SurfAngel_1031
Active member
- Joined
- May 6, 2023
- Messages
- 70
- Points
- 33
I'm not sure tearing you apart was the point. I've read the same chapters myself. I see what the chicks brought up and that's pretty solid as I can tell.Thank you for the feedback. I am, of course, well aware of my infodump problem. I will be going through things and editing them with this in mind. I maaaay have gotten a little bogged down in the details. To explain the different tenses, mostly experimenting to see which works best. I am, of course, extremely inexperienced. While I do feel that i've gotten much better in later chapters, my earlier chapters certainly leave much to be desired. I will absolutely be fixing the info dumping, and I hope that the next time this one requests a review, that it will be much more favorable.
My research indicated that was the size of Ohio/new zealand. I will also be focusing much less on the arbitrary descriptions and math. I really need to go back and edit the chapters for their consistency. My conversions were extremely off... too used to using imperial. Thank you.
You tore me apart quite well.
My reading, I wanted to get the gist of the story as well. So I have a few questions/thoughts.
What was the point to setting up all of the things concerning the earth and it's creatures since the reality break, to not use any of it?
You go into the races and species, then take us directly underground for.. I think it was 3 months of walking in the dungeon, then to escape and go into slime mode. What's more, the last part of chapter 2 was all about the slime learning to move.
I also had a bit of a problem with the part in the prologue, where you get into ur-power. You say humanity uses it, then say all species use it or can use it... Very confusing to me.
I also didn't like the trick of chapter 1 being in the prologue. That was confusing.
Chapter 2 (or 3 depending on the numbering system) seemed a bit out of order. You had the guy escaping from the dungeon in 3rd person into the moonlit night, swap to first person... Then go back to 3rd person just to go back over the moonlit dungeon again.
Personally, I just would like to know your thought to process. :)
Thanks
Last edited: