NEED FEEDBACK ON MY FIRST CHAPTER!

[Storm_0907]

HI THERE, I AM NEW TO THIS SITE. AND I HAVE SOME STORIES TO TELL. I POSTED MY FIRST CHAPTER A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, I WAS HOPING TO GET SOME FEEDBACK ON IT. I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

TWILIGHT MEMORIES - OLD MEMORIES PART 1 | Scribble Hub

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[Error403]

It's alright, but there are a few times where you are using more dialogue than prose, and more prose than dialogue, which reads a bit weirdly.