A new user and writer. Please help with my first chapter

[Yi_San]

Hello there. Yi San here. i am new user in scribble hub. And a new writer too. I am planning to write a LGBT+ story. it's my first time writing this type. Currently, only synopsis and the first chapter are available. So, i need fellow users help. can you guys read and point out things for me?? i will appreciate it.And i will welcome your advices wholeheartedly..The works are in account.
Thankyouhttps://www.scribblehub.com/series/357783/ever-destinyangel-and-demon/

 

[Snusmumriken]

And why not link it here directly?

 

[K5Rakitan]

I'll read your first chapter if you give me one star on each of my stories

 

[Yi_San]

And why not link it here directly?

Done. i only joined scribble hub yesterday. To tell the truth, comprehenting functions of websites, is one of my weakness. i got confused. That is why. Don't take it for offense.lol

I'll read your first chapter if you give me one star on each of my stories

I will do it

I'll read your first chapter if you give me one star on each of my stories

I will do it

 

[Snusmumriken]

I will be honest. You do not have a first chapter. You have a synopsis that is more of a prologue, and 1st chapter that is nothing more than the worldbuilding infodump and authors notes.

You might be extremely excited about your story - you have it envisioned in your mind. Readers do not. You cannot expect them to essentially work right from the start (infodumps are mostly a memorization task - homework for a story so to say) you need to make them interested first with your writing (witty banter, good believable characters, interesting plot) and only then you should introduce "weaker" parts of the story like setting reveal, history, or geography.

Imagine someone starts to tell you the history of a random country you've never heard before - you won't care. But if you had a friend from there you might be curious. The same applies to stories.

 

[Yi_San]

I will be honest. You do not have a first chapter. You have a synopsis that is more of a prologue, and 1st chapter that is nothing more than the worldbuilding infodump and authors notes.

You might be extremely excited about your story - you have it envisioned in your mind. Readers do not. You cannot expect them to essentially work right from the start (infodumps are mostly a memorization task - homework for a story so to say) you need to make them interested first with your writing (witty banter, good believable characters, interesting plot) and only then you should introduce "weaker" parts of the story like setting reveal, history, or geography.

Imagine someone starts to tell you the history of a random country you've never heard before - you won't care. But if you had a friend from there you might be curious. The same applies to stories.

understood. Thankyou so much