Story feedback

Paraknight

New member
Joined
May 24, 2019
Messages
17
Points
3
Chapters could have been a little longer. Synopsis is really important to hook your audience, so you need a really attention-catching synopsis. Not that I'm any better at it.
 

zeryn

New member
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
17
Points
3
I don't really see a problem with the prologue length - mine is atrociously short, but does what it needs by leading into the story... or so I hope.

One thing I see from the start, is using "2". It's probably just a pet peeve but in general numbers below 10 should be spelled out. Of course that can be different for everyone...

I do see you switching from past to present tense often. It's best to stick to one.

"While looking at the human nobles, he found a young girl, nearly 16 years old, called Scarlet Dragonclaw, who made him very curious about."
You could split that into two sentences, also the 'about' doesn't make sense here. I would probably write it as:
"While looking through the human nobles, he found a young girl. She [was/seemed] nearly 16 years old, [named Scarlet Dragonclaw] or [called 'Scarlet Dragonclaw'], and he grew curious about her."

But of course, everyone has their own voice in how they present their story, but always make sure to proofread it (unless of course you have an editor to do so, but I think most of us do it ourselves.)

Good luck!
 
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