Story feedback request about Cyberpunk2077 fanfic. Russiaboos pls respond.

[Shaky]

I am writing a fanfic about cyberpunk 2077 from the perspective of a Neo-Soviet AI going rogue/malfunctioning in America.
I would love feedback on everything: The intro description (it seems wonky but I don't know how), grammar (I think I have a habit of repeating words+the eternal mistake of witch/which or limp/limb that I constantly miss. Also sentences that might run too long) and the descriptions of sounds and effects in the story (I default usually to just *EFFECT!* posting). And anything else that might catch your eye for improvement. And of course, if you know Cyberpunk lore that I might have erred against or could do integrating, please let me know.

As an Eastern Euro, I have contact with Russian culture, but I am just an outside observer trying to write a character of a culture of a fictional USSR that continued into the future 2077 era. Any Russian cultural memes, phrases, iconic symbols or simply better shouts and slogans are welcome. I think I might have Flanderized the MC a bit too much with him starting off his adventure by placing a crate of vodka before a group of tracksuit wearing slavic gangsters as thanks for getting directions, but I hope to improve moving forward.

And of course, the fic is here. Thank you for reading so far.

 

[SailusGebel]

 

[Zakuro]

Any Russian cultural memes, phrases, iconic symbols or simply better shouts and slogans are welcome.

Go play Atomic Heart.

 

[Shaky]

Go play Atomic Heart.

I was tempted, from the moment the trailer dropped. And I purposefully steered clear just not to poison my view with hot cybernetic ballerinas, lest I fall.

 

[SailusGebel]

All jokes aside, why would you write about Neo-Soviet AI if you can't portray it properly? Write about an Eastern Euro AI.

 

[Shaky]

All jokes aside, why would you write about Neo-Soviet AI if you can't portray it properly? Write about an Eastern Euro AI.

Well, Eastern Euros in that world are under Soviets.

 

[SailusGebel]

Well, Eastern Euros in that world are under Soviets.

I don't know a thing about Cyberpunk2077 universe, but in real life even though countries were under Soviets they still had their own culture, language and so on. For example, even Ukraine had Ukranian language as an official language. That's why I ask(no offense here, I just want to understand and help you) why can't you write about an Eastern Euro AI?

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

grammar (I think I have a habit of repeating words+the eternal mistake of witch/which or limp/limb that I constantly miss.

Try using ctrl+F to search for those common errors that you know you mess up with. It's a fast way to check if a word is present. Using google docs or word or grammerly can also help spot common errors.

 

[Zakuro]

I don't know a thing about Cyberpunk2077 universe, but in real life even though countries were under Soviets they still had their own culture, language and so on. For example, even Ukraine had Ukranian language as an official language.

But CBP Ukraine is a giant crater

 

[SailusGebel]

But CBP Ukraine is a giant crater

BRUH - Sound Button

Click here to play the sound!

www.myinstants.com

 

[Shaky]

I don't know a thing about Cyberpunk2077 universe, but in real life even though countries were under Soviets they still had their own culture, language and so on. For example, even Ukraine had Ukranian language as an official language. That's why I ask(no offense here, I just want to understand and help you) why can't you write about an Eastern Euro AI?

Cyberpunk is a strange setting that had nationalities itself usurped mostly by the readily available translation tech. Now Cyberpunk America is a special hellhole in itself with the wiki claiming there are ten national languages minimum besides English due to immigration. Hence I tried my Soviet boy to try and cycle through all the languages of the "republics". And do keep in mind, the entire "Neo-Soviet Union" is a puppet state controlled by SovOil corporation, just as NUSA is a puppet state controlled by Militech, or Japan controlled by Arasaka. All are corporations, none are nationalist beyond cynical use of it.

How can you be a nationalist, when every foreigner can speak your language fluently, and slot into any work position effortlessly?

 

[Zakuro]

Now Cyberpunk America is a special hellhole in itself

So it's just RL America.

 

[SailusGebel]

Cyberpunk is a strange setting that had nationalities itself usurped mostly by the readily available translation tech. Now Cyberpunk America is a special hellhole in itself with the wiki claiming there are ten national languages minimum besides English due to immigration. Hence I tried my Soviet boy to try and cycle through all the languages of the "republics". And do keep in mind, the entire "Neo-Soviet Union" is a puppet state controlled by SovOil corporation, just as NUSA is a puppet state controlled by Militech, or Japan controlled by Arasaka. All are corporations, none are nationalist beyond cynical use of it.

