Unreliable Feedback v2

greyblob

greyblob

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Seeing as I can't edit my old post, I had to make a new one. I'm looking to read more stuff both for entertainment and a bit of research.

I will review your work from the eyes of an ordinary reader. I'll read until I lose interest.


Requirements:
  1. 5k+ words
Restrictions:
These only apply if they are the main focus of the story. In case you do not care and still want a review, keep in mind that I do not particularly enjoy these types of works, so there might be some bias.
  1. Gender bender and all its subgenres (unless it's a genderless monster)
  2. Girls-love
  3. Boys-love

Numbered ratings have been removed. I don't feel like they're adding anything of value. They're also often inaccurate as most works improve over time.
 
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RepresentingEnvy

RepresentingEnvy

En-Chan Queen Vampy!
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I would like my review to be in thread for all to see.
 
PBJ_Time

PBJ_Time

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Good morning. None of you probably remember me, but I'm the guy who wants feedback through their Google Docs drafts, lol. As for where I've been in almost a year, I've been writing stories on Wattpad and AO3, but even though they got suprisingly good traction, I felt disillusioned. I wasn't writing what I wanted to write, rather giving what their main audience wanted. One was even about a yakuza/mafia crime romance plot, which was very derivative there. I deleted them all for good.

So, now, I'm back with a new story in the works. I hope it makes a good enough impression for the average reader. Let's just say the litRPG mechanics in this one are more geared toward the roguelike genre. Enjoy!

docs.google.com

Beware The Horde

Beware The Horde Hajime expected the usual things upon being reborn into another world: dragons, magic, a basic skill system. Maybe even some “chosen hero” prophecy thrust into him. Instead, he gets an open field and a million slimes surrounding him at every corner. Once the slimes are gone com...
docs.google.com docs.google.com
 
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A

ATTICLover

New member
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Jun 17, 2024
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greyblob said:
Seeing as I can't edit my old post, I had to make a new one. I'm looking to read more stuff both for entertainment and a bit of research.

I will review your work from the eyes of an ordinary reader. I'll read until I lose interest.


Requirements:
  1. 5k+ words
Restrictions:
These only apply if they are the main focus of the story. In case you do not care and still want a review, keep in mind that I do not particularly enjoy these types of works, so there might be some bias.
  1. Gender bender and all its subgenres (unless it's a genderless monster)
  2. Girls-love
  3. Boys-love
Click to expand...
I will not refuse a review so here. Just started writing 3 days ago and I don't know if I'm progressing smoothly. I have 600+ total views and 60 average viewers so... I dunno. I'm resting today but hopefully you enjoy.

www.royalroad.com

Symphonia: Rebel Against the World of Machines and the Sleepless Cities of Rhythms! | Royal Road

"The night city is always glimmering with life isn't it? Millions of lights, all of them feels alive at night and they pulse their heart for one reason. It's Music!" -Martin Forth, The Soundtrack of Defiance (3rd Live Concert ver.) The Musical Revolution had began after the rumor of an ancient...
www.royalroad.com www.royalroad.com
 
greyblob

greyblob

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RepresentingEnvy said:
I would like my review to be in thread for all to see.
Click to expand...
read up to: Chapter 21

Entertaining

It's silly and light-hearted. I liked that it was easy to read. I binged most of it yesterday. This was not my cup of tea but I found it enjoyable.

Most of my issues with this novel start after they decide to go to the capital (I was planning on giving it a 4 before then). There is a change in tone, I feel like. Things feel a bit rushed. MC becomes less insane and more dumb. There is more focus on supporting characters than the MC. The little girl character especially felt quite forced to me.

Lastly there are 2 notes I wanna mention.

1. Early on I wasn't sure if MC was OP or just clueless. It was intersting trying to figure it out. Finding out about if from the demon lord's pov was quite disappointing.

2. In these types of novels there is usually a serious element that pops up sporadically. A reminder that despite everything, the character is still human and still somewhat sane. This popped up in ch21 with the hospital flashback. I was expecting it appear much sooner.
 
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RepresentingEnvy

RepresentingEnvy

En-Chan Queen Vampy!
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greyblob said:
read up to: Chapter 21
3.5/5

Entertaining

It's silly and light-hearted. I liked that it was easy to read. I binged most of it yesterday. This was not my cup of tea but I found it enjoyable.

Most of my issues with this novel start after they decide to go to the capital (I was planning on giving it a 4 before then). There is a change in tone, I feel like. Things feel a bit rushed. MC becomes less insane and more dumb. There is more focus on supporting characters than the MC. The little girl character especially felt quite forced to me.

Lastly there are 2 notes I wanna mention.

1. Early on I wasn't sure if MC was OP or just clueless. It was intersting trying to figure it out. Finding out about if from the demon lord's pov was quite disappointing.

2. In these types of novels there is usually a serious element that pops up sporadically. A reminder that despite everything, the character is still human and still somewhat sane. This popped up in ch21 with the hospital flashback. I was expecting it appear much sooner.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the feedback, Sir Saint Blob! :blobsip:
 
RepresentingEnvy

RepresentingEnvy

En-Chan Queen Vampy!
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greyblob said:
no problemo. review seems a bit harsh but i would not have read twenty chapters if it was bad
Click to expand...
I didn't think it was harsh. Sailus review of one of my old stories… That was harsh. Comparatively your review made me happy, but I don't really think about plot much in this story. It was something to simply be able to write and chill, so if there are plot holes or things feeling forced its understandable.

Maybe when I finish the whole story, I will go back and change a few things.
 
Loewenmensch

Loewenmensch

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Apr 28, 2024
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I'd like to see what you think of mine. It's kind of a rare genre for this site (dystopian noir with no magic). There are a lot of gay characters, but it's not BL (or any other kind of romance, really). Here it is: Only the Dead Are Cold-Blooded.

Edit: Story deleted. Never mind.
 
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AdOtherwise

AdOtherwise

Owl Who Reads · Hoot Hoot
Joined
Apr 8, 2023
Messages
89
Points
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greyblob said:
Seeing as I can't edit my old post, I had to make a new one. I'm looking to read more stuff both for entertainment and a bit of research.

I will review your work from the eyes of an ordinary reader. I'll read until I lose interest.


Requirements:
  1. 5k+ words
Restrictions:
These only apply if they are the main focus of the story. In case you do not care and still want a review, keep in mind that I do not particularly enjoy these types of works, so there might be some bias.
  1. Gender bender and all its subgenres (unless it's a genderless monster)
  2. Girls-love
  3. Boys-love
Click to expand...
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/727045/lowly-ascent/
Thank you in advance
 
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