On backstories.

[GodlessEmperor]

Well, I've had this back story in my mind but there are some things about it that are bugging me, and I really don't know why. So, just tell me your opinion then I can understand what is wrong with it.

Ok firstly, a but of an explanation about the world so it starts to make more sense. There are 10 angels that are ruling over the world, they want to keep humanity as happy as possible while removing any possible threat. Like people fighting. So there is no religion in the world, no one owns property, and basically all of the work is done by these angels, everyone is living a very humble life basically. These angels constantly survey everyone on the planet, but they aren't omnipotent so they occasionally miss a person or two.

So, we have our main villain now, who as a young boy was dissatisfied with how boring life was and how every day was the same, wake up. Do nothing, wait for the angels to deliver food, and basically nothing. Then one day, other people who were also dissatisfied with owning nothing and wanted more, had come to rob the main villains family.

This isn't a very rare occurrence in this world, and the angels constantly have to deal with this type of stuff. But recently these robberies would increase.

In the struggle, his father would die. And his mother would hide him underneath the floorboards to be safe, then would seal it with magic. Then, he'd hear the sound of battle. Then death. His mother would die, and he would stay stuck underneath the floorboards for days.

After coming out, he'd feel extremely angry and bitter that these angels hadn't come to save him, then would dedicate the rest of his life to removing them from power. Believing that they are tyrants and that their method of life was not living. And to place a system where everyone can work for their living, and for people with sufficient ability to gain much higher living standards than what was previously there.

So yeah, that is basically it. I don't know what is bugging me about it. But there is something annoying me.

Forget you saw this after reading it Alright? I don't wanna spoil my whole story!

Since when are they doing it? If they've been "protecting" humanity for a long time humans would've long adapted to that worldview on a genetical level.
Why are they more dissatified now? Maybe it's a recent development? If the world is a particularly harsh one then the first generations (say 2-3) would've been more than happy with the angels ruling over them, but later generations that don't know the struggle would be dissatified.
Much like with guren laggan. Humans didn't know about the aline boys and rebelled. boom big fight.

"They miss a person or two" "This isn't a very rare occurrence". Which is it?

And yeah, all the points other already told you about how retarded the angels seem to be.

 

[Napalm]

Since when are they doing it? If they've been "protecting" humanity for a long time humans would've long adapted to that worldview on a genetical level.
Why are they more dissatified now? Maybe it's a recent development? If the world is a particularly harsh one then the first generations (say 2-3) would've been more than happy with the angels ruling over them, but later generations that don't know the struggle would be dissatified.
Much like with guren laggan. Humans didn't know about the aline boys and rebelled. boom big fight.

"They miss a person or two" "This isn't a very rare occurrence". Which is it?

And yeah, all the points other already told you about how retarded the angels seem to be.

Sorry mate, I agree with you that the previous back story was pretty bad, but I rewrote it later on in this thread.

That is the one I was planning on using though

 

[GodlessEmperor]

Sorry mate, I agree with you that the previous back story was pretty bad, but I rewrote it later on in this thread.

That is the one I was planning on using though

Ok, I only read it when there were like 3 replies and after shopping I decided to reply too, but was too lazy to read the rest haha

 

[Daitengu]

My main issue is the boy blaming the gov/angels for other human's actions.

The angels provide state welfare and limited protection. There's nothing to stop humans from working for more based on what I read.

It's easier to blame an outside other than to accept your own race is shit. I assume it's why the boy is the villain.

 

[Napalm]

My main issue is the boy blaming the gov/angels for other human's actions.

The angels provide state welfare and limited protection. There's nothing to stop humans from working for more based on what I read.

It's easier to blame an outside other than to accept your own race is shit. I assume it's why the boy is the villain.

Well yeah, but that is actually the older version that I rewrote, I guess I need to edit the original comment now.

 

[Daitengu]

Well yeah, but that is actually the older version that I rewrote, I guess I need to edit the original comment now.

I don't like it. Personally. It's basically an authoritarian government. Which is very common. More common than democracy anyway. Kingdoms are also authoritarian btw.

It basically reads as some greedy humans want to take over the world from the angels who hamstrung themselves with a vow of no killing. It reads as anyone who would use the tree of Eden are risking the destruction of everything for personal greed. And why aren't the angels using propaganda against the evil ones? How long have the angels been doing this? You must know people will acclimate to a government style in a few generations of time.

You basically have enforcers as rulers and that doesn't ever go well long term.

 

[Napalm]

I don't like it. Personally. It's basically an authoritarian government. Which is very common. More common than democracy anyway. Kingdoms are also authoritarian btw.

It basically reads as some greedy humans want to take over the world from the angels who hamstrung themselves with a vow of no killing. It reads as anyone who would use the tree of Eden are risking the destruction of everything for personal greed. And why aren't the angels using propaganda against the evil ones? How long have the angels been doing this? You must know people will acclimate to a government style in a few generations of time.

You basically have enforcers as rulers and that doesn't ever go well long term.

I mean that is literally what I'm trying to do. And there is no propaganda from the Angel's, because they feel too morally just, to do any type of propaganda or anything like that. Mostly because they are afraid of the idea that they are no longer Angel's.

And humanity want to be the ones in charge, even though they had stayed with the same system for thousands of years. They acclimated to it. But once someone gets an idea, it is hard to stop it.

And that idea, was to create a system where anyone can own whatever they want. And that the abilities of the person makes them who they are. Namely, capitalism. And risking the destruction of the world is over exaggerated by the Angel's, it just means that the destruction of the world would be a thousand years away, a very short time for Angel's, but super long for humans. So they completely ignored that warning.

And yeah, I was planning on the world being authoritarian and slightly communistic, then I'd collapse it and build another one. After all this is literally just the backstory, it is the history that had already passed by.

Basically, our protagonists live in the world post that world, after one of these parties win the war. And deal with the consequences of battle.

 

[Daitengu]

Basically, our protagonists live in the world post that world, after one of these parties win the war. And deal with the consequences of battle.

That's gunna be a mess full of despotism, marauders, warlords, and angel cults.

GL with that mate. Scale's kinda grand.

PS: Also sounds like the world can end at anytime with that access the the Eden tree. Be it Kaiju, magic plague, to science accident, death cults, or even someone who hates the world because his wife and kid were 'fridged'.