Insighter V.2.0.

[Alseki.]

Hello there traveller,
What is it that you search for?
Are you here to gain insight into your work,
To know how to improve and be sure?
Then this is the right place for you to lurk,
For I also wish to expand my horizons.

I still seek to improve my analysis skills and diversify my platter with otherwise quirky unorthodox stories I wouldn't have bothered checking out.

So whether you believe your story to be a dumpster fire or an elegant masterpiece, and whatever you aim your story to be in-between and beyond, feel free to link it up here. I would love to check out all the different adventures that ultimately shaped your work into existence, and hopefully help you improve upon them.

A feedback is a two-way conversation, so let us talk together.

This is my second feedback thread, I failed to deliver some requests the last time around, but hopefully, this time it will be a bit different.

When you reply with your story, if you can, just let me know what your aim is with the story, your motives, reasons, or whatever you think I should focus on while reading.


I cannot comment on whether my feedback will be valuable or not, but I can assure you that it will be earnest and methodical.

Have a nice writing day

 

[AdOtherwise]

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into this fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

I don't know what the aim is, one day I just decided to write and went from there. I've revised and revised the early chapters but ultimately I would just worry about if things are making sense and the writing is decent. Can't catch every error.

Thank you for your future insight.

 

[Wallflower]

Hello there traveller,
What is it that you search for?
Are you here to gain insight into your work,
To know how to improve and be sure?
Then this is the right place for you to lurk,
For I also wish to expand my horizons.

I still seek to improve my analysis skills and diversify my platter with otherwise quirky unorthodox stories I wouldn't have bothered checking out.

So whether you believe your story to be a dumpster fire or an elegant masterpiece, and whatever you aim your story to be in-between and beyond, feel free to link it up here. I would love to check out all the different adventures that ultimately shaped your work into existence, and hopefully help you improve upon them.

A feedback is a two-way conversation, so let us talk together.

This is my second feedback thread, I failed to deliver some requests the last time around, but hopefully, this time it will be a bit different.

When you reply with your story, if you can, just let me know what your aim is with the story, your motives, reasons, or whatever you think I should focus on while reading.


I cannot comment on whether my feedback will be valuable or not, but I can assure you that it will be earnest and methodical.

Have a nice writing day

hii~
I'll really appreciate the future feedback <333

Veiled Machinations

In a dimly lit room, Augustus, a crown prince, is subjected to a nightmarish ordeal at the hands of the sadistic Ryker, the enemy kingdom's crown prince. Bound and humiliated, Augustus faces an agonizing struggle between defiance and submission. Ryker, reveling in his control, pushes...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[harrydouthwaite]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/749073/feelings-and-fondness/'

Here is my story. My aim with it is to provide an insight into being neurodivergent, but not knowing it. All the feelings and emotions of thinking almost the whole world is against you, despite just being yourself.

So far I've polished as far as the eleventh chapter. I should have the last chapter done as well before long.

 

[Alseki.]

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into this fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

I don't know what the aim is, one day I just decided to write and went from there. I've revised and revised the early chapters but ultimately I would just worry about if things are making sense and the writing is decent. Can't catch every error.

Thank you for your future insight.

Right off the bat, I can notice that you have put love and care into your story. That is always a win, and perhaps the most appreciated feature about a story by any reader.

The world-building is excellent as well, both descriptive and non-overwhelming. It is impressive how you can joggle around with multiple aspects of a story and inculcate them into a single paragraph or flow. World building, character description, and theme, all are well integrated which tells me that the story was well thought out.

Before moving on, let me clarify a few things. I only read your first few chapters, and then just to be more round-off and relevant I read the latest chapters. Since there is a long gap between them, I figured it would also serve to be a good testament to the growth of the writer.

Now, I assume that much more time was invested in the initial chapter and that they have been edited quite frequently, and also that without knowing the preceding story and characteristics of the latest chapters it would be difficult to appreciate them fully, but despite that, I felt a gap in quality.

Not a significant or irredeemable one, but an apparent one. But I also felt with an investment of a little more time and effort it could be improved.

Another thing I might as well add, take everything I say with a mountain of salt since I am by no means professional, and much more inexperienced than you in terms of writing. I am just trying to list my insights and observations as a reader.

With that out of the way, I don't reckon you need any improvements in the grammar, syntax, and literature front since the story is coherent while being decently, and more importantly, correctly vocabulary-dense.

Be it former chapters or latter, I did not find much flaws in grammar or comprehensiveness despite feeling the story should have been more complex due to the fact it deals with multiple concepts simultaneously, which may be perhaps in part due to the fact I am too familiar with the tropes presented on the story though. But at the end of the day, it was lucid.

Building upon my former statements, I think the biggest difference I saw was in terms of structuring. I think the structure of the initial chapters to be impressive, whilst the latest ones seemed a bit more random with dialogues, information, and paragraph placement.

