An Odd Rose, Eternal Story Feedback

[Yorda]

Purpose
Hello I'm the Author of An Odd Rose, Love Critical Failure. I'm setting up this thread for my story and readers. Specifically, I want to use this thread as a permanent place to discuss my story to make it better and generate ideas. Criticisms, suggestions for improvement, questions, and just talking about anything you think would be cool to add to the story is what I am hoping for.

There will be spoilers and false starts everywhere though! Be warned. The spoiler tabs might be used (who knows for sure), but there is only so much that they can do. XD

Some examples of things that people might discuss here are,
Characters
Plot and plot-holes
Magic System
Religion
Geography
Military
Culture
War
Countries
Nature
Academy
Major Events
Any kind of world-building
My writing mistakes
Etc.

Anything at all, at anytime.

 

[Yorda]

My story is still in it's infancy. Yeah, it wouldn't be wrong to say that little has happened yet.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

At the moment I have only massive gigantic overshadowing issue with your story ... more chapters. More chapters. More chapters.

Otherwise, your story could need a bit more action and a faster pace, or at least more comedy to lighten up the read in between like little sweets. 22,000 words and what happened?

Meeting lovely maid and fiancée now, but otherwise?

 

[Deleted member 2533]

This isn't related to or about the story but, this is quite... unique for something like this. Some would use separate and private ways to communicate with readers e.g. Discord Server (i know, not everyone has discord acc), RSS Feeds, or some sort.

I think that is all. Goodluck with your story and Happy Writing~

 

[binarysoap]

You don't know that Yorda is an exhibitionist?
He wants to be shamed in public.

 

[Yorda]

You don't know that Yorda is an exhibitionist?
He wants to be shamed in public.

Oh. I'm going to be shamed in public?
I score very low for exhibitionism!
I like degrading not being degraded ...

This isn't related to or about the story but, this is quite... unique for something like this. Some would use separate and private ways to communicate with readers e.g. Discord Server (i know, not everyone has discord acc), RSS Feeds, or some sort.

So, you mean you prefer to do it all over the place? But I think that this is a good place, the story feedback section on the SHF.

 

[Yorda]

Otherwise, your story could need a bit more action and a faster pace, or at least more comedy to lighten up the read in between like little sweets. 22,000 words and what happened?

Yes. I definitely have a pacing issue, it's a conundrum that at the current time I think I can only power through ...

Something just wasn't right with my next chapter. I had the prince go through his stay with Garnet's family in a state of confusion and I made Garnet really struggle. What I think I want to do now is give the prince a backstory chapter first and then in the second chapter have him return to the present time with Garnet so that I put his confusion into context while building his character. Not only that I could explain his relationship with the old Garnet and maybe drop some foreshadowing. I was playing with the idea that maybe I should make the new Garnet and the old Garnet strangely similar.

More on pacing. So after the prince leaves my next order of events are,

Spoiler

Chapter: Garnet gains a new "ally", who is basically just extorting her and has fully suspected that she is not the real Garnet. He was foreshadowed earlier in the story. An angry at life, aggressive character who the old Garnet treated like dogshit. It also comes time for Garnet to leave for the academy. Along her timeskip travels I use this to develop a bit of world-building, realism, and immersion. What is it like to travel for her? (Sometimes I really want to focus on examining life around her. The items that she uses. The senses that she experiences. The sensation of touch and technology. The smell of mildew. Physical items and ideologies that she doesn't understand or give her culture shock are good. etc.) I want to intimidate her with her own soldiers who are guarding her along her travels. I also want some bandits (who are actually just two younger people who are starving) to be executed to make the point that this is a harsh world outside her privileged life and shake her up a bit.

Chapter: The opening of the academy. This is going to be a POV from the perspective of the heroine. Why her POV? Because it is more immersive and interesting. Garnet is good for introspective chapters where I want to explain things from a more contemporary perspective and ideology. I want to use the heroine instead because it will be like her introduction. The heroine, rather than thinking about things introspectively, is immersed in her life and living it. I use her to show the story while Garnet tends to tell the story. The heroine and Garnet are each other's foils for the entire story! Very important.

I want to explore and explain the academy from her confused, anxious, worried, and excited perspective. Garnet is also really confused and needs to learn about the academy. They are both in the same situation, but they react so differently to their circumstances.

Once we're in the academy it's a whole different ball game.

 

[Yorda]

The heroine's backstory is also something I am struggling with. Everyone has at least decent backstory except her ...

Well, Garnet's backstory is only a rough idea in my head. I'm still having problems with her non-existent backstory, but it's not terrible. I was actually thinking about writing a prologue once I really figure it out in the future for Garnet.

I realized that parents are even annoying in fiction. Always annoying everywhere! Should I just kill off the heroine's parents and make her an orphan. Oh the shitty cliche.

Spoiler

Because I was pairing her with Garnet it might be interesting to create their backstories to play off each other.

Garnet's role in the story is to be a character with the fatal flaw of anxiety and cowardice. It's why she is always trying to avoid people, is paranoid, has no trust, can't rely on others, and wants to run away. Her spirit that she summons is going to play off her fatal flaw. The spirit, which I call Noire, is fundamentally prideful and arrogantly confident. Noire soothes Garnet's anxieties, but also tempts, corrupts, changes her, and erodes her identity. Over time Garnet starts to regain the original's memories because of Noire.

The heroine's role in the story is to be manipulated, attacked, and confounded by everyone, but persevere despite it all. The key lies in the way she perseveres though. Garnet and the Heroine have to think about what they want in life and how fate has twisted them. Their unique responses to unfairness and adversity are the key. The Heroine needs to work through her problems in a different and contrasting way than Garnet.

Hehehe. Then I broadside smack the shit out of all the characters and make fun of them for being stupid emotional young adults/teenagers with my real plot!

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Kill them like I did. Daggers and poison are always good. Especially, in an aristocratic setting.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Yorda, the tactical result of each chapter forms the base for new strategic decisions because the events of each change the plot to such a degree that no human acumen is able to see beyond the next few chapters. In this sense one should understand an author's saying: "I have never had a plan for the story."
Therefore no plot ideas extend with any certainty beyond the first contact with the next few chapters.

 

[Yorda]

Yorda, the tactical result of each chapter forms the base for new strategic decisions because the events of each change the plot to such a degree that no human acumen is able to see beyond the next few chapters. In this sense one should understand an author's saying: "I have never had a plan for the story."
Therefore no plot ideas extend with any certainty beyond the first contact with the next few chapters.

I understand what you mean and kinda believe it too. That is why I think that figuring out my characters is the best way that I can send the story in the right direction even if plot events have to change.