kokiboki
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2020
- Messages
- 70
- Points
- 58
I'm sorry, I don’t know what to put as title I need some helpppp seriously. I think this chapter looks good but it looks like it lacks something.
I think it needs more dialogue but my friend said it doesnt need it.
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In the tranquil depths of a glass sanctuary, the ethereal Koi fish named Hàn Kuīzé gracefully glides, serenely adorned in an ever-changing tapestry of vibrant hues—a lyrical dance, a melancholic masterpiece.
Her long, flowing fins shimmer in the gentle underwater currents, like ribbons of silk swaying in the wind.
Hàn Kuīzé always wished to become human after her old master tossed three spirit pills, making her smarter, Being the glutton she had always been, she wasted no time devouring them greedily.
In the same pond, another Koi had a taste too. Sadly, the other Koi disappeared after being shipped to Japan—perhaps they became fried fish!
Hàn Kuīzé learned to walk on two legs and eat with human utensils like forks, spoons, and chopsticks. Luckily, she stopped eating sticks and stones, which could have led to her death years ago.
While gracefully gliding through her aquatic abode, an unexpected sight caught her attention. With a swift halt, she locked eyes with a handsome human peering through the transparent barrier. This guy is so good-looking, he could easily strut down a runway.
In that moment, she silently yearned for this heavenly being to whisk her away and transform her into a tasty plate of fried fish.
"Boss, let's get this one– it seems to like you a lot." Said another human being who's squished up against the glass looking like a blob fish.
'Boss' beckoned the shopkeeper over with a swift hand motion and pointed at the glass.
Hàn Kuīzé got excited thinking that she has been chosen, but when the net came down into the tank, it picked up another.
The handsome man soon left. More people came in and walked towards the tank, but she was never bought.
There are no more koi fish left except her, so she must be next. But then, all the lights went out and the store closed.
[Host 587,321, don't lose hope. You'll get picked someday, which is estimated to be next year for the Spring Festival.]
"I can't wait that long! How many points has been collected for the day?"
[+36.45 Points]
"Please deposit that into my account."
[Points has now been deposited, You now have 12,602x points. Would you like to buy anything from the store?]
As soon as this message is spoken, a pop-up appears in front of Hàn Kuīzé:
- New Item: 66,666x Points - Lucky Ticket (26,666x)
- New Item: 1,000,000,000,000x Points - God Blessing (Not for sale)
- New Item: 1,074x Points - 5x Point Booster (5,000x)
- New Item: 633x Points - 4Pcs Acne Blackhead Removal Needles (100,000x)
"Stop! You are not tricking me into spending my hard-earned points on this rubbish. Do I have enough to buy the Human Transformation Pill?"
[No, Host 587,321. You cannot purchase the item. You need at least 11 more points to buy it, as we have a discount on it that will expire in 56 days.]
Hàn Kuīzé almost jumped out of her tank in happiness, like a dolphin.
She can get the pill tomorrow, and her dream of becoming human is finally coming true.
They finally dropped the price, but she's scared someone else will buy it now, and she can't sleep well thinking about it.
[Host 587,321, I have put it in your cart. You don't have to worry about the item being sold out. 80% of the hosts who use the shop are human.]
What about the remaining 20%?
I think it needs more dialogue but my friend said it doesnt need it.
-
In the tranquil depths of a glass sanctuary, the ethereal Koi fish named Hàn Kuīzé gracefully glides, serenely adorned in an ever-changing tapestry of vibrant hues—a lyrical dance, a melancholic masterpiece.
Her long, flowing fins shimmer in the gentle underwater currents, like ribbons of silk swaying in the wind.
Hàn Kuīzé always wished to become human after her old master tossed three spirit pills, making her smarter, Being the glutton she had always been, she wasted no time devouring them greedily.
In the same pond, another Koi had a taste too. Sadly, the other Koi disappeared after being shipped to Japan—perhaps they became fried fish!
Hàn Kuīzé learned to walk on two legs and eat with human utensils like forks, spoons, and chopsticks. Luckily, she stopped eating sticks and stones, which could have led to her death years ago.
While gracefully gliding through her aquatic abode, an unexpected sight caught her attention. With a swift halt, she locked eyes with a handsome human peering through the transparent barrier. This guy is so good-looking, he could easily strut down a runway.
In that moment, she silently yearned for this heavenly being to whisk her away and transform her into a tasty plate of fried fish.
"Boss, let's get this one– it seems to like you a lot." Said another human being who's squished up against the glass looking like a blob fish.
'Boss' beckoned the shopkeeper over with a swift hand motion and pointed at the glass.
Hàn Kuīzé got excited thinking that she has been chosen, but when the net came down into the tank, it picked up another.
The handsome man soon left. More people came in and walked towards the tank, but she was never bought.
There are no more koi fish left except her, so she must be next. But then, all the lights went out and the store closed.
[Host 587,321, don't lose hope. You'll get picked someday, which is estimated to be next year for the Spring Festival.]
"I can't wait that long! How many points has been collected for the day?"
[+36.45 Points]
"Please deposit that into my account."
[Points has now been deposited, You now have 12,602x points. Would you like to buy anything from the store?]
As soon as this message is spoken, a pop-up appears in front of Hàn Kuīzé:
- New Item: 66,666x Points - Lucky Ticket (26,666x)
- New Item: 1,000,000,000,000x Points - God Blessing (Not for sale)
- New Item: 1,074x Points - 5x Point Booster (5,000x)
- New Item: 633x Points - 4Pcs Acne Blackhead Removal Needles (100,000x)
"Stop! You are not tricking me into spending my hard-earned points on this rubbish. Do I have enough to buy the Human Transformation Pill?"
[No, Host 587,321. You cannot purchase the item. You need at least 11 more points to buy it, as we have a discount on it that will expire in 56 days.]
Hàn Kuīzé almost jumped out of her tank in happiness, like a dolphin.
She can get the pill tomorrow, and her dream of becoming human is finally coming true.
They finally dropped the price, but she's scared someone else will buy it now, and she can't sleep well thinking about it.
[Host 587,321, I have put it in your cart. You don't have to worry about the item being sold out. 80% of the hosts who use the shop are human.]
What about the remaining 20%?