I also noticed a lack of humor, but that may be just me personally or maybe it does not fit the tone of the latter chapters, I can not be sure. Instead of humour actually, I would say more like the wit was less sharper.

Story-wise, as far as I can tell, I don't think there is much to point out (not that I can comment much on account of how little I read relatively). The pacing seems to be done well, the descriptiveness does not seem daunting albeit sometimes feels questionable.

In all, great writing! I will try to follow your story! Feel free to question on whatever you want me to press more in-depth on, after all, a review is a conversation.

To the others, sorry for my slow pace lol. I will try to do one review one week.

Thank you!

 

[Paul_Tromba]

Hello there traveller,
What is it that you search for?
Are you here to gain insight into your work,
To know how to improve and be sure?
Then this is the right place for you to lurk,
For I also wish to expand my horizons.

I still seek to improve my analysis skills and diversify my platter with otherwise quirky unorthodox stories I wouldn't have bothered checking out.

So whether you believe your story to be a dumpster fire or an elegant masterpiece, and whatever you aim your story to be in-between and beyond, feel free to link it up here. I would love to check out all the different adventures that ultimately shaped your work into existence, and hopefully help you improve upon them.

A feedback is a two-way conversation, so let us talk together.

This is my second feedback thread, I failed to deliver some requests the last time around, but hopefully, this time it will be a bit different.

When you reply with your story, if you can, just let me know what your aim is with the story, your motives, reasons, or whatever you think I should focus on while reading.


I cannot comment on whether my feedback will be valuable or not, but I can assure you that it will be earnest and methodical.

Have a nice writing day

Would you have any problem with reading from a google doc?

 

[Alseki.]

Would you have any problem with reading from a google doc?

No, that will not be an issue.

 

[Paul_Tromba]

No, that will not be an issue.

Alright, give me a moment. I was hoping you wouldn't mind taking a look but it is a bit long.

The Supernatural case of an accidental time traveler Vol. 1 prologue & chapter 1

docs.google.com

 

[AdOtherwise]

Right off the bat, I can notice that you have put love and care into your story. That is always a win, and perhaps the most appreciated feature about a story by any reader.

The world-building is excellent as well, both descriptive and non-overwhelming. It is impressive how you can joggle around with multiple aspects of a story and inculcate them into a single paragraph or flow. World building, character description, and theme, all are well integrated which tells me that the story was well thought out.

Before moving on, let me clarify a few things. I only read your first few chapters, and then just to be more round-off and relevant I read the latest chapters. Since there is a long gap between them, I figured it would also serve to be a good testament to the growth of the writer.

Now, I assume that much more time was invested in the initial chapter and that they have been edited quite frequently, and also that without knowing the preceding story and characteristics of the latest chapters it would be difficult to appreciate them fully, but despite that, I felt a gap in quality.

Not a significant or irredeemable one, but an apparent one. But I also felt with an investment of a little more time and effort it could be improved.

Another thing I might as well add, take everything I say with a mountain of salt since I am by no means professional, and much more inexperienced than you in terms of writing. I am just trying to list my insights and observations as a reader.

With that out of the way, I don't reckon you need any improvements in the grammar, syntax, and literature front since the story is coherent while being decently, and more importantly, correctly vocabulary-dense.

Be it former chapters or latter, I did not find much flaws in grammar or comprehensiveness despite feeling the story should have been more complex due to the fact it deals with multiple concepts simultaneously, which may be perhaps in part due to the fact I am too familiar with the tropes presented on the story though. But at the end of the day, it was lucid.

Building upon my former statements, I think the biggest difference I saw was in terms of structuring. I think the structure of the initial chapters to be impressive, whilst the latest ones seemed a bit more random with dialogues, information, and paragraph placement.

I also noticed a lack of humor, but that may be just me personally or maybe it does not fit the tone of the latter chapters, I can not be sure. Instead of humour actually, I would say more like the wit was less sharper.

Story-wise, as far as I can tell, I don't think there is much to point out (not that I can comment much on account of how little I read relatively). The pacing seems to be done well, the descriptiveness does not seem daunting albeit sometimes feels questionable.

In all, great writing! I will try to follow your story! Feel free to question on whatever you want me to press more in-depth on, after all, a review is a conversation.

To the others, sorry for my slow pace lol. I will try to do one review one week.

Thank you!

Thank you greatly for the in-depth review. I do admit the recent chapters have been missing something. I've had less time to write than before, and I also started another project that I'm slowly working on. I can understand the structuring of dialogue because I've gotten comments about there not being enough of it so I've tried ramping that up a lot.

As for the structuring of information and paragraph placement, I would love your insight more in that field. As for Lack of humor, there is indeed less and it is for tone.

Again, thank you so much for the review and I would love to hear more about the structural problem of mine. Though as I said, I suspect it's just due to me cramming chapters together so I can keep up with my upload schedule.

