New version of my story needs some feedbacks

[Sunrhae]

Hey guys!

I started over my story. I fixed my plot holes and style. Thank god, editors exist!

What I need now is some feedback! Ran and I are counting on you! Who cares about an Isekai? Surely not me!

 

[jinxs2011]

I only read the first chapter, but I like it. Nice character, nice emotion, nice descriptions.
Grammar was good, too. Only one line I was slightly iffy about, 'It was just another dark and rough patch'. It works, but it just feels to me like there should be a better way of saying this, although I'm not sure what that is.

 

[UndyingEmbers]

I read the prologue and the first chapter. The premise of the story is good. It is always more interesting to me when a character isn't thrilled to be zapped off into another world. The quality of your writing improved vastly over the two chapters. One thing that I could offer a small amount of criticism on is your formatting, and that may just be a personal tick of mine that you can ignore. The double spacing between paragraphs made everything a bit too spread out in my opinion. Other than that, I think I'll keep reading your story. Great job so far!

 

[Sunrhae]

I read the prologue and the first chapter. The premise of the story is good. It is always more interesting to me when a character isn't thrilled to be zapped off into another world. The quality of your writing improved vastly over the two chapters. One thing that I could offer a small amount of criticism on is your formatting, and that may just be a personal tick of mine that you can ignore. The double spacing between paragraphs made everything a bit too spread out in my opinion. Other than that, I think I'll keep reading your story. Great job so far!

Thanks! As for the double spacing, I thought it would be easier to read that way. I'll keep your comment in mind