is designed to review the quality of its members so that all services offered reach minimum standard (This is what Guilds were meant to be historically). Therefore, beginners which were accepted (This means they are full members, not trainees) would never have problem finding job which their abilities were up for (so long these jobs were being offered).

Of course, this is up to you, as the author, to define what a Guild is, but from this bird's understanding, since they qualify for the "F Rank", the guild itself, as an intermediate of quality assurance, would assure clients that these adventures possess the qualification to do their job.

All in all, you have a good plan which can be easily turned into a book. Since you had asked for if this looks like a book worth script, this bird would answer simply as so, but if you're asking for this bird nitpickiness, do consider then with grains of salt. It's up to you as an author to decide how detailed you'd like to go or forgo these stuff, and consider this just as a consideration and not something that "does not make sense". You could approach guilds more historically focused or with a more modern understanding depending on what kind of view you're looking for.

I was thinking something along those lines during my walk as well. So F rank-House sitting, dog walking, still trainees for the most part in all but name. Then, when the members get to D rank, they can party with someone from a higher rank, who will take them on D level quests> goblin extermination, dungeon harvesting. From then on, they are full members.

 

[TsumiHokiro]

I was thinking something along those lines during my walk as well. So F rank-House sitting, dog walking, still trainees for the most part in all but name. Then, when the members get to D rank, they can party with someone from a higher rank, who will take them on D level quests> goblin extermination, dungeon harvesting. From then on, they are full members.

That's a fine way of explaining the "Apprenticeship" and "Create your own work to be a Full member" steps that artist guilds used to have.

 

[doravg]

If he wasn't mc, would you still have made them quit their guilds? Surprised to find mc that isn't chiseled out of the Greek pantheon...



You could make him buff like a body builder physic so instead of just losing fat and having drastic changes to appearance, he'll get to retain his familiar presence while also being fit. I mean I don't think they'll run out meat rations anytime soon in the wild as adventurers.



No demon lord to quell? No church of light hiding heinous schemes of mass sacrifice in the name of their gods? What is this madness?! XD welp, still it does come off as a very side-quest-y for an epilogue. Maybe this is a slice of life novel ?



Ah ok, so slice of life. I'm not well versed in this genre, but I feel what brings a story like this rooted in realism up a notch is.... brokenness.

Add a loss, maybe some horrible fights between them that change the dynamics of their relationship, yet they come back at the end cause their bonds transcends the past trauma.

To treasure something, you have to first lose it.

Right now this looks very very light-hearted with nothing to expect. Maybe you could go into comedy? But that's a knack not many have, if you do than hell yeah! Tag me when you release it, I don't get many truly humourous ones :(

Good points, good points. So, I will need to work really hard on their friendship. The thing about making the MC becoming a bodybuilder is that I don't know how one becomes a body builder. But yeah, even if it wasn't the MC, their bonds should be so good by the first big plot point where they take the exam, that it will be an all for one, one for all deal.

What is wrong with comedies? I love me a good laugh, and the former story I wrote was sort of drama and very back and fort relationship filled. I need a palate cleanser.

As for the story, this is not an advertisement for it. And it will be in German, so I don't know if you will be interested. Most of my readers are language learners. You see, one German e-book costs about 5 Euro, and these are the low-hanging fruit. I am practicing anyway every day, and would have loved it, if I had a source to free reading material when I first started learning German. Well, before I found out about readfy, that is. What I had back then was just fanfiction.de. This way I return to the community.

As for the loss... yes, I think that I will need to have some curveballs. Good point there.

 

[NineHeadHeavenDevouringSerpent]

Good points, good points. So, I will need to work really hard on their friendship. The thing about making the MC becoming a bodybuilder is that I don't know how one becomes a body builder. But yeah, even if it wasn't the MC, their bonds should be so good by the first big plot point where they take the exam, that it will be an all for one, one for all deal.

What is wrong with comedies? I love me a good laugh, and the former story I wrote was sort of drama and very back and fort relationship filled. I need a palate cleanser.

As for the story, this is not an advertisement for it. And it will be in German, so I don't know if you will be interested. Most of my readers are language learners. You see, one German e-book costs about 5 Euro, and these are the low-hanging fruit. I am practicing anyway every day, and would have loved it, if I had a source to free reading material when I first started learning German. Well, before I found out about readfy, that is. What I had back then was just fanfiction.de. This way I return to the community.

As for the loss... yes, I think that I will need to have some curveballs. Good point there.

German? Idk German :(

I don't think I said comedy is bad XD, it is just hard to pull it off and very subjective. it could either be a hit or a miss, even ones you think was your best punchline might just get "meh" or not even recognised as an intended joke XD

Maybe I'll Google translate your work and read.
Es scheint bei mir zu funktionieren, ich weiß nicht, wie viel Sinn ich zu diesem Zeitpunkt mache. Ich wünsche Ihnen jedoch viel Glück beim Schreiben und hoffe, dass Sie viele Leser finden

 

[doravg]

Ok, now I have something to work with! Many thanks to you all. Drafting time!

German? Idk German :(

I don't think I said comedy is bad XD, it is just hard to pull it off and very subjective. it could either be a hit or a miss, even ones you think was your best punchline might just get "meh" or not even recognised as an intended joke XD

Maybe I'll Google translate your work and read.
Es scheint bei mir zu funktionieren, ich weiß nicht, wie viel Sinn ich zu diesem Zeitpunkt mache. Ich wünsche Ihnen jedoch viel Glück beim Schreiben und hoffe, dass Sie viele Leser finden

Yes, Google Translate is ok. Some of my readers use it. I got a bookmark in Spanish, I think, for one of my German stories. But then again, the reader could have been a German learner.