 

[Mythrnl]

Hi, What do you think about my story:

The Young Master is the Last Villain

It's a new start of old adventure. With twisted storylines. The Heavens have been breached, the System will control everything. But the cost was too high for the old foggies. And the new generation will fight for Supremacy. Or not. Maybe it was all according to the Older Masters. For...

www.scribblehub.com

Aim: Characters. Are they good? Do you like them, Should I add more character dialog style or quirks?

And Is the Cliffhanger Working?

 

[Alski]

 

[Alseki.]

Thank you greatly for the in-depth review. I do admit the recent chapters have been missing something. I've had less time to write than before, and I also started another project that I'm slowly working on. I can understand the structuring of dialogue because I've gotten comments about there not being enough of it so I've tried ramping that up a lot.

As for the structuring of information and paragraph placement, I would love your insight more in that field. As for Lack of humor, there is indeed less and it is for tone.

Again, thank you so much for the review and I would love to hear more about the structural problem of mine. Though as I said, I suspect it's just due to me cramming chapters together so I can keep up with my upload schedule.

Honestly, it wasn't very in-depth.

I just didn't find much that I thought needed to change, at least without influencing what I consider to be your writing style, something that I didn't want to hamper.

Regarding the restructuring, what I noticed is that the earlier chapters' paragraphs differentiate the flow of information.

In the latest chapter, the flow seemed a bit random. Like how at some places it felt the information that should have been included in the previous paragraph got cut short early into the next one, making reading a bit more confusing.

Nothing major. To dive deeper into specifics, I will be required to quote the story, something I don't want to do on this thread to avoid unintended spoilers so perhaps we can move on to DMs.

@Wallflower @harrydouthwaite

I have glanced over your stories, both of you are very intriguing writers! :).

I am writing your reviews respectively, they will be done in the coming week(s)?

Sorry I am a Slowpoke


@Paul_Tromba

I received your book, I think I will read it in its entirety before commenting anything, so it might take a while. Hope you don't mind :).

@Mythrnl

Reading your story too, seems interesting.

@Alski

You don't have what I do:

 

[Paul_Tromba]

@Paul_Tromba

I received your book, I think I will read it in its entirety before commenting anything, so it might take a while. Hope you don't mind :).

I don't mind at all. Take your time and I hope you enjoy it!

 

[Alski]

@Alski

You don't have what I do:

I wouldn't want an E even if you gave me one for free, Its the most degenerate letter in the internets.

 

[John_Owl]

Hello there traveller,
What is it that you search for?
Are you here to gain insight into your work,
To know how to improve and be sure?
Then this is the right place for you to lurk,
For I also wish to expand my horizons.

I still seek to improve my analysis skills and diversify my platter with otherwise quirky unorthodox stories I wouldn't have bothered checking out.

I'm game. Links are in my sig (if my sig doesn't load, let me know. I'll post an actual link if needed). I'm specifically looking for feedback on Lay the Dragon. As the title suggests, it IS smut, but the NSFW chapters are labeled, so you're free to skip them if you wish (there is some character development and world building, but nothing too breaking if you skip it).

As for my aims, goals, reasons, etc... I want to entertain. I want it to be good enough to attract people - to make them look forward to my next chapter.

 

[Mythrnl]

Reading your story too, seems interesting.

Thanks for using your time on this. I just changed my synopsis, so if you find it lacking or interesting then please tell me

 

[Lysander_Works]

Can I ask to do a single chapter review swap for something unpublished?
Not sure if I'm in the right place to ask this.

 

[Alseki.]

Can I ask to do a single chapter review swap for something unpublished?
Not sure if I'm in the right place to ask this.

This is the right place :).

Though I am not exactly doing review swaps, just reviewing. You can send your work here or DMs whichever you prefer.

Though it might take some (long) time for me to get back to you.

 

[3kockeleda]

Hello!

I'm pretty new to all of this, and I wanted to get some feedback on the story I am working on titled The Crystal, its a cyberpunk noir type of story set in a somewhat distant future. My goal is to mainly finish it, I want to improve my writing and storytelling as the story progresses and I want to just get honest opinions from people.

If you'd like, and if you could please give your honest thoughts either here or on the story, thank you so much!

The Crystal – A Cyberpunk Mystery

In the neon-soaked, rain-drenched streets of Novus Aether, a city of splendor shadowing a world of despair, a former guardian finds himself summoned to the enigmatic Crystals. An invitation, simple yet profound, propels him into the heart of the metropolis's glittering dangers and whispered...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Lysander_Works]

This is the right place :).
Though I am not exactly doing review swaps, just reviewing. You can send your work here or DMs whichever you prefer.
Though it might take some (long) time for me to get back to you.

Very well. I will DM you when I am ready. I had one person look over the sloppy mess of the chapter I knew I made, so I'm going to send you a revised version of it, when I can.
Thanks in advance