Wish of the Cipher

[ArcanePunkster]

Hello everyone!

For the last few months I've been writing an isekai web novel and it's nearing the end of the first volume. So long story short I'm looking for some feedback.

You don't have to read it all, and how you post your feedback is up to you. You can do it through comments, review or posts on this thread. Below I'll copy and paste the synopsis to my web novel and a link along with it.

Synopsis
Yuuma Akiyama is a popular high schoolboy loved by the girls and hated by the average boy and is secretly an otaku at heart. After an unfortunate accident, he dies saving someone he cares about only to be reincarnated into a new world as a demon girl known as Nariko Helel ben Shachar.

In a world with no magic and where the only means of fighting the Forsaken are with Cipher-Frames, huge mecha powered by mana that flows through the universe. Nariko will soon come to the realization of the truth behind her reincarnation and her true purpose in this new world.

Wish of the Cipher

 

[Hathnuz]

I think the story has potential, but the pace is too slow. I'm halfway chapter 5 yet there's still no action or mecha in sight, so it's kinda boring. And despite the story takes place in hell, the setting feels too... ordinary. Like if you change the setting into human world instead, the story will be same. Though, I like the idea of demons piloting mechas because satan-themed mecha would look very badass ngl. Last but not least, add more world-building for immersion reason. That's all for now.

 

[ArcanePunkster]

I think the story has potential, but the pace is too slow. I'm halfway chapter 5 and there's still no action or mecha in sight, so it's kinda boring. And despite the story takes place in hell, the setting feels too... ordinary. Like if you change the setting into human world instead, the story's still same. Though, I like the idea of demons piloting mechas because satan-themed mecha would look very badass ngl. Last but not least, add more world-building for immersion reason. That's all for now.

Yeah I figured as much. Trying to pick things up with the last few parts future Volumes will have a faster pace. And I've also been working on trying to add a bit of that fantastical touch to future settings that I introduce.