Very bad free feedback thread.

[Kishi866]

I read the first chapter.
It was confusing.
Now, your storytelling is fine, I don't have any problem with that. Just, you don't need to make the character names or normal words stand out, we can see them just fine.
Onto the main problem.
The characters don't make sense.
Why did Sunja suddenly decided to attack the main character? He had no reason to, he couldn't get anything out of that, it's not like the main character ate his favorite chocolate cookies or anything.
And, why did the guard suddenly decided to arrest the main character, when he's just trying to leave?
It really was confusing.
Try to think about those questions first, I'd say.

Hi there, thank you for the response. I really appreciate it. I'll take into consideration unbolding some of those names, I thought it would help as I introduce many characters in the first few chapters. As for your questions regarding Sunja's decision and the guard's appearance, those are all answered in the following chapters.

Thanks again for checking it out!

 

[Kalliel]

Hi there, thank you for the response. I really appreciate it. I'll take into consideration unbolding some of those names, I thought it would help as I introduce many characters in the first few chapters. As for your questions regarding Sunja's decision and the guard's appearance, those are all answered in the following chapters.

Thanks again for checking it out!

Take it with a grain of salt, I am definitely not a good reader, so if the first chapter of a series is not good enough for me, I'll lose interest immediately.
Still, good luck with your writing.

 

[ReadyGoLove]

Hi! New writer here, please give my work a read, any and all criticism is appreciated ^^

Starless Flower - 01 – Starless Flower Atop a Hill | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

(Recently published, might still be pending approval, not sure though.)

 

[Kalliel]

Give me a honest review

LEGENDARY: The Omnipotence

(This novel is currently under rewrite) Infinite stories unfolds as the creation of the Fiction Verse and evolves into something revolutionary. This series is an All-in-one Genre, everything can happen, even the things you've dreamed of, even the stories that never existed before, it will...

www.scribblehub.com

I will.
I read the first chapter. It was like a fever dream.
Aside from your abominable grammar, it felt like you were writing a report, not a story.
No dialogue whatsoever, things happening faster than I could blink.
It just reads poorly.
My advice for you is to try and read more first, fix your grammar, and then try to write again.

Ok. I'm ready for you to make me cry.

The Knight Who Was Too Angry to Die (Shinu Hodo Okotsu ta Kishi)

Amidst the dimly lit tapestry of ancient East Asia, a nameless knight from medieval Europe finds himself torn from the familiarity of his war-torn homeland, thrust into mystic Heian period Japan. A tale that commences in eerie twilight, where history and folklore entwine, and the supernatural...

www.scribblehub.com

I read the first three chapters.
It was pretty good.
Your grammar is perfect, your writing is amazing as well.
The only thing I would say here is that maybe you could have done more on the battle scenes, they were a bit lackluster.
But anyway, it was enjoyable.

 

[Kamelingil]

I will.
I read the first chapter. It was like a fever dream.
Aside from your abominable grammar, it felt like you were writing a report, not a story.
No dialogue whatsoever, things happening faster than I could blink.
It just reads poorly.
My advice for you is to try and read more first, fix your grammar, and then try to write again.

Ok, that's a valid feedback. Now I know where the errors

It's my first novel so I didn't think of putting dialogues, so I guess I'm going to change it

 

[Kamelingil]

Aside from your abominable grammar, it felt like you were writing a report, not a story.
No dialogue whatsoever, things happening faster than I could blink.

Ok, the first chapter was fixed, but I still have to rewrite 15 more chapters

 

[Kalliel]

Hi! New writer here, please give my work a read, any and all criticism is appreciated ^^

Starless Flower - 01 – Starless Flower Atop a Hill | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

(Recently published, might still be pending approval, not sure though.)

The start was alright, I have nothing in particular to complain.
But it's too soon to judge. Only one chapter.
So yeah, got nothing to say.

 

[ReadyGoLove]

The start was alright, I have nothing in particular to complain.
But it's too soon to judge. Only one chapter.
So yeah, got nothing to say.

I published a second chapter just today, if you're interested in giving it a bit of a deeper look.

Starless Flower - 02 – Dewey Eyed Flower | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

No worries if not, though. But do let me know if the first chapter itself was enjoyable.

 

[Kalliel]

I published a second chapter just today, if you're interested in giving it a bit of a deeper look.

Starless Flower - 02 – Dewey Eyed Flower | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

No worries if not, though. But do let me know if the first chapter itself was enjoyable.

