Two rating received!

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

I've now received two 5 star ratings! Got three chapters out. Got to be doing something right.

 

[melchi]

Good Job

 

[georgelee5786]

nice

 

[Lloyd]

Proofread your stuff. Stevie's Dinner? Shouldn't that be Diner? Typo in the second line is never a good sign.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

Proofread your stuff. Stevie's Dinner? Shouldn't that be Diner? Typo in the second line is never a good sign.

Thanks for pointing it out and I appreciate the feedback.
Here's a bit of mine, perhaps you can tone down on the condescension. I did proofread my stuff. Many times. That one only escaped because I honestly thought that's how it was spelt.

Perhaps going past the second line, would've shown you that I put a lot of work into my story. You coming out the gate with one line aimed and putting someone down, especially, when they are celebrating something, doesn't make you look very good.

Here's how your line could've gone:
"Nice one, man. Well done! Just one thing one, shouldn't Stevie's Dinner be Stevie's Diner?"

That wouldn't have come across as 'raining on someone's parade'.

 

[Sleds]

Thanks for pointing it out and I appreciate the feedback.
Here's a bit of mine, perhaps you can tone down on the condescension. I did proofread my stuff. Many times. That one only escaped because I honestly thought that's how it was spelt.

Perhaps going past the second line, would've shown you that I put a lot of work into my story. You coming out the gate with one line aimed and putting someone down, especially, when they are celebrating something, doesn't make you look very good.

Here's how your line could've gone:
"Nice one, man. Well done! Just one thing one, shouldn't Stevie's Dinner be Stevie's Diner?"

That wouldn't have come across as 'raining on someone's parade'.

Don't mind Lloyd, he a well-know troll here.

Good job for your story. I don't know what the story is about, but adding more tag can help it be discovered. You can add 25 tags at maxium, try to use them if possible.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

Don't mind Lloyd, he a well-know troll here.

Good job for your story. I don't know what the story is about, but adding more tag can help it be discovered. You can add 25 tags at maxium, try to use them if possible.

Ah, I see. Thanks for the heads up. And the advice.

 

[Lloyd]

Don't mind Lloyd, he a well-know troll here.

Good job for your story. I don't know what the story is about, but adding more tag can help it be discovered. You can add 25 tags at maxium, try to use them if possible.

This isn't a troll though.

Thanks for pointing it out and I appreciate the feedback.
Here's a bit of mine, perhaps you can tone down on the condescension. I did proofread my stuff. Many times. That one only escaped because I honestly thought that's how it was spelt.

Perhaps going past the second line, would've shown you that I put a lot of work into my story. You coming out the gate with one line aimed and putting someone down, especially, when they are celebrating something, doesn't make you look very good.

Here's how your line could've gone:
"Nice one, man. Well done! Just one thing one, shouldn't Stevie's Dinner be Stevie's Diner?"

That wouldn't have come across as 'raining on someone's parade'.

How much work could you have put in if you didn't proofread?

 

[SailusGebel]

Good Job! On a side note, yeah, Lloyd is a troll, don't mind him.

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

Guess every has been coming to this park a lot.

 

[wresch]

Congrats on the stars. I read your first chapter. I appreciate the character development. But people keep telling me something big has to happen in the first few paragraphs. I hate that. I want a chapter to set location and characters. But I am old. I have time and patience. I look at current movies and TV and something big happens before the first commercials. Can you think of some foretaste of issues to come? He sees someone staring in the window? His coffee tastes funny? Maybe there is a new waiter?

 

[Dhael_Ligerkeys]

Congrats on the stars. I read your first chapter. I appreciate the character development. But people keep telling me something big has to happen in the first few paragraphs. I hate that. I want a chapter to set location and characters. But I am old. I have time and patience. I look at current movies and TV and something big happens before the first commercials. Can you think of some foretaste of issues to come? He sees someone staring in the window? His coffee tastes funny? Maybe there is a new waiter?

Thanks man, I appreciate it.
I do agree with the sentiment of something of "big has to happen" though I'd be more forgiving and say in the first chapter. However, bare in mind that how that presents itself is very flexible. Look at my chapter. I start off by showing the MC realising that his health is getting worse. At that point, the biggest thing is losing his car. Later he loses his dog, which nearly drives him over the edge. It's not until the end of the chapter that all hell breaks loose.

Regarding foretaste of issues to come, the MC is dealing with a lot when we meet him. He's not in the right head space to notice anything else. However, there's a lot of hints in the connections he didn't make, which are to realised by the reader as the story progresses.

Note that this was chapter 1, not a prologue. This is the MC you're going to be following throughout.