Can I Ask Something? Thanks :)

[Misako]

hi, I'm here to ask a question that's making it difficult for me to write novels

My characters and supporting characters already have their own names

but when i add a new character, i really have a hard time making the scene of the meeting with the new character, for example when they meet and then fight

I always use sentences that I think are really bad to read, like "The bald man jumped and then hit leon right in front of the Queen"

I think it's the worst writing I've ever written

and the last part that irritated me was when I wrote "Leon approached the bald man who was lying weakly on the palace floor, then the bald man stood up and the bald man drew his sword"

I don't know how to make a good and appropriate sentence to describe the part in the character that has not been named

can you help me solve this problem? Your advice is very valuable for me who is a beginner novel writer

 

[greyblob]

separate the actions and descriptions. if you're writing from 3rd limited, follow the character's movement and describe what they see.

something like "Leon noticed a huddled figure laying limply on the palace floor. And unable to suppress his curiosity, he approached."

you can then sneak in a few details. "The smell hit him first. His nose wrinkled in disgust but he kept walking. A bald head poked out of the grey tattered sack."

if the bald guy stood up and pulled a sword all too fast for leon to see, then it shouldn't be 'seen' by the reader either. "Leon stopped a few steps short of the man. He tried calling out to him but no sound left his throat. His blood turned cold as he found a sword pointed at his neck."

did Leon expect this to happen? if he did he should 'see' the bald guy pulling his sword and aiming at him. best advice i can offer is get a few books you like and see how they did it

 

[K5Rakitan]

First of all, you don't need to repeat the subject of a dependent clause:
the bald man stood up and the bald man drew his sword

Also, you can use a variety of nouns to identify the person, though which ones work best depend on the tone of your narrator. "The intruder" or "the assailant" would work for a more formal narrator and "Baldy" would work for a more flippant narrator.

 

[Misako]

separate the actions and descriptions. if you're writing from 3rd limited, follow the character's movement and describe what they see.

something like "Leon noticed a huddled figure laying limply on the palace floor. And unable to suppress his curiosity, he approached."

you can then sneak in a few details. "The smell hit him first. His nose wrinkled in disgust but he kept walking. A bald head poked out of the grey tattered sack."

if the bald guy stood up and pulled a sword all too fast for leon to see, then it shouldn't be 'seen' by the reader either. "Leon stopped a few steps short of the man. He tried calling out to him but no sound left his throat. His blood turned cold as he found a sword pointed at his neck."

did Leon expect this to happen? if he did he should 'see' the bald guy pulling his sword and aiming at him. best advice i can offer is get a few books you like and see how they did it

thanks for your advice, maybe I will read some novels to find some references and word patterns and actions needed to improve my skills

First of all, you don't need to repeat the subject of a dependent clause:
the bald man stood up and the bald man drew his sword
Also, you can use a variety of nouns to identify the person, though which ones work best depend on the tone of your narrator. "The intruder" or "the assailant" would work for a more formal narrator and "Baldy" would work for a more flippant narrator.

I might use character pronouns like him or himself to describe what that "person I mentioned" did

 

[CupcakeNinja]

separate the actions and descriptions. if you're writing from 3rd limited, follow the character's movement and describe what they see.

something like "Leon noticed a huddled figure laying limply on the palace floor. And unable to suppress his curiosity, he approached."

you can then sneak in a few details. "The smell hit him first. His nose wrinkled in disgust but he kept walking. A bald head poked out of the grey tattered sack."

if the bald guy stood up and pulled a sword all too fast for leon to see, then it shouldn't be 'seen' by the reader either. "Leon stopped a few steps short of the man. He tried calling out to him but no sound left his throat. His blood turned cold as he found a sword pointed at his neck."

did Leon expect this to happen? if he did he should 'see' the bald guy pulling his sword and aiming at him. best advice i can offer is get a few books you like and see how they did it

this is literally how i've always seen it done. The only other way was through a change in POV to the new character. The setting, the scenario, in which they meet may be harder to think of but the meeting itself have always been done by describing the experience just like you did there

 

[TheEldritchGod]

He, she, it, they.

When you refer to a subject, replace all incidents of the subject's name after that to a pronoun until you need to refer to another subject. Then state the name or descriptive feature and go back to pronouns until you change subjects.

This only applies inside a paragraph.

When you have given someone a name, but nobody knows it yet, describe them with at least three attributes, then cycle through them.

The bald, strong, dumb man arrived. He spoke to Jill.

Now, he only referrs to the man, and she only refers to Jill. You dont need to refer to the balm man or Jill again for the rest of the paragraph.

The bald man turned to Bob. He looked back at the strong dude.

This one is confusing.

Because bob is the last name we said, you might think it refers to Bob but bob is not the subject. In this case, you should replace he with Bob.

When talking about the strong, bald, stupid man, you can ctcle through discriptors. He is the bald man. He is the strong dude. He is the man with a confused look on his face.

We know this unnamed man is these three things, so you can keep switching between then to avoid sounding repetitive.

 

[CupcakeNinja]

He, she, it, they.

When you refer to a subject, replace all incidents of the subject's name after that to a pronoun until you need to refer to another subject. Then state the name or descriptive feature and go back to pronouns until you change subjects.

This only applies inside a paragraph.

When you have given someone a name, but nobody knows it yet, describe them with at least three attributes, then cycle through them.

The bald, strong, dumb man arrived. He spoke to Jill.

Now, he only referrs to the man, and she only refers to Jill. You dont need to refer to the balm man or Jill again for the rest of the paragraph.

The bald man turned to Bob. He looked back at the strong dude.

This one is confusing.

Because bob is the last name we said, you might think it refers to Bob but bob is not the subject. In this case, you should replace he with Bob.

When talking about the strong, bald, stupid man, you can ctcle through discriptors. He is the bald man. He is the strong dude. He is the man with a confused look on his face.

We know this unnamed man is these three things, so you can keep switching between then to avoid sounding repetitive.

in short, writing is contextual.
Readers aren't dumb, they can know who is doing what based off of nothing but context from a previous sentence but its the writer's job to make that easier.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Sorry. Shift change.

Anyrate, you need to change your writing habits. When its the first draft JUST WRITE IT. The purpose is to get the general framework down.

Then go back and rewrite it better following rules like I outlined before.

For example after the first draft i go through and swap out nouns a d pronouns. Then i make another pass for the ten words that usually are unneeded. Then I check for word duplication. Then I use spell checker. Then a text to speech to HEAR IT SPOKEN OUTLOUD.

Nothing will make you cringe more then that part.

Then after that, I put it in the queue and in the month before it posts I'll read it another 2-3 times with a final reading the day before it posts.

That is how you write quality.

Every chapter is reread and rewritten about 10 times before people see it.

If you get the story on paper, you can always fix it in the next 9 rewrites.