It's interesting, as I've said before, I have no complain about your work.
I could see this being a good romance novel.
I don't normally read rom-com though, so I can't give a detailed analysis or anything.

 

[RedMoonBlue]

Hi! would you please give me feedback on my work.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/644643/paranoia/

 

[Kalliel]

Hi! would you please give me feedback on my work.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/644643/paranoia/

I read the first chapter.
Much like this thread, it's janky.
Firstly, the conversations between characters were awkward, they didn't feel real, is what I should say.
Secondly, you clumped all the dialogues of different characters together in long paragraphs, it's confusing.
Thirdly, you were also over describing a lot of bits as well, somewhat unnecessary in my opinion.
And lastly, you forgot a lot of commas as well, together with a bunch of other grammar mistakes.
You need a lot of edits and trimming, basically.

 

[RedMoonBlue]

I read the first chapter.
Much like this thread, it's janky.
Firstly, the conversations between characters were awkward, they didn't feel real, is what I should say.
Secondly, you clumped all the dialogues of different characters together in long paragraphs, it's confusing.
Thirdly, you were also over describing a lot of bits as well, somewhat unnecessary in my opinion.
And lastly, you forgot a lot of commas as well, together with a bunch of other grammar mistakes.
You need a lot of edits and trimming, basically.

oh ok. Thanks. I'll try to re-write it to make it better :D

 

[Gunshot_god]

Hi. I don't want a first chapter feedback but a second chapter one lol. Because 1st chapter has info dumps and too much unnecessary writings. (It doesn't have important plot detaills) I feel bad to make u read that. But I am sure that second chapter is much better. So... Can u please provide me an honest and verryyy bad review about the chapter? I am waiting...

The Deformed Star In the Sky - Flashback to a starry sky | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Kalliel]

Hi. I don't want a first chapter feedback but a second chapter one lol. Because 1st chapter has info dumps and too much unnecessary writings. (It doesn't have important plot detaills) I feel bad to make u read that. But I am sure that second chapter is much better. So... Can u please provide me an honest and verryyy bad review about the chapter? I am waiting...

The Deformed Star In the Sky - Flashback to a starry sky | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

I read both chapters.
It was... Fine?
Aside from some occasional grammar mistakes here and there (Minor), the narrative is interesting enough.
Ultimately, it was too short for me to give more opinion on this.
Good luck on writing though.

 

[Darkodia]

Take a look at mine, please:
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/879300/sanctuary-compromised-a-zombie-apocalypse-tale/

 

[Kalliel]

Take a look at mine, please:
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/879300/sanctuary-compromised-a-zombie-apocalypse-tale/

I read all three chapters.
It was good. Really good.
Your grammar is perfect, your storytelling is also artistic and coherent.
I have nothing to complain.
Keep up the good work!

 

[Gunshot_god]

I read both chapters.
It was... Fine?
Aside from some occasional grammar mistakes here and there (Minor), the narrative is interesting enough.
Ultimately, it was too short for me to give more opinion on this.
Good luck on writing though.

Thank u so much. I will pay more attention to grammar mistakes. I appreciate your help. My lost inspiration is coming back!!!

 

[anthony59237]

Please let me know what you think of mine. You can just leave the feedback in thread. Thanks a lot for what you do! Link below:

The Fam [Dark Comedy/Urban Fantasy]

In a world filled with elves, ogres, and humans coexisting amongst each other in a modern society, Cindy, a half-elf, has been faced with discrimination since the day she was born. When she moves to the City of Baldimore to become an Ubear driver, her world view is suddenly changed,...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Kinni]

I would like to ask for some feedback on my story:
Ascendance of the Big Sister Monster Tamer

 

[Kalliel]

Please let me know what you think of mine. You can just leave the feedback in thread. Thanks a lot for what you do! Link below:

The Fam [Dark Comedy/Urban Fantasy]

In a world filled with elves, ogres, and humans coexisting amongst each other in a modern society, Cindy, a half-elf, has been faced with discrimination since the day she was born. When she moves to the City of Baldimore to become an Ubear driver, her world view is suddenly changed,...

www.scribblehub.com

I read the first four chapters.
It was good.
I didn't notice anything bad about your writing.
The characters felt a bit odd at time, but I don't mind it, fits for a comedy.
Overall, an interesting start.
Good luck writing.