I need your help again

[Mighty]

I need your help again in imagining the scene in this part of the story:
Suddenly, a man appears behind us, wearing a black cloak and bearing scars all over his body. This is my first encounter with this man, but my instincts tell me otherwise.


"Well, I didn't expect to find both of you here. You made my job much easier. Let's not waste any more time. Surrender, and I will not harm you, slaves."


Slaves? Wait, does that mean the little girl was right when she said we were both slaves on the run?


But my question was quickly answered when I looked at the little girl's face beside me. The look on his face suggested that she was scared, and I noticed that her entire body was slightly shaking.


As I was contemplating what to do about the situation, I felt a sharp pain in my cheeks and heard the little girl scream.


"Your cheeks are bleeding, brother!"


"WHAT?"


When I quickly touch my cheeks with my finger, do I notice blood on them?


"That is a warning. Next time I will not fail, so choose wisely," he says.


I didn't even see him throw his knife at me. What if he didn't miss on purpose? Just thinking about it sends chills down my spine.


Only now did I realize how dangerous this situation was and how dangerous this person was.

also, how can I write an explosion sound thx

 

[TotallyHuman]

 

[MajorKerina]

Boom? Kapow. Kablewie. Ptchow. Psssshhhhaaaaacchaaaaaaaaaddddoooom

If you don’t want to go with onomatopoeia then describing the sensory details should be fine

 

[Maldon]

I agree with MajorKerina.

Also I quickly checked your profile to check what are asking for, since I felt there's some context missing from your post, and it seems you have a lot of threads about asking for this scene, or at least that's what it looks like at a glance.
I'd suggest that you either have more confidence in your own writing, or to just abandon this scene if you're having that much trouble writting it, since it's clearly not working for you.

 

[CrownedTraitor]

I suggest you to be more proactive next time in taking advice because there are genuine people here who want to help yet you don't give them a response. Doing this again will result in you having a bad reputation.

 

[Mighty]

I am deeply sorry about my actions and thank you for your help answering my questions it's not that it's just that I want to make my writing readable and not hard and annoying to read novel so I use forum to get advice on what's wrong with my work or writing and my language is not English so I have a hard time figuring out my own work.

 

[DarkGodEM]

 

[Maldon]

I am deeply sorry about my actions and thank you for your help answering my questions it's not that it's just that I want to make my writing readable and not hard and annoying to read novel so I use forum to get advice on what's wrong with my work or writing and my language is not English so I have a hard time figuring out my own work.

Nothing wrong with that, english is also my second language (I'm mexican) and I also started writing to improve my english.
I'm just pointing out that making multiple threads for the same scene is not the best idea, and I also think that polishing the same scene so much could be bordering on procrastination, you eventually have to be confident about your work.