You call me stupid or whatever, but I need informations and tips

[Nhatduongg]

Watch the newest thread.

 

[KiraMinoru]

Well start with your synopsis first. There’s already problems there from a technical standpoint. I think it’s a good enough representation of what your reader is trying to get across.

Magic used to only exist in the higher realms and, by a god’s mistake, had appeared down the Overworld.

This very first sentence doesn’t feel right from the first couple of words. Verb tense-wise, I guess. A more appropriate way to word it might be something like:

Magic only ever existed in the higher realms, but by a god’s mistake, it appeared in the Overworld.

Used and exist are two different tenses. Just turn it into existed instead. Also, I guess the sentence feels a bit wordy with the way you structured it. Though the two sentences here in terms of word count only differs by one word, I feel like the second case flows better. I’m no professional or anything so I have no idea. It’s one of those, ‘don’t think, feel’ sort of things.

The sudden increase in Mana particles has resulted in disasters across the universe.

Here you put has resulted together when you don’t need has here at all. Just get rid of it.

The sudden increase in Mana particles resulted in disasters across the universe.

Now that the Mana has become stable, almost every life in the Overworld had been granted the ability to use magic.

There’s a lot of issues I feel when I read this sentence.

When Mana finally stabilized in the Overworld, life was granted the ability to use magic.

Still feels off but whatever. Good enough. Issue is mainly verb tense switching mid sentence. Changing from has become stable which are all present tense to had been granted which is all past tense mid sentence. It’s just weird, try to avoid it when you can.

I’m too lazy to do the rest. But I think this is a summary of what your reader is trying to say probably.

 

[Nhatduongg]

Well start with your synopsis first. There’s already problems there from a technical standpoint. I think it’s a good enough representation of what your readers is trying to get across.

Magic used to only exist in the higher realms and, by a god’s mistake, had appeared down the Overworld.

This very first sentence doesn’t feel right from the first couple of words. Verb tense-wise, I guess. A more appropriate way to word it might be something like:

Magic only ever existed in the higher realms, but by a god’s mistake, it appeared in the Overworld.

Used and exist are two different tenses. Just turn it into existed instead. Also, I guess the sentence feels a bit wordy with the way you structured it. Though the two sentences here in terms of word count only differs by one word, I feel like the second case flows better. I’m no professional or anything so I have no idea. It’s one of those, ‘don’t think, feel’ sort of things.

The sudden increase in Mana particles has resulted in disasters across the universe.

Here you put has resulted together when you don’t need has here at all. Just get rid of it.

The sudden increase in Mana particles resulted in disasters across the universe.

Now that the Mana has become stable, almost every life in the Overworld had been granted the ability to use magic.

There’s a lot of issues I feel when I read this sentence.

When Mana finally stabilized in the Overworld, life was granted the ability to use magic.

Still feels off but whatever. Good enough. Issue is mainly verb tense switching mid sentence. Changing from has become stable which are all present tense to had been granted which is all past tense mid sentence. It’s just weird, try to avoid it when you can.

I’m too lazy to do the rest. But I think this is a summary of what your reader is trying to say probably.

I see…

 

[RaizarP]

because my English is terrible too I can't give you many tips about writing.

So I will be commenting on your cover. I suggest you create an interesting cover, that makes readers want to read your novel.

If you ask, how to make an interesting cover?
From my experience as a reader, I tend to read the novel after looking at the cover. The interesting cover for me has 2 elements.
1. The main character/love interest was in the cover and occupying around 1/3 of the cover.
2. The title on the cover, I suggest you to use only 1 color or gradient it to make the title in the cover interesting. And make sure the title on your cover didn't covering the character.

Now your synopsis, just write around 1/2 paragraph to introduce your story and make a question about where will your story go. That will make the readers interested to read your novel

 

[Nhatduongg]

because my English is terrible too I can't give you many tips about writing.

So I will be commenting on your cover. I suggest you create an interesting cover, that makes readers want to read your novel.

If you ask, how to make an interesting cover?
From my experience as a reader, I tend to read the novel after looking at the cover. The interesting cover for me has 2 elements.
1. The main character/love interest was in the cover and occupying around 1/3 of the cover.
2. The title on the cover, I suggest you to use only 1 color or gradient it to make the title in the cover interesting. And make sure the title on your cover didn't covering the character.

Now your synopsis, just write around 1/2 paragraph to introduce your story and make a question about where will your story go. That will make the readers interested to read your novel

You know, I’m not an artist, best I can do is number 2.

I changed the synopsis already, check a thread at ‘Story feedback’, I don’t wanna start another thread about my synopsis here.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

I changed the synopsis already, check a thread at ‘Story feedback’, I don’t wanna start another thread about my synopsis here.

so this an old thread?

confused which thread has updated synopsis. link please.

 

[Nhatduongg]

so this an old thread?

confused which thread has updated synopsis. link please.

This is the new thread, the synopsis thread is here if you don’t remember…

I’m not sure what to choose

So I decided to rewrite my main novel and one of the thing that got rewritten first was the synopsis. But then, I reread my old one and it looked fine enough. So, I don’t know which one sounds more catchy, you have any idea? Old: Magic used to only exist in the higher realms and, by a god’s...

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