How can you be a nationalist, when every foreigner can speak your language fluently, and slot into any work position effortlessly?

Err, sorry but that didn't help me nor answered my question. I am Russian, but I won't be able to help you.

 

[Nyctoria]

How can you be a nationalist, when every foreigner can speak your language fluently, and slot into any work position effortlessly?

Carefully.

 

[Shaky]

Err, sorry but that didn't help me nor answered my question. I am Russian, but I won't be able to help you.

Im sorry for being obtuse. In cyberpunk lore, in 2020, a global AI revolt happened that crashed the internet as it was at that time, and humanity lost quite a number of cities and factories to suddenly rogue AI´s. AI´s are rightfully a very suspicious tech, especially since none of the "old", rebellious AI´s were really defeated, they were just cordoned off and contained behind a "Blackwall".

Soviet Union

The Union of Sovereign Soviet Republics (USSR) (Russian: Союз Суверенных Советских Республик, СССР (Soyuz Suverennykh Sovetskikh Respublik, SSSR); also known as Neo-Sov or Neo-Soviets) is an energy and military superpower in the 21st century, as well as an ally of the European Economic...

cyberpunk.fandom.com

AI tech was so distrusted that it took up until 2070 for them to be used again openly, with soviets using a "Geroi" AI (first of its kind openly used in soviet territory) to clean up pollution and handle distribution of goods. With tech so controlled and feared, its doubtful that eastern euros of the setting would be allowed to have one of their own, hence the main character is a fork of the "Geroi", set to clean up soviet wastelands in the setting before being turned rogue.
The reason I use "Ivan", instead of "Jaan" or "Peeter" as the base AI is because I dont think the soviet republics would be trusted with the tech. Also, i wanted the main character to have a realistic chance of reaching America, and that is a lot harder to do from Tallinn than from Vladivostok. Especially considering that in the setting, European Economic Community and Soviet Union are nominal allies after former USA managed to screw up their foreign policy after 2020.

 

[SailusGebel]

Im sorry for being obtuse. In cyberpunk lore, in 2020, a global AI revolt happened that crashed the internet as it was at that time, and humanity lost quite a number of cities and factories to suddenly rogue AI´s. AI´s are rightfully a very suspicious tech, especially since none of the "old", rebellious AI´s were really defeated, they were just cordoned off and contained behind a "Blackwall".

Soviet Union

The Union of Sovereign Soviet Republics (USSR) (Russian: Союз Суверенных Советских Республик, СССР (Soyuz Suverennykh Sovetskikh Respublik, SSSR); also known as Neo-Sov or Neo-Soviets) is an energy and military superpower in the 21st century, as well as an ally of the European Economic...

cyberpunk.fandom.com

AI tech was so distrusted that it took up until 2070 for them to be used again openly, with soviets using a "Geroi" AI (first of its kind openly used in soviet territory) to clean up pollution and handle distribution of goods. With tech so controlled and feared, its doubtful that eastern euros of the setting would be allowed to have one of their own, hence the main character is a fork of the "Geroi", set to clean up soviet wastelands in the setting before being turned rogue.
The reason I use "Ivan", instead of "Jaan" or "Peeter" as the base AI is because I dont think the soviet republics would be trusted with the tech. Also, i wanted the main character to have a realistic chance of reaching America, and that is a lot harder to do from Tallinn than from Vladivostok.

 

[Shaky]

Well friend, feel free to poke holes in this drivel i spewed. As told, I am working on a setting invented by a black author, mangled by a polish company that got strong-armed by a half-Canadian, half-Chinese actor born in Lebanon to try and wrangle a fun fic out of it. I find the story and setting funny.

 

[SailusGebel]

Well friend, feel free to poke holes in this drivel i spewed. As told, I am working on a setting invented by a black author, mangled by a polish company that got strong-armed by a half-Canadian, half-Chinese actor born in Lebanon to try and wrangle a fun fic out of it. I find the story and setting funny.

 

[Shaky]

Say, as a Russian, is the name "Ivan Geroiovich Apparata" a logical name for an AI machine fathered by Geroi? The three names thing is kind of confusing, and I hope i did not accidentaly feminize the names.

 

[SailusGebel]

Say, as a Russian, is the name "Ivan Geroiovich Apparata" a logical name for an AI machine fathered by Geroi? The three names thing is kind of confusing, and I hope i did not accidentaly feminize the names.

Well it sounds somewhat weird, but considering how it's a soviet AI from a Cyberpunk, I guess it works? Apparata sounds kinda weird. What surname do you want?